TED英語(yǔ)演講：我們給孩子的性教育中缺了什么
作為家長(zhǎng)，教孩子性知識(shí)是我們的責(zé)任。但是除去那些帶著生物學(xué)以及生殖方面的“談話 1.0”，我們還可以說(shuō)在很多情景下的個(gè)人經(jīng)驗(yàn)以及人體感受。優(yōu)秀的女性制片人、作家、記者同時(shí)也是兩個(gè)女孩的母親的蘇·約翰遜(Sue Jaye Johnson)分享了自己對(duì)于性教育的看法。下面是小編為大家收集關(guān)于TED英語(yǔ)演講：我們給孩子的性教育中缺了什么，歡迎借鑒參考。
演講者：Sue Jaye Johnson蘇·約翰遜
中英對(duì)照演講稿
I remember my aunt brushing my hair when I was a child. I felt this tingling in my stomach, this swelling in my belly. All her attention on me, just me. My beautiful Aunt Bea, stroking my hair with a fine-bristled brush. Do you have a memory like that that you can feel in your body right now?
我還記得小時(shí)候，阿姨給我梳頭發(fā)的情景。我感到肚子有些麻痛，胃有點(diǎn)漲。她所有的注意力都在我身上，只在我身上。我那漂亮的Bea阿姨，正在用一把上好的梳子幫我梳頭。你們有過(guò)這樣的回憶嗎?現(xiàn)在還能夠感覺(jué)到的。
Before language, we're all sensation. As children, that's how we learn to differentiate ourselves in the world --through touch. Everything goes in the mouth, the hands, on the skin. Sensation-- it is the way that we first experience love. It's the basis of human connection.
在學(xué)習(xí)語(yǔ)言之前，我們都是靠感覺(jué)的。作為孩子，那就是我們學(xué)習(xí)的途徑通過(guò)觸摸來(lái)區(qū)分自己和世界。通過(guò)嘴巴，雙手和肌膚來(lái)接觸一切。感覺(jué)是我們首次體驗(yàn)愛(ài)的方式。這也是人類連接的基礎(chǔ)。
We want our children to grow up to have healthy intimate relationships. So as parents, one of the things that we do is we teach our children about sex. We have books to help us, we have sex ed at school for the basics. There's porn to fill in the gaps -- and it will fill in the gaps.
我們想讓孩子們長(zhǎng)大后能擁有健康親密的關(guān)系。所以為人父母，其中一件事情就是教孩子性知識(shí)。我們有書(shū)本來(lái)幫助我們，我們有學(xué)校里面的性教育基礎(chǔ)課，還有小黃片來(lái)查漏補(bǔ)缺。它確實(shí)可以查漏補(bǔ)缺。
We teach our children "the talk" about biology and mechanics, about pregnancy and safe sex, and that's what our kids grow up thinking that sex is pretty much all about. But we can do better than that.
我們跟孩子說(shuō)教生物機(jī)制的知識(shí)，懷孕與安全性行為的知識(shí)，這就是孩子們長(zhǎng)大后會(huì)把性聯(lián)系在一起的東西。但我們可以做得更好。
We can teach our sons and daughters about pleasure and desire, about consent and boundaries, about what it feels like to be present in their body and to know when they're not. And we do that in the ways that we model touch, play, make eye contact -- all the ways that we engage their senses. We can teach our children not just about sex, but about sensuality.
我們可以教會(huì)兒女們什么是歡愉和欲望，什么是同意和界限，以及身體的感受，并分清是與否。我們可以通過(guò)模擬觸碰，玩耍，做眼神交流，等等所有可以調(diào)動(dòng)他們感覺(jué)的方式來(lái)教育他們。我們不僅能教孩子們性，還能教他們感受。
This is the kind of talk that I needed as a girl. I was extremely sensitive, but by the time I was an adolescent, I had numbed out. The shame of boys mocking my changing body and then girls exiling me for, ironically, my interest in boys, it was so much. I didn't have any language for what I was experiencing;
我還是小女孩時(shí)就很需要這種對(duì)話。我當(dāng)時(shí)極度敏感，但當(dāng)我步入青春期時(shí)，我已經(jīng)變得遲鈍了。男孩們嘲笑身體變化帶來(lái)的羞恥感，女孩們也孤立我，諷刺的是，我對(duì)于男生的興趣是如此強(qiáng)烈。我甚至找不出言語(yǔ)來(lái)形容當(dāng)時(shí)的體驗(yàn)。
I didn't know it was going to pass. So I did the best thing I could at the time and I checked out. And you can't isolate just the difficult feelings, so I lost access to the joy, the pleasure, the play, and I spent decades like that, with this his low-grade depression, thinking that this is what it meant to be a grown-up.
我不知道這一階段會(huì)經(jīng)歷過(guò)去。所以我做了當(dāng)時(shí)能做到的最好的事，我退縮走開(kāi)。但你無(wú)法隔離那艱難的感受，所以我失去了那個(gè)年紀(jì)的愉悅，開(kāi)心，玩耍的機(jī)會(huì)。我十多年的時(shí)間就這樣子度過(guò)，與這種抑郁低落的心情作伴。
For the past year, I've been interviewing men and women about their relationship to sex and I've heard my story again and again. Girls who were told they were too sensitive, too much. Boys who were taught to man up -- "don't be so emotional." I learned I was not alone in checking out. It was my daughter who reminded me of how much I used to feel.
以為這就是成長(zhǎng)需要經(jīng)歷的東西。在過(guò)去一年里，我曾采訪過(guò)一些男性和女性關(guān)于他們和性的關(guān)系，然后也不止一次聽(tīng)到了和自己類似的故事。女孩子被說(shuō)教稱她們過(guò)于敏感，男孩則被教導(dǎo)需要有男子氣概，“不要這么情緒化。”于是我知道并不只我一個(gè)人退縮離開(kāi)。是我女兒提醒了我過(guò)去的感受。
We were at the beach. It was this rare day. I turned off my cell phone, put in the calendar, "Day at the beach with the girls." I laid our towels down just out of reach of the surf and fell asleep. And when I woke up, I saw my daughter drizzling sand on her arm like this, and I could feel that light tickle of sand on her skin and I remembered my aunt brushing my hair.
我們當(dāng)時(shí)躺在沙灘上，那是一個(gè)難得的天氣，我關(guān)掉了我的手機(jī)，在日歷本上寫(xiě)下“和女兒在沙灘的日子”。在海水漫延不到的地方，我躺在我們的毛巾上，然后沉睡了下去。當(dāng)我起來(lái)的時(shí)候，我看見(jiàn)女兒把沙子灑在她的胳膊上，就像這樣。我可以感到癢癢的沙子摩擦皮膚的感覺(jué)，然后我又回想起阿姨輕梳我頭發(fā)的情景。
So I curled up next to her and I drizzled sand on her other arm and then her legs. And then I said, "Hey, you want me to bury you?" And her eyes got really big and she was like, "Yeah!" So we dug a hole and I covered her in sand and shells and drew this little mermaid tail. And then I took her home and lathered her up in the shower and massaged her scalp and I dried her off in a towel.
所以我在她身邊蜷縮著，把沙子灑在她另一條胳膊上，再之后腿上。然后我說(shuō)“嘿，你想要我用沙子埋了你嗎?”她的眼睛瞬間睜得很大，然后興奮地說(shuō)“好啊!”所以我們挖了一個(gè)大洞，然后我用沙子和貝殼把她埋住，然后畫(huà)了條小美人魚(yú)尾巴。之后我?guī)е丶?，在洗澡時(shí)給她全身打滿泡泡，按摩她的頭發(fā)，然后用毛巾把她擦干。
And I thought, "Ah. How many times had I done that --bathed her and dried her off -- but had I ever stopped and paid attention to the sensations that I was creating for her?" I'd been treating her like she was on some assembly line of children needing to be fed and put to bed.
然后我想：“啊，我做這件事多少次了“幫她揉泡泡，然后把她擦干。但我有停下來(lái)觀察她對(duì)我做的這些事情的感覺(jué)嗎?“一直以來(lái)，我對(duì)待她就像她在流水線上一樣，就如同孩子被喂飽之后再被帶到床上。
And I realized that when I dry my daughter off in a towel tenderly the way a lover would, I'm teaching her to expect that kind of touch. I'm teaching her in that moment about intimacy. About how to love her body and respect her body. I realized there are parts of the talk that can't be conveyed in words.
然后我意識(shí)到當(dāng)我用毛巾以一種愛(ài)人的溫柔擦干她身體時(shí)，實(shí)際上我當(dāng)時(shí)正在教導(dǎo)她對(duì)這種溫柔的觸摸抱以期待。我在教導(dǎo)她一種親昵行為。以及怎樣愛(ài)護(hù)她的身體并尊重她的身體。我意識(shí)到這是一場(chǎng)無(wú)法用言語(yǔ)來(lái)交流的談話。
In her book, "Girls and Sex," writer Peggy Orenstein finds that young women are focusing on their partner's pleasure, not their own. This is something I'm going to talk about with my girls when they're older, but for now, I look for ways to help them identify what gives them pleasure and to practice articulating that.
在一本名為“女孩和性愛(ài)”的書(shū)中，作者PeggyOrenstein發(fā)現(xiàn)，年輕的女孩子更注重她們伴侶的歡愉，而不是她們自己的。這就是我要與我的女兒，當(dāng)她們長(zhǎng)大后，所要討論的。但是目前，我在尋找讓她們識(shí)別能夠帶來(lái)歡愉的方法，并練習(xí)如何表達(dá)愉悅。
"Rub my back," my daughter says when I tuck her in. And I say, "OK, how do you want me to rub your back?" "I don't know," she says. So I pause, waiting for her directions. Finally she says, "OK, up and to the right, like you're tickling me." I run my fingertips up her spine. "What else?" I ask. "Over to the left, a little harder now."
“擦我后背。”在我用毛巾包裹住女兒時(shí)，她說(shuō)然后我說(shuō)“好的，你希望我怎樣擦你后背呢?”“我不知道，”她說(shuō)。所以我停了下來(lái)，等待著她指示。最后她說(shuō)“好吧，向上然后到右邊就像你撓我癢癢一樣。”然后我的手指就向上滑動(dòng)到她的脊柱。“還要?jiǎng)e的嗎?”我問(wèn)，“再左邊，稍微用力一點(diǎn)。”
We need to teach our children how to articulate their sensations so they're familiar with them. I look for ways to play games with my girls at home to do this. I scratch my fingernails on my daughter's arm and say, "Give me one word to describe this."
我們需要教會(huì)孩子們?cè)鯓訙?zhǔn)確表達(dá)他們的感受，這樣他們才可以更熟悉自己。我尋找和女兒們通過(guò)在家里玩游戲來(lái)達(dá)到這個(gè)目的的方法。我用指甲刮著女兒的胳膊然后說(shuō)：“給個(gè)詞語(yǔ)來(lái)形容下這個(gè)。”
"Violent," she says. I embrace her, hold her tight. "Protected," she tells me. I find opportunities to tell them how I'm feeling, what I'm experiencing, so we have common language. Like right now, this tingling in my scalp down my spine means I'm nervous and I'm excited.
“粗暴”她說(shuō)。之后我擁抱了她，緊緊地抱住她。“受保護(hù)，”她說(shuō)。我找到了機(jī)會(huì)告訴她們我的感受，我的經(jīng)歷是什么，所以我們有了共同語(yǔ)言。就像現(xiàn)在這樣，像這樣頭皮發(fā)麻，脊背發(fā)涼意味著我很不安，很激動(dòng)。
You are likely experiencing sensations in response to me. The language I'm using, the ideas I'm sharing. And our tendency is to judge these reactions and sort them into a hierarchy: better or worse, and then seek or avoid them. And that's because we live in this binary culture and we're taught from a very young age to sort the world into good and bad.
你們可能因?yàn)槲业拿枋龆辛艘环N感官感受。我正在使用的語(yǔ)言，我正在分享的想法。我們趨向于評(píng)判這些反應(yīng)，然后把它們劃分階級(jí)：好的還是壞的。然后尋找解決辦法或者避免它。因?yàn)槲覀兙幼≡谶@個(gè)二元社會(huì)我們很小的時(shí)候就被教導(dǎo)把世界分成好的和壞的一面。
"Did you like that book?" "Did you have a good day?" How about, "What did you notice about that story?" "Tell me a moment about your day. What did you learn?" Let's teach our children to stay open and curious about their experiences, like a traveler in a foreign land. And that way they can stay with sensation without checking out -- even the heightened and challenging ones -- the way I did, the way so many of us have.
“你喜歡那本書(shū)嗎?”“你今天過(guò)得好嗎?”為什么不換成，“書(shū)上什么吸引了你?”“說(shuō)說(shuō)今天有啥精彩的。““你學(xué)到了什么?”讓我們教會(huì)孩子對(duì)于他們的經(jīng)歷保持開(kāi)放和好奇的態(tài)度，就像一個(gè)到陌生島嶼的旅行者。這樣他們就可以與感受相處，而不是想要逃避。即便在最具有挑戰(zhàn)的環(huán)境中。而非像我以及我們很多人那樣去逃避。
This sense education, this is education I want for my daughters. Sense education is what I needed as girl. It's what I hope for all of our children. This awareness of sensation, it's where we began as children. It's what we can learn from our children and it's what we can in turn remind our children as they come of age.
這種感覺(jué)的教育，是我想要為我女兒們帶來(lái)的教育，也是我在作為一個(gè)女孩時(shí)需要得到的教育，是我希望普及給所有孩子的教育。這種感覺(jué)意識(shí)，是我們作為兒童的開(kāi)始，是我們可以從孩子身上學(xué)到的東西，也是我們可以反過(guò)來(lái)在孩子們逐漸長(zhǎng)大時(shí)提醒他們的東西。
Thank you.(Applause)
謝謝大家(掌聲)
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