放聲說(shuō)話(huà)并不是一件容易的事情，哥倫比亞大學(xué)商學(xué)院教授Adam Galinsky通過(guò)心理研究想出了許多解決這一問(wèn)題的辦法。下面是小編為大家收集關(guān)于TED英語(yǔ)演講：如何在說(shuō)話(huà)時(shí)表現(xiàn)出你的專(zhuān)業(yè)性，歡迎借鑒參考。

　　演說(shuō)題目：如何在說(shuō)話(huà)時(shí)表現(xiàn)出你的專(zhuān)業(yè)性?

　　演說(shuō)者：Adam Galinsky

　　演講稿

　　Speaking up is hard to do. I understood the true meaning of this phrase exactly one month ago, when my wife and I became new parents. It was an amazing moment. It was exhilarating and elating, but it was also scary and terrifying. And it got particularly terrifying when we got home from the hospital,and we were unsure whether our little baby boy was getting enough nutrients from breastfeeding. And we wanted to call our pediatrician, but we also didn't want to make a bad first impression or come across as a crazy, neurotic parent. So we worried. And we waited. When we got to the doctor's office the next day, she immediately gave him formula because he was pretty dehydrated. Our son is fine now, and our doctor has reassured us we can always contact her. But in that moment, I should've spoken up, but I didn't.

　　But sometimes we speak up when we shouldn't, and I learned that over 10 years ago when I let my twin brother down. My twin brother is a documentary filmmaker, and for one of his first films, he got an offer from a distribution company. He was excited, and he was inclined to accept the offer. But as a negotiations researcher, I insisted he make a counteroffer, and I helped him craft the perfect one.And it was perfect -- it was perfectly insulting. The company was so offended, they literally withdrew the offer and my brother was left with nothing.

　　And I've asked people all over the world about this dilemma of speaking up: when they can assert themselves, when they can push their interests, when they can express an opinion, when they can make an ambitious ask.

　　And the range of stories are varied and diverse, but they also make up a universal tapestry. Can I correct my boss when they make a mistake? Can I confront my coworker who keeps stepping on my toes? Can I challenge my friend's insensitive joke? Can I tell the person I love the most my deepest insecurities?

　　And through these experiences, I've come to recognize that each of us have something called a range of acceptable behavior. Now, sometimes we're too strong; we push ourselves too much. That's what happened with my brother. Even making an offer was outside his range of acceptable behavior.But sometimes we're too weak. That's what happened with my wife and I. And this range of acceptable behaviors -- when we stay within our range, we're rewarded. When we step outside that range, we get punished in a variety of ways. We get dismissed or demeaned or even ostracized. Or we lose that raise or that promotion or that deal.

　　Now, the first thing we need to know is: What is my range? But the key thing is, our range isn't fixed;it's actually pretty dynamic. It expands and it narrows based on the context. And there's one thing that determines that range more than anything else, and that's your power. Your power determines your range. What is power? Power comes in lots of forms. In negotiations, it comes in the form of alternatives. So my brother had no alternatives; he lacked power. The company had lots of alternatives; they had power. Sometimes it's being new to a country, like an immigrant, or new to an organization or new to an experience, like my wife and I as new parents. Sometimes it's at work,where someone's the boss and someone's the subordinate. Sometimes it's in relationships, where one person's more invested than the other person.

　　And the key thing is that when we have lots of power, our range is very wide. We have a lot of leeway in how to behave. But when we lack power, our range narrows. We have very little leeway. The problem is that when our range narrows, that produces something called the low-power double bind.The low-power double bind happens when, if we don't speak up, we go unnoticed, but if we do speak up, we get punished.

　　Now, many of you have heard the phrase the "double bind" and connected it with one thing, and that's gender. The gender double bind is women who don't speak up go unnoticed, and women who do speak up get punished. And the key thing is that women have the same need as men to speak up,but they have barriers to doing so. But what my research has shown over the last two decades is that what looks like a gender difference is not really a gender double bind, it's a really a low-power double bind. And what looks like a gender difference are really often just power differences in disguise.Oftentimes we see a difference between a man and a woman or men and women, and think, "Biological cause. There's something fundamentally different about the sexes." But in study after study, I've found that a better explanation for many sex differences is really power. And so it's the low-power double bind. And the low-power double bind means that we have a narrow range, and we lack power. We have a narrow range, and our double bind is very large.

　　So we need to find ways to expand our range. And over the last couple decades, my colleagues and I have found two things really matter. The first: you seem powerful in your own eyes. The second: you seem powerful in the eyes of others. When I feel powerful, I feel confident, not fearful; I expand my own range. When other people see me as powerful, they grant me a wider range. So we need tools to expand our range of acceptable behavior. And I'm going to give you a set of tools today. Speaking up is risky, but these tools will lower your risk of speaking up.

　　The first tool I'm going to give you got discovered in negotiations in an important finding. On average, women make less ambitious offers and get worse outcomes than men at the bargaining table. But Hannah Riley Bowles and Emily Amanatullah have discovered there's one situation where women get the same outcomes as men and are just as ambitious. That's when they advocate for others.When they advocate for others, they discover their own range and expand it in their own mind. They become more assertive. This is sometimes called "the mama bear effect." Like a mama bear defending her cubs, when we advocate for others, we can discover our own voice.

　　But sometimes, we have to advocate for ourselves. How do we do that? One of the most important tools we have to advocate for ourselves is something called perspective-taking. And perspective-taking is really simple: it's simply looking at the world through the eyes of another person. It's one of the most important tools we have to expand our range. When I take your perspective, and I think about what you really want, you're more likely to give me what I really want.

　　But here's the problem: perspective-taking is hard to do. So let's do a little experiment. I want you all to hold your hand just like this: your finger -- put it up. And I want you to draw a capital letter E on your forehead as quickly as possible. OK, it turns out that we can draw this E in one of two ways, and this was originally designed as a test of perspective-taking. I'm going to show you two pictures of someone with an E on their forehead -- my former student, Erika Hall. And you can see over here,that's the correct E. I drew the E so it looks like an E to another person. That's the perspective-taking E because it looks like an E from someone else's vantage point. But this E over here is the self-focused E. We often get self-focused. And we particularly get self-focused in a crisis.

　　I want to tell you about a particular crisis. A man walks into a bank in Watsonville, California. And he says, "Give me $2,000, or I'm blowing the whole bank up with a bomb." Now, the bank manager didn't give him the money. She took a step back. She took his perspective, and she noticed something really important. He asked for a specific amount of money.

　　So she said, "Why did you ask for $2,000?"

　　And he said, "My friend is going to be evicted unless I get him $2,000 immediately."

　　And she said, "Oh! You don't want to rob the bank -- you want to take out a loan."

　　"Why don't you come back to my office, and we can have you fill out the paperwork."

　　Now, her quick perspective-taking defused a volatile situation. So when we take someone's perspective, it allows us to be ambitious and assertive, but still be likable.

　　Here's another way to be assertive but still be likable, and that is to signal flexibility. Now, imagine you're a car salesperson, and you want to sell someone a car. You're going to more likely make the sale if you give them two options. Let's say option A: $24,000 for this car and a five-year warranty. Or option B: $23,000 and a three-year warranty. My research shows that when you give people a choice among options, it lowers their defenses, and they're more likely to accept your offer.

　　And this doesn't just work with salespeople; it works with parents. When my niece was four, she resisted getting dressed and rejected everything. But then my sister-in-law had a brilliant idea. What if I gave my daughter a choice? This shirt or that shirt? OK, that shirt. This pant or that pant? OK, that pant. And it worked brilliantly. She got dressed quickly and without resistance.

　　When I've asked the question around the world when people feel comfortable speaking up, the number one answer is: "When I have social support in my audience; when I have allies." So we want to get allies on our side. How do we do that? Well, one of the ways is be a mama bear. When we advocate for others, we expand our range in our own eyes and the eyes of others, but we also earn strong allies.

　　Another way we can earn strong allies, especially in high places, is by asking other people for advice.When we ask others for advice, they like us because we flatter them, and we're expressing humility.And this really works to solve another double bind. And that's the self-promotion double bind. The self-promotion double bind is that if we don't advertise our accomplishments, no one notices. And if we do, we're not likable.

　　But if we ask for advice about one of our accomplishments, we are able to be competent in their eyes but also be likeable. And this is so powerful it even works when you see it coming. There have been multiple times in life when I have been forewarned that a low-power person has been given the advice to come ask me for advice. I want you to notice three things about this: First, I knew they were going to come ask me for advice. Two, I've actually done research on the strategic benefits of asking for advice. And three, it still worked! I took their perspective, I became more invested in their cause, I became more committed to them because they asked for advice.

　　Now, another time we feel more confident speaking up is when we have expertise. Expertise gives us credibility. When we have high power, we already have credibility. We only need good evidence.When we lack power, we don't have the credibility. We need excellent evidence.

　　And one of the ways we can come across as an expert is by tapping into our passion. I want everyone in the next few days to go up to friend of theirs and just say to them, "I want you to describe a passion of yours to me." I've had people do this all over the world and I asked them, "What did you notice about the other person when they described their passion?" And the answers are always the same."Their eyes lit up and got big." "They smiled a big beaming smile." "They used their hands all over -- I had to duck because their hands were coming at me." "They talk quickly with a little higher pitch."

　　"They leaned in as if telling me a secret."

　　And then I said to them, "What happened to you as you listened to their passion?"

　　They said, "My eyes lit up. I smiled. I leaned in."

　　When we tap into our passion, we give ourselves the courage, in our own eyes, to speak up, but we also get the permission from others to speak up. Tapping into our passion even works when we come across as too weak. Both men and women get punished at work when they shed tears. But Lizzie Wolf has shown that when we frame our strong emotions as passion, the condemnation of our crying disappears for both men and women.

　　I want to end with a few words from my late father that he spoke at my twin brother's wedding. Here's a picture of us. My dad was a psychologist like me, but his real love and his real passion was cinema,like my brother. And so he wrote a speech for my brother's wedding about the roles we play in the human comedy.

　　And he said, "The lighter your touch, the better you become at improving and enriching your performance. Those who embrace their roles and work to improve their performance grow, change and expand the self. Play it well, and your days will be mostly joyful."

　　What my dad was saying is that we've all been assigned ranges and roles in this world. But he was also saying the essence of this talk: those roles and ranges are constantly expanding and evolving.

　　So when a scene calls for it, be a ferocious mama bear and a humble advice seeker. Have excellent evidence and strong allies. Be a passionate perspective taker. And if you use those tools -- and each and every one of you can use these tools -- you will expand your range of acceptable behavior, and your days will be mostly joyful.

　　Thank you.

　　放大聲音得說(shuō)話(huà)并不簡(jiǎn)單。 我直到整整一個(gè)月前，當(dāng)我 與妻子初為父母的時(shí)候 才理解這個(gè)短語(yǔ)的真正用意。 那是一個(gè)神奇的時(shí)刻。 那是一個(gè)令人興奮 與激動(dòng)的時(shí)刻， 但是那也是可怕的， 令人恐懼的時(shí)刻。 當(dāng)我們剛從醫(yī)院回到家的時(shí)候， 尤其令人恐懼 我們并不確定 我們剛出生的寶寶是否 能從母乳中得到足夠的養(yǎng)分。

　　我們想打電話(huà)給我們的兒科醫(yī)生， 但是我們也不想給別人 留下不好的第一印象， 或者被當(dāng)作是瘋狂的， 神經(jīng)質(zhì)的父母。 所以我們很擔(dān)心。 但我們選擇了等待。

　　當(dāng)我們第二天早上 去見(jiàn)醫(yī)生的時(shí)候， 她立刻給寶寶開(kāi)了配方， 因?yàn)樗撍車(chē)?yán)重。 我們的兒子現(xiàn)在已經(jīng)好了， 我們的醫(yī)生也讓我們放心， 可以隨時(shí)聯(lián)系她。

　　但是在那個(gè)時(shí)刻， 我應(yīng)該大聲說(shuō)出來(lái)的，我卻沒(méi)做到。

　　但是有時(shí)我們也會(huì)在不該說(shuō)話(huà)的時(shí)候 放聲大說(shuō)， 我是在10年多以前，當(dāng)我讓我的 雙胞胎兄弟失望的時(shí)候，學(xué)會(huì)的。 我的雙胞胎兄弟 是一個(gè)紀(jì)錄片攝影師， 在他的早期作品中， 有一部得到了分銷(xiāo)公司的青睞。 他很激動(dòng)， 也傾向于接受這份邀請(qǐng)。 但是作為一名談判研究員， 我堅(jiān)持要求他拒絕這份邀請(qǐng)， 并幫助他起草了一份完美的合同。 而那確實(shí)是完美的- 完美的侮辱行為。 那家公司感到被冒犯了， 他們就真的撤回了他們的邀請(qǐng)， 然后我兄弟就一無(wú)所有了。

　　我問(wèn)過(guò)來(lái)自世界各地的人， 關(guān)于大聲說(shuō)的兩難問(wèn)題： 當(dāng)他們可以斷言的時(shí)候， 當(dāng)他們可以推動(dòng)自身利益的時(shí)候， 當(dāng)他們可以表達(dá)觀點(diǎn)的時(shí)候， 當(dāng)他們提出一個(gè)有抱負(fù)的要求的時(shí)候。

　　我聽(tīng)過(guò)大量的，各不相同的故事， 但他們卻共同編織了同一幅繡帷。 我能在老板們犯錯(cuò)時(shí) 糾正他們的錯(cuò)誤嗎? 我能與老是踩到 我腳趾的同事對(duì)質(zhì)嗎?

　　我能質(zhì)疑朋友講的 不合時(shí)宜的笑話(huà)嗎? 我能告訴我最?lèi)?ài)的人 我內(nèi)心深處的不安全感嗎?

　　通過(guò)這些經(jīng)歷，我開(kāi)始認(rèn)識(shí)到 我們每個(gè)人都是有一個(gè) 可接受行為范圍的。 有些時(shí)候，我們太強(qiáng)勢(shì)了： 我們給自己負(fù)壓太大。 那就是發(fā)生在我兄弟身上的事件所表明的。 甚至提出一個(gè)建議，都是在他 可接受行為范圍之外的了 但是有時(shí)，我們又太軟弱了。 就是我和我妻子所表現(xiàn)出來(lái)的。 而這個(gè)可接受行為范圍- 當(dāng)我們呆在范圍內(nèi)的時(shí)候， 我們就會(huì)被獎(jiǎng)勵(lì)。 當(dāng)我們跨出范圍圈的時(shí)候， 我們就會(huì)受到不同形式的懲罰。 我們被開(kāi)除或貶低，甚至被排斥。

　　我們失去加薪或晉升，或是一筆交易。

　　現(xiàn)在，我們需要明白的第一件事就是： 我的域是什么? 但關(guān)鍵問(wèn)題是，我們的 可接受范圍并不固定;它實(shí)際上是高度動(dòng)態(tài)的。 它會(huì)隨具體語(yǔ)境而放大或縮小。

　　有一樣?xùn)|西在可接受范圍大小 這件事上起決定性作用， 那就是你的實(shí)力。 你的實(shí)力決定了你的可接受范圍域。 實(shí)力是指什么? 實(shí)力是以各種形式呈現(xiàn)的。

　　在談判中，實(shí)力以 其他解決方案的形式呈現(xiàn)。 而我的兄弟沒(méi)有其他選擇; 他的實(shí)力不夠。 公司就有很多的備用選擇; 他們的實(shí)力很強(qiáng)。 有時(shí)是新到一個(gè)國(guó)家， 例如移民， 或是新加入一個(gè)組織，或是對(duì)什么事情沒(méi)有經(jīng)驗(yàn)， 就像我和我妻子初為人父母。 有的時(shí)候是在工作上， 有人是老板， 而另一些人是下屬。 有時(shí)是在情感上， 一個(gè)人比另一個(gè)人投入更多重點(diǎn)是，當(dāng)我們有強(qiáng)大的實(shí)力時(shí)， 我們的可接受范圍 就會(huì)變得非常廣。 我們的行動(dòng)就有了很大的余地。 但是當(dāng)我們實(shí)力不足時(shí)， 我們的域就會(huì)縮小。

　　我們行動(dòng)就變得局限。 問(wèn)題是當(dāng)我們的 可接受范圍縮小的時(shí)候， 就會(huì)進(jìn)入一種“弱勢(shì)兩難”的處境。 當(dāng)我們陷入“弱勢(shì)兩難”的處境時(shí)， 我們不為自己說(shuō)話(huà)，就會(huì)被忽視， 當(dāng)我們說(shuō)出來(lái)的時(shí)候，又會(huì)被懲罰。

　　你們中的很多人都聽(tīng)過(guò) “雙重約束”這個(gè)短語(yǔ)， 并把它和另一樣事物掛鉤， 就是性別。 性別兩難就是指當(dāng)女性不發(fā)聲， 就會(huì)被忽視， 但女性為自己說(shuō)話(huà)， 又會(huì)被懲罰的情況。 關(guān)鍵是，女性有著 與男性同樣的為自己說(shuō)話(huà)的需求 但她們這樣做會(huì)遇到更多的障礙。 但是我在過(guò)去二十年里的研究中發(fā)現(xiàn)， 這個(gè)看似是性別差異，其實(shí)并不是真正的性別兩難困境， 其實(shí)是弱勢(shì)兩難的問(wèn)題。 那些表面上看似是性別差異 其實(shí)質(zhì)只是實(shí)力差異偽裝成的樣子。 很多時(shí)候，當(dāng)我們看到一位男性和一位女性之間的差距時(shí)， 或者男性與女性之間， 我們就會(huì)想，“生理因素。 兩性在本質(zhì)上就是不同的。” 但是在一個(gè)又一個(gè)的研究當(dāng)中， 我找到了一個(gè)能更好解釋 很多案例中性別差距的原因 那就是實(shí)力。 所以把它稱(chēng)作弱勢(shì)兩難困境。 處于弱勢(shì)兩難就意味著 我們的可接受范圍很窄 我們實(shí)力不足。

　　我們的可接受范圍越窄， 我們的弱勢(shì)兩難就越明顯。

　　所以我們必須找到方法， 擴(kuò)大我們的可接受范圍。 在過(guò)去的幾十年中， 我和我的同事找到了 兩個(gè)重要的影響因素 第一點(diǎn)：你在自己眼中是實(shí)力者。

　　第二點(diǎn)：你在他人眼中是實(shí)力者。 當(dāng)感到自己實(shí)力強(qiáng)大， 就會(huì)很自信，不會(huì)害怕; 就能擴(kuò)大自己的域。 當(dāng)他人把自己看作實(shí)力強(qiáng)大的人時(shí)， 他們就給予了我更廣的可接受范圍。 所以我們需要工具去擴(kuò)大 我們的可接受行為范圍。 我今天就要給你們一套工具。 大聲說(shuō)是有風(fēng)險(xiǎn)的一件事， 但是這些工具會(huì)降低大聲說(shuō)的風(fēng)險(xiǎn)。

　　我要給你們的第一個(gè)工具 是在協(xié)商領(lǐng)域被發(fā)現(xiàn)的， 是很重要的一個(gè)發(fā)現(xiàn)。 平均來(lái)看，女性在談判桌上， 相比男性， 更少的提出有野心的條件， 并取得更差的結(jié)果。

　　但是漢娜·賴(lài)?yán)?middot;鮑里斯 和艾米麗·阿曼圖拉發(fā)現(xiàn) 在有一種情況下，女性 和男性是同等的野心勃勃 也能得到同等的結(jié)果。 那就是當(dāng)她們?cè)跒樗苏f(shuō)話(huà)的時(shí)候。

　　當(dāng)她們?cè)跒樗苏f(shuō)話(huà)時(shí)， 她們就會(huì)發(fā)覺(jué)自己的 可接受范圍并在腦海中擴(kuò)大它。 她們變得更加自信。 這就是我們經(jīng)常說(shuō)的“熊媽媽效應(yīng)”。 就像熊媽媽在維護(hù)自己的熊寶寶， 當(dāng)我們?yōu)樗寺晱埖臅r(shí)候， 我們就能發(fā)掘自己的聲音。

　　但是有些時(shí)候， 我們必須為自己放聲說(shuō)。 我們應(yīng)該怎么做呢? 為自己講話(huà)需要的 最重要的工具就是 一種叫做“換位思考”的東西。 “換位思考”其實(shí)很簡(jiǎn)單： 就僅僅是通過(guò)另一個(gè)人的 眼睛看世界而已。 這是我們擴(kuò)大自身可接受范圍 的最重要的工具。 當(dāng)我站在你的立場(chǎng)， 去想你真正想要什么的時(shí)候， 你就更有可能給我，我真正想要的。

　　但是這有一個(gè)問(wèn)題： “換位思考”是一件很難的事情。 讓我們做一點(diǎn)兒實(shí)驗(yàn)。 我希望你們所有人都像這樣， 把手舉起來(lái)， 把手指豎起來(lái)， 我希望你們?cè)谧约旱念~頭上寫(xiě)一個(gè)大寫(xiě)的E 越快越好。 好吧，結(jié)果表明我們 有兩種不同的書(shū)寫(xiě)方法， 這就是原本用來(lái)測(cè)試 換位思考的實(shí)驗(yàn)。 我要給你們展示兩張人們?cè)陬~頭上寫(xiě)著E的圖片- 這是我以前的學(xué)生，艾麗卡·赫尓。 你們?cè)谶@里看到的， 是正確的E。 我這樣畫(huà)E，所以其他人 就能把它認(rèn)成E。 這就是“換位思考”的E，因?yàn)樗莿e人眼中的E。 但是這邊的E則是“自我中心”的E。 我們時(shí)常會(huì)以自我為中心。 特別是在危機(jī)情況下更容易。

　　我希望和你們談?wù)?一次特別的危機(jī)。 一個(gè)男人走進(jìn)一家位于加利福尼亞州， 沃森維爾市的銀行。 他說(shuō)，“給我2000美金， 要不我就炸了整個(gè)銀行。”

　　而銀行經(jīng)理沒(méi)有給他錢(qián)。 她退了一步。 她嘗試站在他的角度， 她注意到了一件很重要的事情。 他要求的是具體數(shù)額的錢(qián)。

　　所以她說(shuō)， “為什么你需要2000美金?”

　　男人說(shuō)，“如果不能立即拿到2000美金， 我的朋友就要被驅(qū)逐出境了。“

　　然后經(jīng)理說(shuō)， “哦，那你不是要搶銀行- 你是需要貸款。”

　　“為什么不跟我回到辦公室， 我們就可以讓你填好需要的文件。”

　　她的快速換位思考的 能力解除了一個(gè)危機(jī)形勢(shì)。 當(dāng)我們能夠從他人的角度看問(wèn)題時(shí)， 我們就會(huì)變得有抱負(fù)， 自信，但同時(shí)招人喜歡。

　　還有另一種能讓我們既自信， 又能招人喜歡的辦法， 那就是展現(xiàn)靈活性。 現(xiàn)在，想象自己是一名汽車(chē)銷(xiāo)售員， 你要賣(mài)給別人一輛車(chē)。 如果你能給他們兩種選擇， 你更容易賣(mài)出車(chē)。 比如選項(xiàng)A： 兩萬(wàn)四美金購(gòu)車(chē)，五年免修。 或是選項(xiàng)B： 兩萬(wàn)三美金購(gòu)車(chē)，三年免修。 我的研究顯示了，當(dāng)你 給人們一些選擇的余地時(shí)， 他們會(huì)降低自我防范意識(shí)， 他們更容易接受你的邀請(qǐng)。

　　這不僅僅只在銷(xiāo)售人員這里有用; 它在父母這里也有用。 當(dāng)我的侄女四歲的時(shí)候， 她拒絕穿衣服，拒絕一切。 但是后來(lái)嫂子想出了 一個(gè)絕妙的主意。

　　如果我給我的女兒一種選擇呢? 這件衣服或是那件?好吧，那件。 這條褲子還是那條?好吧，那條。 問(wèn)題被出色的解決了。 她很快穿好了衣服， 沒(méi)有任何抵抗。

　　當(dāng)我在世界各地問(wèn)這個(gè)問(wèn)題， 什么時(shí)候人們能夠 舒服地大聲說(shuō)出想法， 排名第一的回答是： “當(dāng)我能在觀眾中得到支持; 當(dāng)我有隊(duì)友的時(shí)候。”

　　所以我們希望有盟友支持自己。 我們要如何做到這一點(diǎn)? 好吧，一種方式是做一只熊媽媽。 當(dāng)我們?yōu)樗税l(fā)聲的時(shí)候， 我們就擴(kuò)大了我們自己的范圍， 也擴(kuò)大了別人眼中的我們， 我們同時(shí)也得到了強(qiáng)有力的盟友。

　　另一種得到盟友的方式， 特別是身居高位的時(shí)候， 就是尋求他人的建議。 當(dāng)我們向他人尋求建議時(shí)，他們 就會(huì)因?yàn)槲覀冎匾曀麄兌矚g我們 因?yàn)槲覀儽憩F(xiàn)出了謙恭。

　　這能夠幫助我們解決 另外一個(gè)兩難的局面。 那就是自我推銷(xiāo)兩難的情況。 自我推銷(xiāo)兩難 就是如果我們不宣傳我們的成就， 就沒(méi)人會(huì)注意。如果我們宣傳，我們就不討喜。

　　但是如果我們就 自己的成就征求意見(jiàn)， 在他人眼中，我們就會(huì) 變得能干且討人喜歡。 這真的很有用，甚至當(dāng)你已經(jīng)看穿這個(gè)策略時(shí)仍然有用我人生中有很多次，我已經(jīng)預(yù)先被人提醒過(guò) 有些實(shí)力不足的人 被建議來(lái)找我咨詢(xún) 我希望你們?cè)诖俗⒁馊c(diǎn)： 第一，我知道他們要來(lái)找我詢(xún)問(wèn)建議。

　　第二，我也研究過(guò)的征求意見(jiàn)的戰(zhàn)略性好處。 第三，這仍然管用! 我站在他們的角度， 我在他們的訴求上花費(fèi)更多的時(shí)間， 我更加關(guān)注他們，因?yàn)樗麄兿蛭覍で罅藥椭?/p>

　　另一種情況下， 我們也會(huì)有自信大聲說(shuō)， 那就是當(dāng)我們掌握了專(zhuān)業(yè)知識(shí)。 專(zhuān)業(yè)知識(shí)帶給我們可信度。當(dāng)我們實(shí)力強(qiáng)大的時(shí)候， 我們就已經(jīng)擁有了可信度。

　　我們只需要好的證據(jù)。 而我們實(shí)力不足的時(shí)候， 我們就沒(méi)有可信度。 我們就需要極佳的證據(jù)。

　　一種幫助我們被認(rèn)作為專(zhuān)家的方式 就是發(fā)掘我們的熱情。 我希望每個(gè)人都能在未來(lái)的 幾天當(dāng)中，去見(jiàn)各自的朋友 和他們說(shuō)， “我希望你能夠和我分享一件你抱有熱情的事。“ 我在世界各地讓人們做這件事， 然后我詢(xún)問(wèn)他們， “當(dāng)朋友們向你們描述他們的熱情時(shí) 你注意到了什么?“

　　答案永遠(yuǎn)是相同的。“他們的眼睛變大了，變亮了。” “他們笑的很燦爛。” “他們用手不斷的比劃著- 我必須要躲閃，因?yàn)?他們的手都伸向了我。”

　　“他們更快速的，用更高頻的聲調(diào)說(shuō)話(huà)。”

　　“他們傾向我，好像要跟 我講什么秘密一樣。”

　　然后，我就和他們說(shuō)， “你們聽(tīng)他們講述的時(shí)候， 你是什么樣的反應(yīng)呢?”

　　他們說(shuō)，“我的眼睛變亮了。 我笑了。 我也傾向了他們。”

　　當(dāng)我們發(fā)掘自己的熱情時(shí)， 我們通過(guò)自己的眼睛， 給予了自己大聲說(shuō)的勇氣， 但是我們也得到了他人的準(zhǔn)許。 發(fā)掘我們的熱情，即使在 我們軟弱的時(shí)候也會(huì)起作用。

　　無(wú)論是男性還是女性， 工作時(shí)流淚都會(huì)受到懲罰。 但是莉齊·沃爾夫發(fā)現(xiàn) 當(dāng)我們將強(qiáng)烈的感情處理為激情的時(shí)候， 無(wú)論男性還是女性， 就都不會(huì)因落淚而受到譴責(zé)。

　　我希望引用我已故的 父親的話(huà)來(lái)結(jié)束演講 這是他在我的 雙胞胎兄弟的婚禮上說(shuō)的。 這是我們的合影。我的父親和我一樣，都是心理學(xué)家， 但是他真正熱愛(ài)的，真正的熱情在于電影， 就像我的兄弟一樣。所以，他就在我兄弟的 婚禮上發(fā)表了一個(gè)演講 是關(guān)于我們?cè)谌祟?lèi)喜劇中 所扮演的角色的。

　　然后他說(shuō)，“你的觸感越細(xì)膩， 你越能更好地提高 和豐富你的表演能力 那些帶入角色當(dāng)中， 努力提高演技的人， 成長(zhǎng)，改變，擴(kuò)張自我。 好好演，你們的生活就會(huì)很快樂(lè)的。”

　　我父親的意思是， 我們?cè)谶@個(gè)世界上都有 各自的可理解范圍和角色。 但他也講出了這次演講的精髓：這些角色和范圍是在 不斷擴(kuò)大和進(jìn)化的。

　　當(dāng)情景需要的時(shí)候， 變成一只兇猛的熊媽媽?zhuān)?或是一個(gè)謙恭的咨詢(xún)者。 擁有極佳的證據(jù)和強(qiáng)大的盟友。 成為一個(gè)熱情的換位思考者。 如果你能夠運(yùn)用這些工具-這些是在座的每一位 都能夠使用的工具- 你們就能擴(kuò)大你們的 可接受行為范圍， 你們的生活就會(huì)很快樂(lè)的。

　　謝謝。

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