摘要：　事實(shí)上，如果遵守這項(xiàng)定律，會(huì)替我們帶來(lái)無(wú)數(shù)的朋友，和永久的快樂(lè)。可是如果違反了那項(xiàng)定律，我們就會(huì)遭遇到無(wú)數(shù)的困難。這項(xiàng)定律是.永遠(yuǎn)使別人感覺(jué)重要.

　　我在紐約的三十三號(hào)街第八號(hào)路的郵局里，依次排列等著要發(fā)一封掛號(hào)信，我發(fā)現(xiàn)里面那個(gè)郵務(wù)員，對(duì)他的工作顯得很苦惱………。秤情的重量，遞出郵票，找給零錢(qián)，分發(fā)收據(jù)，這樣單調(diào)的工作，一年接一年的下去。

　　I was waiting in line to register a letter in the post officeat Thirty-third Street and Eighth Avenue in New York. Inoticed that the clerk appeared to be bored with the job-weighing envelopes, handing out stamps, making change, issuing receipts - the same monotonous grindyear after year. So I said to myself: "I am going to try tomake that clerk like me. Obviously, to make him likeme, I must say something nice, not about myself, butabout him. So I asked myself, ‘What is there about himthat I can honestly admire?’ " That is sometimes a hardquestion to answer, especially with strangers; but, inthis case, it happened to be easy. I instantly saw somethingI admired no end.

　　所以我對(duì)自己說(shuō)：「我過(guò)去試一試要讓那人喜歡我，我必須要說(shuō)些有趣的事，那是關(guān)于他的，不是我的?！褂谑俏矣謫?wèn)自己：「他有什么地方，可以值得贊賞的?」這是個(gè)很不容易找出答案的難題，尤其對(duì)方是個(gè)素昧平生的陌生人?？墒呛苋菀椎?，我有了一個(gè)發(fā)現(xiàn)，我從這郵務(wù)員身上，找出一椿值得稱(chēng)贊的事了。

　　So while he was weighing my envelope, I remarkedwith enthusiasm: "I certainly wish I had your head ofhair.”

　　當(dāng)他秤我的信時(shí)，我很熱忱的說(shuō)：「我真希望有你這樣一頭好頭發(fā)!」

　　He looked up, half-startled, his face beaming withsmiles. "Well, it isn’t as good as it used to be,” he saidmodestly. I assured him that although it might have lostsome of its pristine glory, nevertheless it was still magnificent.He was immensely pleased. We carried on apleasant little conversation and the last thing he said tome was: “Many people have admired my hair.”

　　那郵務(wù)員把頭抬了起來(lái)，他的臉色神情，從驚訝中換出一副笑容來(lái)，很客氣的說(shuō)：「沒(méi)有以前那樣好了!」我很確切的告訴他或許沒(méi)有過(guò)去的光澤，不過(guò)現(xiàn)在看來(lái)，依然很美觀。他非常高興，我們愉快的談了幾句，最后他對(duì)我這樣說(shuō)：「許多人都稱(chēng)贊過(guò)我的頭發(fā)?！?/p>

　　I’ll bet that person went out to lunch that day walkingon air. I’ll bet he went home that night and told his wifeabout it. I’ll bet he looked in the mirror and said: “It is abeautiful head of hair.”

　　我敢打賭，那位郵務(wù)員中午下班去吃午飯的時(shí)候，他腳步就像騰云駕霧般的輕松。晚上回去家里，他會(huì)跟太太提到這事，而且還會(huì)對(duì)著鏡子說(shuō)：「嗯，我的頭發(fā)確實(shí)不錯(cuò)?！?/p>

　　I told this story once in public and a man asked meafterwards: “‘What did you want to get out of him?”

　　我曾在公共場(chǎng)所，講過(guò)這個(gè)故事，后來(lái)有人問(wèn)我：「你想從那個(gè)郵務(wù)員身上，得到些什么?」

　　What was I trying to get out of him!!! What was I tryingto get out of him!!!

　　我想得到些什么?我想要從那個(gè)郵務(wù)員身上，得到些什么?

　　If we are so contemptibly selfish that we can’t radiatea little happiness and pass on a bit of honest appreciationwithout trying to get something out of the other personin return - if our souls are no bigger than sour crab apples,we shall meet with the failure we so richly deserve.Oh yes, I did want something out of that chap. Iwanted something priceless. And I got it. I got the feelingthat I had done something for him without his beingable to do anything whatever in return for me. That is afeeling that flows and sings in your memory lung afterthe incident is past.

　　如果我們是那樣的卑賤自私，不從別人身上得到什么，就不愿意分給別人一點(diǎn)快樂(lè)，假如我們的氣量比一個(gè)酸蘋(píng)果還小，那我們所要遭遇到的，也絕對(duì)是失敗。

　　There is one all-important law of human conduct. If we obey that law, we shall almost never get into trouble.In fact, that law, if obeyed, will bring us countlessfriends and constant happiness. But the very instant webreak the law, we shall get into endless trouble. The lawis this: Always make the other person feel important.John Dewey, as we have already noted, said that thedesire to be important is the deepest urge in humannature; and William James said: “The deepest principlein human nature is the craving to be appreciated.” As Ihave already pointed out, it is this urge that differentiatesus from the animals. It is this urge that has beenresponsible for civilization itself.

　　嗯，是的，我確實(shí)想要從那人身上，得到些什么!我想要獲得一些極貴重的東西，而我已經(jīng)得到了--我使他感覺(jué)到，我替他做了一件不需要他報(bào)答的事。那件事，即使過(guò)了很久以后，但在他回憶中，依然閃耀出光芒來(lái)。

　　Philosophers have been speculating on the rules ofhuman relationships for thousands of years, and out ofall that speculation, there has evolved only one importantprecept. It is not new. It is as old as history. Zoroastertaught it to his followers in Persia twenty-fivehundred years ago. Confucius preached it in Chinatwenty-four centuries ago. Lao-tse, the founder ofTaoism, taught it to his disciples in the Valley of theHan. Buddha preached it on the bank of the HolyGanges five hundred years before Christ. The sacredbooks of Hinduism taught it a thousand years beforethat. Jesus taught it among the stony hills of Judea nineteencenturies ago. Jesus summed it up in one thought-probably the most important rule in the world: “Dounto others as you would have others do unto you.”

　　人們的行為，有一項(xiàng)絕對(duì)重要的定律，如果我們遵守這項(xiàng)定律，差不多永遠(yuǎn)不會(huì)遇到煩憂(yōu)。

　　You want the approval of those with whom you comein contact. You want recognition of your true worth. Youwant a feeling that you are important in your little world.You don’t want to listen to cheap, insincere flattery, butyou do crave sincere appreciation. You want your friendsand associates to be, as Charles Schwab put it, “heartyin their approbation and lavish in their praise.” All of uswant that.

　　事實(shí)上，如果遵守這項(xiàng)定律，會(huì)替我們帶來(lái)無(wú)數(shù)的朋友，和永久的快樂(lè)?？墒侨绻`反了那項(xiàng)定律，我們就會(huì)遭遇到無(wú)數(shù)的困難。這項(xiàng)定律是.永遠(yuǎn)使別人感覺(jué)重要.

　　So let’s obey the Golden Rule, and give unto otherswhat we would have others give unto us,How? When? Where? The answer is: All the time,everywhere.

　　社威教授曾這樣說(shuō)過(guò)：「自重的欲望，是人們天性中最急切的要求?！官Z姆斯博士說(shuō)：「人們天性的至深本質(zhì)，是渴求為人所重視?！刮以?jīng)說(shuō)過(guò)，人與動(dòng)物相異之處，就在于自重感的有與無(wú)，而人類(lèi)的文化也由此而起的。

　　David G. Smith of Eau Claire, Wisconsin, told one ofour classes how he handled a delicate situation when hewas asked to take charge of the refreshment booth at a charity concert,“The night of the concert I arrived at the park andfound two elderly ladies in a very bad humor standingnext to the refreshment stand. Apparently each thoughtthat she was in charge of this project. As I stood therepondering what to do, me of the members of the sponsoringcommittee appeared and handed me a cashbox and thanked me for taking over the project. Sheintroduced Rose and Jane as my helpers and then ranoff.

　　哲學(xué)家們對(duì)于人類(lèi)關(guān)系的定律，思考了數(shù)千年。而所有的思考中，結(jié)果祇引證出一條定律。那項(xiàng)定律不是新的，它跟歷史一樣的古老!三千多年前，瑣羅斯特把那條定律教給所有拜火教徒。二十四個(gè)世紀(jì)前，孔子在中國(guó)宣講，道教始祖老子教他的門(mén)徒。紀(jì)元前五百年，釋迦牟尼也把那條定律留傳人間。耶穌把那條定律，綜合在一個(gè)思想中--那是世界上一項(xiàng)

　　"A great silence ensued. Realizing that the cash boxwas a symbol of authority (of sorts), I gave the box toRose and explained that I might not be able to keep themoney straight and that if she took care of it I would feelbetter. I then suggested to Jane that she show two teenagerswho had been assigned to refreshments how tooperate the soda machine, and I asked her to be responsiblefor that part of the project.

　　最重要的定律：「你希望別人怎樣待你，你就該怎樣去對(duì)待別人?！?/p>

　　“The evening was very enjoyable with Rose happilycounting the money, Jane supervising the teenagers, andme enjoying the concert.”

　　你想要跟你接觸的人都贊同你，你想要?jiǎng)e人承認(rèn)你的價(jià)值，你想要在你的小世界里，有一種自重感。你不希望受到?jīng)]有價(jià)值、不真誠(chéng)的阿諛，你渴求真誠(chéng)的贊賞。你希望你的朋友，就像司華伯所說(shuō)的，「誠(chéng)于嘉許，寬于稱(chēng)道」。所有的人都需要這些。

　　You don’t have to wait until you are ambassador toFrance or chairman of the Clambake Committee of yourlodge before you use this philosophy of appreciation.You can work magic with it almost every day.

　　所以讓我們遵守這條金科玉律以希望別人所給我的，而去給別人。

　　If, for example, the waitress brings us mashed potatoeswhen we have ordered French fried, let’s say: “I’m sorryto trouble you, but I prefer French fried.” She’ll probablyreply, “No trouble at all” and will be glad to changethe potatoes, because we have shown respect for her.

　　如何做?何時(shí)做?在什么地方做?這個(gè)答案是：「所有的時(shí)間，任何地點(diǎn)?！?/p>

　　Little phrases such as “I’m sorry to trouble you,”“Would you be so kind as to ----? " "Won't youplease?” " Would you mind?” “Thank you” - little courtesieslike these oil the cogs of the monotonous grind ofeveryday life- and, incidentally, they are the hallmarkof good breeding.

　　例如：有一次，我去無(wú)線電城詢(xún)問(wèn)處，打聽(tīng)蘇文的辦公室號(hào)碼。那個(gè)穿著整潔制服的詢(xún)問(wèn)員，似乎自己顯得很高貴，他很清晰的回答：「亨利.蘇文(頓了頓)，十八樓(頓了頓)，一八一六室?！?/p>

　　Let’s take another illustration. Hall Caine’s novels-TheChristian, The Deemster, The Manxman, amongthem - were all best-sellers in the early part of this century.

　　我走向電梯，想了想，接著又走了回來(lái)，向那個(gè)詢(xún)問(wèn)員說(shuō)：「你回答問(wèn)題的方法很漂亮，很清楚、恰當(dāng)，你像一個(gè)藝術(shù)家，實(shí)在不簡(jiǎn)單?！?/p>

　　Millions of people read his novels, countless millions.He was the son of a blacksmith. He never hadmore than eight years’ schooling in his life; yet when hedied he was the richest literary man of his time.

　　他臉上現(xiàn)出愉快的光芒，他告訴我，為什么在答話(huà)時(shí)，中間要頓一頓，為什么每句話(huà)的幾個(gè)字，要那么說(shuō)。他聽(tīng)了我那些話(huà)后，高興得把領(lǐng)帶略為往上拉高些。當(dāng)我搭乘電梯上了十八樓時(shí)，我覺(jué)得人們快樂(lè)的總量上，我又加上了一點(diǎn)。

　　The story goes like this: Hall Caine loved sonnets andballads; so he devoured all of Dante Gabriel Rossetti’spoetry. He even wrote a lecture chanting the praises ofRossetti’s artistic achievement-and sent a copy to Rossettihimself. Rossetti was delighted. “Any young manwho has such an exalted opinion of my ability,” Rossettiprobably said to himself, “must be brilliant,” So Rossettiinvited this blacksmith’s son to come to London and actas his secretary. That was the turning point in HallCaine’s life; for, in his new position, he met the literaryartists of the day. Profiting by their advice and inspiredby their encouragement, he launched upon a career thatemblazoned his name across the sky.

　　你不需要等到職任駐法大使，或是做了一個(gè)很大俱樂(lè)部主席時(shí)，才去稱(chēng)贊別人，你幾乎每天都可以應(yīng)用它。

　　His home, Greeba Castle, on the Isle of Man, becamea Mecca for tourists from the far corners of the world,and he left a multimillion dollar estate. Yet - who knows- he might have died poor and unknown had he notwritten an essay expressing his admiration for a famousman.

　　譬如：我們要一客法式的煎馬鈴薯，而那個(gè)女服務(wù)生替你端來(lái)了煮的馬鈴薯，在那時(shí)候，我們就不妨這樣說(shuō)：「對(duì)不起，要麻煩妳了--我喜歡的是法式的煎馬鈴薯?！顾龝?huì)回答一點(diǎn)也不麻煩」，并且很樂(lè)意的替你去更換，因?yàn)槟阆茸鹬亓怂?/p>

　　Such is the power, the stupendous power, of sincere,heartfelt appreciation.

　　平時(shí)客氣的話(huà)，像「對(duì)不起，麻煩你，請(qǐng)你，你會(huì)介意嗎..謝謝你!」這些簡(jiǎn)短的話(huà)，可以減少人與人之間的糾紛，同時(shí)也自然地表現(xiàn)出高貴的人格來(lái)。

　　Rossetti considered himself important. That is notstrange, Almost everyone considers himself important,very important.

　　讓我們?cè)倥e個(gè)例子：美國(guó)著名小說(shuō)家「柯恩」，是個(gè)鐵匠的兒子，他一生沒(méi)有受過(guò)八年以上的教育，可是在他去世的時(shí)候，是世界上一位最富有的文人。

　　The life of many a person could probably be changedif only someone would make him feel important. RonaldJ. Rowland, who is one of the instructors of our coursein California, is also a teacher of arts and crafts. He wroteto us about a student named Chris in his beginningcrafts class:

　　經(jīng)過(guò)情形是這樣的--柯恩喜歡詩(shī)詞，所以他讀盡了「羅賽迪」的詩(shī)。甚至他還寫(xiě)了一篇演講稿，歌頌羅賽迪茲術(shù)上的成就，并且還送了一份給羅賽迪。羅賽迪根高興，他作這樣的表示：「一個(gè)年輕人，對(duì)我的才學(xué)有這樣高超的見(jiàn)解，他一定很聰明?！?/p>

　　Chris was a very quiet, shy boy lacking in self-confidence,the kind of student that often does not receive theattention he deserves. I also teach an advanced class thathad grown to be somewhat of a status symbol and a privilegefor a student to have earned the right to be in it.On Wednesday, Chris was diligently working at his desk.

　　羅賽迪就請(qǐng)這個(gè)鐵匠的兒子來(lái)倫敦，當(dāng)他的私人秘書(shū)?？露饕簧霓D(zhuǎn)折點(diǎn)，就在這時(shí)候。他在這個(gè)新的職位上，見(jiàn)到了許多當(dāng)代的大文豪。受到他們的指導(dǎo)和鼓勵(lì)，順利的展開(kāi)他寫(xiě)作的生涯，才使他享名宇內(nèi)。

　　I really felt there was a hidden fire deep inside him. I askedChris if he would like to be in the advanced class. How Iwish I could express the look in Chris’s face, the emotionsin that shy fourteen-year-old boy, trying to hold back histears.

　　他的故鄉(xiāng)在格利巴堡，現(xiàn)在已是旅游的圣地。他遺產(chǎn)有二百五十萬(wàn)元，可是誰(shuí)會(huì)知道，如果他沒(méi)有寫(xiě)那篇贊賞名詩(shī)人的演講稿，可能會(huì)默默無(wú)聞，貧困而去世。

　　“Who me, Mr. Rowland? Am I good enough?”

　　這就是真誠(chéng)，一股出自?xún)?nèi)心的贊賞的力量。

　　“Yes, Chris, you are good enough.”

　　羅賽迪認(rèn)為他自己重要，那并不稀奇，幾乎每個(gè)人都認(rèn)為自己是最重要的一個(gè)國(guó)家也是如此。

　　I had to leave at that point because tears were coming tomy eyes. As Chris walked out of class that day, seeminglytwo inches taller, he looked at me with bright blue eyes andsaid in a positive voice, “Thank you, Mr. Rowland.”

　　你是否感覺(jué)到，你比日本人優(yōu)越?可是事實(shí)上，日本人以為他們自己，比你優(yōu)越得多。如果一個(gè)守舊的日本人，當(dāng)他看到一個(gè)白種人，跟一個(gè)日本女人跳舞時(shí)，他會(huì)感到非常氣忿。

　　Chris taught me a lesson I will never forget-our deepdesire to feel important. To help me never forget this rule,I made a sign which reads “YOU ARE IMPORTANT." Thissign hangs in the front of the classroom for all to see and toremind me that each student I face is equally important.

　　你以為你比印度人優(yōu)越?你有權(quán)可以這樣想，可是他們的感覺(jué)，就跟你完全相反。

　　The unvarnished truth is that almost all the peopleyou meet feel themselves superior to you in some way,and a sure way to their hearts is to let them realize insome subtle way that you recognize their importance,and recognize it sincerely.

　　你以為你比愛(ài)斯基摩人優(yōu)越?，你當(dāng)然可以這樣想，可是你是不是想知道，愛(ài)斯基摩人對(duì)你的看法又如何呢?在他們的社會(huì)里，如果有個(gè)好吃懶做，不務(wù)正業(yè)的人，愛(ài)斯基摩人指那種無(wú)賴(lài)漢叫「白人」那是他們輕視人最刻薄的話(huà)。

　　Remember what Emerson said: “Every man I meet ismy superior in some way. In that, I learn of him.”

　　每一個(gè)國(guó)家都覺(jué)得比別的國(guó)家優(yōu)越，這樣就產(chǎn)生了愛(ài)國(guó)主義和戰(zhàn)爭(zhēng)。

　　And the pathetic part of it is that frequently those whohave the least justification for a feeling of achievementbolster up their egos by a show of tumult and conceitwhich is truly nauseating. As Shakespeare put it: ". . .man, proud man,/Drest in a little brief authority,/ . . .Plays such fantastic tricks before high heaven/As makethe angels weep.”

　　有一條最明顯的真理，就是你所遇到的任何人，幾乎每個(gè)人，都覺(jué)得自己某方面比你優(yōu)秀?？墒怯幸粋€(gè)方法，可以深入他的心底--就是讓他覺(jué)得你承認(rèn)他在自己的小天地里，是高貴重要的，要真誠(chéng)的承認(rèn)。

　　I am going to tell you how business people in my owncourses have applied these principles with remarkableresults. Let’s take the case of a Connecticut attorney (becauseof his relatives he prefers not to have his namementioned).

　　別忘記愛(ài)默生所說(shuō)的：「凡我所遇到的人，都有比我優(yōu)越的地方，而在那些方面，我能向他學(xué)習(xí)?！?/p>

　　Shortly after joining the course, Mr. R----- drove toLong Island with his wife to visit some of her relatives.

　　有些人剛剛覺(jué)得自己有若干的成就，就感到自滿(mǎn)，結(jié)果引起別人的反感和憎厭。

　　She left him to chat with an old aunt of hers and therrushed off by herself to visit some of the younger relatives.Since he soon had to give a speech professionallyon how he applied the principles of appreciation, hethought he would gain some worthwhile experiencetalking with the-elderly lady. So he looked around thehouse to see what he could honestly admire.

　　莎士比亞曾經(jīng)這樣說(shuō)過(guò)：「人，驕傲的人，借著一點(diǎn)短促的能力，便在上帝面前胡作妄為，使天使為之落淚?！?/p>

　　“This house was built about 1890, wasn’t it?” he inquired.

　　我要告訴你，關(guān)于我講習(xí)班里，三個(gè)學(xué)員的故事。他們運(yùn)用了這條原理，而獲得了驚人的效果。第一個(gè)是康乃鐵克脫州的律師，他不愿意發(fā)表自己的名字，我們就用R先生來(lái)代替

　　“Yes,” she replied, “that is precisely the year it wasbuilt.”

　　R君來(lái)我講習(xí)班沒(méi)有多久，有一天，他駕著汽車(chē)陪太太去長(zhǎng)島拜訪親戚，他太太留下他陪親戚老姑媽閑談，自已另外看別的親戚去了。R君要把學(xué)習(xí)所得，作一次實(shí)地的應(yīng)用，以便將來(lái)寫(xiě)篇報(bào)告，于是他想從這位老姑媽身上開(kāi)始，所以他朝屋子四周看了看，有那些是值得他贊賞的。

　　“It reminds me of the house I was born in,” he said.“It’s beautiful. Well built. Roomy. You know, they don’tbuild houses like this anymore.”

　　她問(wèn)老姑媽?zhuān)哼@棟房子是一八九O年建造的，是嗎?」

　　“You’re right,” the old lady agreed. “The young folksnowadays don’t care for beautiful homes. All they wantis a small apartment, and then they go off gadding aboutin their automobiles.

　　「是的，」老姑媽回答：「正是那年造的?！?/p>

　　“This is a dream house,” she said in a voice vibratingwith tender memories. “This house was built with love.My husband and I dreamed about it for years before webuilt it. We didn’t have an architect. We planned it allourselves."

　　他又說(shuō)：這使我想起，我出生的那棟房子--非常美麗，建筑也好?，F(xiàn)在的人都不講究這些了?！?/p>

　　She showed Mr. R----- about the house, and he expressedhis hearty admiration for the beautiful treasuresshe had picked up in her travels and cherished over alifetime - paisley shawls, an old English tea set, Wedgwoodchina, French beds and chairs, Italian paintings,and silk draperies that had once hung in a French chateau.

　　「是的，」老姑媽點(diǎn)點(diǎn)頭：「現(xiàn)在年輕人，已不講究住好看的房子，他們只需要一所小公寓，和一座電冰箱，再有就是一部汽車(chē)而已?！?/p>

　　After showing Mr. R----- through the house, she tookhim out to the garage. There, jacked up on blocks, was aPackard car - in mint condition.

　　老姑媽?xiě)阎貞浀男那?，輕柔的說(shuō)：這是一棟理想的房子這屋子是用「愛(ài)」所建造成的。我和我的丈夫，在建造之前，已夢(mèng)想了很多年。我們沒(méi)有請(qǐng)建筑師，完全是我們自己設(shè)計(jì)的?！?/p>

　　"My husband bought that car for me shortly before hepassed on,” she said softly. “I have never ridden in itsince his death. . . . You appreciate nice things, and I’mgoing to give this car to you.”

　　老姑媽領(lǐng)著R君，去各房間參觀。R君對(duì)她一生所珍愛(ài)收藏的各種珍品，像法國(guó)式床椅、一套古式的英國(guó)茶具、意大利的名晝、和一幅曾經(jīng)掛在法國(guó)封建時(shí)代宮堡里的絲帷，都真誠(chéng)的加以贊美。

　　“Why, aunty,” he said, “you overwhelm me. I appreciateyour generosity, of course; but I couldn’t possibly

　　R先生接著又說(shuō)：「老姑媽帶我參觀房間過(guò)后，她又帶我去車(chē)庫(kù)，里面停著一輛很新的「派凱特」牌的汽車(chē)?！?/p>

　　accept it. I’m not even a relative of yours. I have a newcar, and you have many relatives that would like to havethat Packard.”

　　她輕輕說(shuō)：這部車(chē)子，是我丈夫去世前不久買(mǎi)的--自從他去世后，我就再也沒(méi)有坐

　　“Relatives!” she exclaimed. “Yes, I have relatives whoare just waiting till I die so they can get that car. Butthey are not going to get it.”

　　過(guò)--你愛(ài)欣賞美麗的東西，我要把這部車(chē)子送給你!」

　　“If you don’t want to give it to them, you can veryeasily sell it to a secondhand dealer,” he told her.

　　R君聽(tīng)到這話(huà)，感到很意外，婉轉(zhuǎn)辭謝，說(shuō)：「姑媽?zhuān)腋屑叺暮靡?，可是我不能接受。我自己已?jīng)有了一輛新的車(chē)子妳有很多更親近的親戚，相信他們會(huì)喜歡這部車(chē)子的?！?/p>

　　“Sell it!” she cried. “Do you think I would sell thiscar? Do you think I could stand to see strangers ridingup and down the street in that car - that car that myhusband bought for me? I wouldn’t dream of selling it.I’m going to give it to you. You appreciate beautifulthings."

　　「親戚!.」老姑媽提高了聲音說(shuō)：「是的，我有很多更親近的親戚，他們希望我趕快離開(kāi)這個(gè)世界，他們就可以得到這部車(chē)子，可是，他們永遠(yuǎn)得不到。」

　　He tried to get out of accepting the car, but he couldn’twithout hurting her feelings.

　　R君說(shuō)：「姑媽?zhuān)悴辉敢馑徒o他們，可以把這部車(chē)子賣(mài)掉。」

　　This lady, left all alone in a big house with her paisleyshawls, her French antiques, and her memories, wasstarving for a little recognition, She had once beenyoung and beautiful and sought after She had once builta house warm with love and had collected things fromall over Europe to make it beautiful. Now, in the isolatedloneliness of old age, she craved a little human warmth,a little genuine appreciation - and no one gave it to her.And when she found it, like a spring in the desert, hergratitude couldn’t adequately express itself with anythingless than the gift of her cherished Packard.

　　「賣(mài)掉!.」老姑媽叫了起來(lái)：「你看我會(huì)賣(mài)掉這部車(chē)子?你想我會(huì)忍心看著陌生人駕著這部車(chē)子行駛在街上?這是我丈夫特地替我買(mǎi)的，我做夢(mèng)也不會(huì)想賣(mài)我愿意交給你，因?yàn)槟愣萌绾涡蕾p一件美麗的東西!」

　　Let’s take another case: Donald M. McMahon, whowas superintendent of Lewis and Valentine, nurserymenand landscape architects in Rye, New York, relatedthis incident:

　　R君婉轉(zhuǎn)的辭謝，不愿接受她的贈(zèng)予，可是他不能刺傷了老姑媽的感情。

　　“Shortly after I attended the talk on ‘How to WinFriends and Influence People,’ I was landscaping theestate of a famous attorney. The owner came out to giveme a few instructions about where he wished to plant amass of rhododendrons and azaleas.

　　這位老太太單獨(dú)一個(gè)人，住在這棟寬敞的房子里，對(duì)著屋子里這些精致、珍貴的陳設(shè)，緬懷若以往的回憶--她希望有一個(gè)人，跟她有同樣的感受。她有過(guò)一段金色的年華，那時(shí)她美麗動(dòng)人，為男士們所追求。她建造了這棟孕育著「愛(ài)」的房子，并且從歐洲各地，搜集了很多珍品來(lái)加以陳設(shè)裝璜。

　　“I said, ‘Judge, you have a lovely hobby. I've beenadmiring your beautiful dogs. I understand you win a lot

　　現(xiàn)在這位老姑媽?zhuān)L(fēng)煙殘年，孤零零的一個(gè)人，她渴望著能獲得一點(diǎn)人間的溫暖，一點(diǎn)出于真心的贊美--可是，卻沒(méi)有一個(gè)人給她。于是當(dāng)她發(fā)現(xiàn)她找到的時(shí)候，就像沙漠中涌出一泓泉水來(lái)，使她心底激動(dòng)而感謝，甚至愿意把這部「派凱特」牌的汽車(chē)相贈(zèng)。

　　of blue ribbons every year at the show in MadisonSquare Garden.’

　　讓我再舉一個(gè)例子!這是紐約一位園茲設(shè)計(jì)家「麥克烏霍」，所說(shuō)的經(jīng)過(guò)情形：

　　“The effect of this little expression of appreciation wasstriking.

　　「在我聽(tīng)了『如何交友和影響他人」的演講后不久，我替一位著名的司法官設(shè)計(jì)園景。那位司法官出來(lái)提出他的建議，在什么地方該栽種些什么花。

　　" ‘Yes,’ the judge replied, ‘I do have a lot of fun withmy dogs. Would you like to see my kennel?’

　　我說(shuō)：『法官，你有很好的業(yè)余嗜好--你那幾條狗都很可愛(ài)，我聽(tīng)說(shuō)你曾得過(guò)很多次，賽狗會(huì)中的藍(lán)絲帶優(yōu)等獎(jiǎng)狀?！?/p>

　　“He spent almost an hour showing me his dogs andthe prizes they had won. He even brought out theirpedigrees and explained about the bloodlines responsiblefor such beauty and intelligence.

　　我這句話(huà)果然出現(xiàn)了效果，那位司法官說(shuō)：

　　“Finally, turning to me, he asked: ‘Do you have anysmall children?’

　　『是的，我對(duì)于養(yǎng)狗很感到興趣，你要不要參觀我的狗舍.」

　　" ‘Yes, I do,’ I replied, ‘I have a son.’

　　他費(fèi)了差不多一個(gè)小時(shí)的時(shí)間，帶我去看他的狗，和他所得的許多獎(jiǎng)狀。他拿出有關(guān)那些狗的血統(tǒng)系譜，告訴我每條狗的血統(tǒng)--由于有優(yōu)越的血統(tǒng)，所以他豢養(yǎng)的狗都活潑、可愛(ài)。

　　" ‘Well, wouldn’t he like a puppy?’ the judge inquired.

　　最后他問(wèn)我：『你有沒(méi)有小男孩?」

　　" ‘Oh, yes, he’d be tickled pink.’

　　我告訴他有的。

　　" ‘All right, I’m going to give him one,' the . judge announced.

　　他接著問(wèn)我：『你孩子會(huì)不會(huì)喜歡小狗?」

　　He started to tell me how to feed the puppy. Then hepaused. ‘You’ll forget it if I tell you. I’ll write it out.’ Sothe judge went in the house, typed out the pedigree andfeeding instructions, and gave me a puppy worth severalhundred dollars and one hour and fifteen minutes of hisvaluable time largely because I had expressed my honestadmiration for his hobby and achievements.”

　　我說(shuō)：『嗯，是的，我相信他一定會(huì)喜歡的?！?/p>

　　George Eastman, of Kodak fame, invented the transparentfilm that made motion pictures possible, amasseda fortune of a hundred million dollars, and made himselfone of the most famous businessmen on earth. Yet inspite of all these tremendous accomplishments, hecraved little recognitions even as you and I.

　　司法官點(diǎn)頭說(shuō)：『那太好了，我送他一只。」

　　To illustrate: When Eastman was building the EastmanSchool of Music and also Kilbourn Hall in Rochester,James Adamson, then president of the SuperiorSeating Company of New York, wanted to get the orderto supply the theater chairs for these buildings. Phoningthe architect, Mr. Adamson made an appointment to see Mr. Eastman in Rochester.

　　他告訴我如何豢養(yǎng)小狗，頓了頓他又說(shuō)：『我這樣告訴你，你很快就會(huì)忘了，讓我寫(xiě)下來(lái)給你?！鼓俏凰痉ü龠M(jìn)去屋里，把他要送我的那頭小狗的血統(tǒng)系譜和喂養(yǎng)的方法，用打字機(jī)很清楚的打了出來(lái)，然后給我一頭價(jià)值百元的小狗，同時(shí)還浪費(fèi)了他一小時(shí)又十五分鐘寶

　　When Adamson arrived, the architect said: "I knowyou want to get this order, but I can tell you right nowthat you won’t stand a ghost of a show if you take morethan five minutes of George Eastman’s time. He is astrict disciplinarian. He is very busy. So tell your storyquickly and get out.”

　　貴的時(shí)間。那是我對(duì)他的嗜好和成就，表示真摯的贊賞所獲得的結(jié)果?！?/p>

　　Adamson was prepared to do just that.

　　柯達(dá)公司的伊斯曼，發(fā)明了透明膠片后，活動(dòng)電影的攝制，才獲得了真正的成功，同時(shí)也使他獲得了億元的財(cái)富，成為世界上一位著名的商人。他雖然有這樣偉大的成就，可是他仍然跟你我一樣，渴求著別人的贊賞。

　　When he was ushered into the room he saw Mr. Eastmanbending over a pile of papers at his desk. Presently,Mr. Eastman looked up, removed his glasses, andwalked toward the architect and Mr. Adamson, saying:“Good morning, gentlemen, what can I do for you?”

　　例如：數(shù)年前，伊斯曼在洛賈士德建造「伊斯曼音樂(lè)學(xué)?！?，和「凱本劇場(chǎng)」。這個(gè)劇場(chǎng)是用來(lái)紀(jì)念他母親的。紐約優(yōu)美座椅公司經(jīng)理「愛(ài)達(dá)森」，希望能承辦該劇場(chǎng)里的座椅工程，他打了個(gè)電話(huà)給建筑師，約妥去洛賈士德見(jiàn)伊斯曼。

　　The architect introduced them, and then Mr. Adamsonsaid: “While we’ve been waiting for you, Mr. Eastman,I’ve been admiring your office. I wouldn’t mind workingin a room like this myself. I’m in the interior-woodworkingbusiness, and I never saw a more beautiful office inall my life.”

　　愛(ài)達(dá)森到了那里，那位建筑師說(shuō)：「我知道你想得到座椅的訂貨合同，不過(guò)我需要告訴你，伊斯曼工作極忙，極嚴(yán)肅，如果你用了他五分鐘以上的時(shí)間，你就別打算再做這一筆生意了。他不但事情忙，脾氣也很大，所以我告訴你，當(dāng)你快速的向他說(shuō)明來(lái)意后，就即離開(kāi)他的辦公室?！?/p>

　　George Eastman replied: “You remind me of somethingI had almost forgotten. It is beautiful, isn’t it? Ienjoyed it a great deal when it was first built. But I comedown here now with a lot of other things on my mindand sometimes don’t even see the room for weeks at atime ."

　　愛(ài)達(dá)森聽(tīng)后，就準(zhǔn)備那樣做。

　　Adamson walked over and rubbed his hand across apanel. “This is English oak, isn’t it? A little differenttexture from Italian oak.”

　　他被引進(jìn)一間辦公室，看到伊斯曼正理首工作，在處理桌上一堆文件。伊斯曼見(jiàn)有人進(jìn)來(lái)，抬起頭摘下眼鏡，向建筑師和愛(ài)達(dá)森說(shuō)：「兩位早，有何見(jiàn)教?」

　　“Yes,” Eastman replied. “Imported English oak. Itwas selected for me by a friend who specializes in finewoods ."

　　建筑師介紹了他們認(rèn)識(shí)后，愛(ài)達(dá)森說(shuō)：

　　Then Eastman showed him about the room, commentingon the proportions, the coloring, the hand carvingand other effects he had helped to plan and execute.

　　「伊斯曼先生，我很羨慕你的辦公室。如果我擁有像你這樣一間辦公室，我一定也很高興在?面工作。你知道我是從事于室內(nèi)木工營(yíng)業(yè)的，我從沒(méi)有見(jiàn)過(guò)像這樣一間漂亮的辦公室?！?/p>

　　While drifting about the room, admiring the wood-work,they paused before a window, and George Eastman,in his modest, soft-spoken way, pointed out some of the institutions through which he was trying to helphumanity: the University of Rochester, the General Hospital,the Homeopathic Hospital, the Friendly Home,the Children’s Hospital. Mr. Adamson congratulatedhim warmly on the idealistic way he was using hiswealth to alleviate the sufferings of humanity. Presently,George Eastman unlocked a glass case and pulled outthe first camera he had ever owned - an invention hehad bought from an Englishman.

　　伊斯曼回答說(shuō)：

　　Adamson questioned him at length about his earlystruggles to get started in business, and Mr. Eastmanspoke with real feeling about the poverty of his childhood,telling how his widowed mother had kept a boardinghousewhile he clerked in an insurance office. Theterror of poverty haunted him day and night, and heresolved to make enough money so that his motherwouldn’t have to work, Mr. Adamson drew him out withfurther questions and listened, absorbed, while he relatedthe story of his experiments with dry photographicplates. He told how he had worked in an office all day,and sometimes experimented all night, taking only briefnaps while the chemicals were working, sometimesworking and sleeping in his clothes for seventy-twohours at a stretch.

　　「謝謝你提醒了我已差點(diǎn)忘了的事，這間辦公室很漂亮是不是?當(dāng)初這間辦公室布置完成后，我確實(shí)非常喜歡可是現(xiàn)在，由于我工作太忙，有時(shí)甚至于接連數(shù)星期，不會(huì)注意到這上面了?！?/p>

　　James Adamson had been ushered into Eastman’s officeat ten-fifteen and had been warned that he must nottake more than five minutes; but an hour had passed,then two hours passed. And they were still talking.Finally, George Eastman turned to Adamson and said,“The last time I was in Japan I bought some chairs,brought them home, and put them in my sun porch. Butthe sun peeled the paint, so I went downtown the otherday and bought some paint and painted the chairs myself.Would you like to see what sort of a job I can dopainting chairs? All right. Come up to my home and havelunch with me and I’ll show you.”

　　愛(ài)達(dá)森過(guò)去用手摸摸辦公室的壁板，說(shuō)：「這是不是英國(guó)橡木?它和意大利橡木的品質(zhì)，稍有不同」

　　After lunch, Mr. Eastman showed Adamson the chairshe had brought from Japan. They weren’t worth morethan a few dollars, but George Eastman, now a multimillionaire,was proud of them because he himself hadpainted them.

　　伊斯曼回答說(shuō)：「是的，這是進(jìn)口的英國(guó)橡木，是一位專(zhuān)門(mén)研究細(xì)木的朋友，替我特別挑選的?！?/p>

　　The order for the seats amounted to ,000. Who do you suppose got the order - James Adamson or one ofhis competitors?

　　接著，伊斯曼陪同他，參觀自己設(shè)計(jì)的室內(nèi)陳設(shè)，包括木門(mén)，油漆色彩，和雕刻工等。

　　From the time of this story until Mr. Eastman’s death,he and James Adamson were close friends.

　　他們?cè)谝簧却扒巴Ａ讼聛?lái)，伊斯曼和藹的表示，他要捐助給洛賈士德大學(xué)，和公立醫(yī)院等」些錢(qián)，為社會(huì)盡一點(diǎn)心意。愛(ài)達(dá)森熱誠(chéng)的恭賀他說(shuō)，這是一樁古道熱腸的慈善義舉。伊斯曼打開(kāi)玻璃櫥的鎖，取出他從前買(mǎi)的第一架攝影機(jī)--那是向一個(gè)英國(guó)人買(mǎi)下的發(fā)明品。

　　Claude Marais, a restaurant owner in Rouen, France,used this principle and saved his restaurant the loss of akey employee. This woman had been in his employ forfive years and was a vital link between M. Marais andhis staff of twenty-one people. He was shocked to receivea registered letter from her advising him of herresignation.

　　愛(ài)達(dá)森問(wèn)他，當(dāng)初如何開(kāi)始他商業(yè)上的掙扎和奮斗的?伊斯曼感慨的敘述他幼年時(shí)候的貧苦情景--他守寡的母親，開(kāi)了一家出租 小公寓。他自己則在一家保險(xiǎn)公司做小職員，每天只賺五毛錢(qián)。他由于受到饑寒所困，所以立志要刻苦奮斗，免得母親辛勞至死。

　　M. Marais reported: "I was very surprised and, evenmore, disappointed, because I was under the impressionthat I had been fair to her and receptive to her needs.Inasmuch as she was a friend as well as an employee, Iprobably had taken her too much for granted and maybewas even more demanding of her than of other employees.

　　愛(ài)達(dá)森又找些別的話(huà)題，而他自己卻靜靜地聽(tīng)著!伊斯曼談到他實(shí)驗(yàn)室的一段往事上：他說(shuō)他過(guò)去做實(shí)驗(yàn)的時(shí)候，在辦公室里花了整天的時(shí)間，有時(shí)候整個(gè)晚上--有時(shí)候，甚至穿起工作服，三晝夜不能脫下來(lái)。

　　"I could not, of course, accept this resignation withoutsome explanation. I took her aside and said, ‘Paulette,you must understand that I cannot accept your resignationYou mean a great deal to me and to this company,and you are as important to the success of this restaurantas I am.’ I repeated this in front of the entire staff, and Iinvited her to my home and reiterated my confidence inher with my family present.

　　愛(ài)達(dá)森是上午十點(diǎn)十五分進(jìn)伊斯曼辦公室的，當(dāng)時(shí)那位建筑師曾勸告他，最多只能耽留五分鐘，可是，一小時(shí)，兩小時(shí)都過(guò)去了，他們?nèi)匀辉谡勚?/p>

　　“Paulette withdrew her resignation, and today I canrely on her as never before. I frequently reinforce thisby expressing my appreciation for what she does andshowing her how important she is to me and to the restaurant.”

　　最后，伊斯曼向愛(ài)達(dá)森說(shuō)：「上次我去日本，買(mǎi)了幾張椅子回來(lái)，我把它們放在陽(yáng)臺(tái)上，后來(lái)陽(yáng)光把椅子上的漆曬脫了，我買(mǎi)了些油漆回來(lái)自己漆你要不要看看我自己漆椅子的成績(jī)?nèi)绾?對(duì)了，你來(lái)我家，我們一起吃午飯，我讓你看看?！?/p>

　　“Talk to people about themselves,” said Disraeli, oneof the shrewdest men who ever ruled the British Empire.“Talk to people about themselves and they willlisten for hours ."

　　午飯后，伊斯曼把他漆的椅子拿給愛(ài)達(dá)森看--那些椅子，每張不會(huì)超過(guò)一塊五毛錢(qián)，而事業(yè)上盈利億元的伊斯曼，他卻認(rèn)為很自豪，只因?yàn)槟鞘撬约浩岬摹?/p>

　　PRINCIPLE 6Make the other person feel important-anddo it sincerely.

　　「凱本劇場(chǎng)」座椅這筆訂貨的總額是九萬(wàn)元。你猜，是誰(shuí)得到了定貨合同?除了愛(ài)達(dá)森外，還會(huì)有其它人?

　　就從那時(shí)候開(kāi)始，直到伊斯曼去世，他們一直保持著極密切的友誼。

　　你我該從什么地方開(kāi)始，實(shí)施這種奇妙的試金石?為什么不由你自己的家庭開(kāi)始呢?我不知道還有任何其它地方更為需要或是更能忽略。我相信你太太一定有她的長(zhǎng)處，至少曾經(jīng)有過(guò)，不然你不會(huì)娶她做妻子的。可是，你已經(jīng)有多久沒(méi)有贊賞她的美麗了?多久了?有多久了?

　　有一次，我在紐白倫斯維克的米拉密契河釣魚(yú)，我獨(dú)居在加拿大森林的一個(gè)帳棚里。那里每天只能讀到鎮(zhèn)上出版的一份報(bào)紙?；蛟S是空閑的時(shí)間太多了，我把這份報(bào)刊登的每一個(gè)字，都詳細(xì)的看過(guò)。有一天，我從報(bào)上「狄克斯」婚姻指導(dǎo)一欄里，看到她的文章，寫(xiě)的非常好，我把它剪下保存起來(lái)。她那篇文章上這樣指出，她說(shuō)她已經(jīng)聽(tīng)厭了人們對(duì)新娘所講的那此。?……。她認(rèn)為應(yīng)把新郎拉到一邊，給他這些賢明的建議。

　　她的建議是：「不會(huì)甜言蜜語(yǔ)的別結(jié)婚，結(jié)婚前贊美女人，似乎已是必然的事;可是在結(jié)婚以后給她贊美，那也是一種必需具備的職事，婚姻不只是講誠(chéng)實(shí)還需要有外交的手腕」。

　　如果你想每天過(guò)著快樂(lè)、美滿(mǎn)的生活，千萬(wàn)別指責(zé)你太太治家有不妥的地方，或者拿她和你的母親，作毫無(wú)意義的比較。

　　反過(guò)來(lái)說(shuō)，你應(yīng)該贊美她治家有方。而且還要有這樣的表示，認(rèn)為自己很幸運(yùn)，才得到了一位賢內(nèi)助。如果她把飯菜做壞了，幾乎使你無(wú)法入口，你也別抱怨，不妨作這樣的暗示，今天的飯菜，沒(méi)有過(guò)去那樣可口。你太太有你這樣的暗示，她一定不顧 辛勞，直到使你滿(mǎn)意為止。」

　　不要突然就開(kāi)始這樣做，那會(huì)使你太太起疑心的。

　　不妨今晚，或是明天晚上，替她買(mǎi)一束鮮花，或是一盒糖果--不要只是嘴上這樣說(shuō)：「是的，我應(yīng)該這樣做的?！惯€需要你實(shí)際的去做--給她一個(gè)溫柔的微笑，加上幾句甜蜜的話(huà)。如果做丈夫的，跟做太太的都能這樣做，我不相信每六對(duì)的夫婦中，有一對(duì)會(huì)要鬧離婚。

　　你想知道，如何使一個(gè)女人愛(ài)上你?是的，這里就有一個(gè)秘訣，一定有效。這不是我想出來(lái)的，這是我從狄克斯女士那里借來(lái)的。

　　有一次，這位狄克斯女士，去訪問(wèn)一位已成為新聞人物的「重婚者」。這人曾經(jīng)獲得二十三個(gè)女人的芳心，和她們銀行里的存款(這里需附帶說(shuō)明的是，狄克斯女士是在監(jiān)獄訪問(wèn)他的。)當(dāng)?shù)铱怂古繂?wèn)，他獲得女人愛(ài)情的方法--他說(shuō)并沒(méi)有什么詭計(jì)，你只要對(duì)女人談?wù)撍约壕托辛恕?/p>

　　這技術(shù)用在男人身上;同樣有效。英國(guó)一位最聰明的首相狄瑞理說(shuō)：「對(duì)一個(gè)男人談?wù)撍约旱氖?，他?huì)靜靜的聽(tīng)數(shù)小時(shí)之久?！?/p>

　　所以，你要使別人喜歡你，第六項(xiàng)規(guī)則是：

　　使別人感覺(jué)到他的重要--必需真誠(chéng)的這樣做