經(jīng)濟(jì)發(fā)展是否帶來(lái)環(huán)境污染英語(yǔ)話題作文批改

　　編者按：經(jīng)濟(jì)快速發(fā)展的社會(huì)會(huì)帶來(lái)環(huán)境問(wèn)題嗎?這是許多人的疑問(wèn)，現(xiàn)在它已經(jīng)成為一個(gè)公眾都關(guān)注的問(wèn)題了。

　　In modern society, pretty public agree that the most significant element about pollution and damage of environment is the developing technology and increasing living standards, and they believe that this phenomenon is avoidless. Personally, I disagree with this point.

　　Firstly, with the improvement inpersonal wealth, cars’ fumes are an important type of pollution, and pose a threat to public’s health, while the government is capable of implementing a kind of measures to reduce this type of contaminant. Government enable to make some interest advertisements on the street. These commercials related to the consequences of traffic fumes encourage people to reduce dependence on cars, and usepublic transport to and from work. In addition, factories are able to manufacture more electric cars instead of petrol-powered cars due to that electric cars are more energy-efficient and make less pollution. Furthermore, thestate can provide electric car buyers with subsides. This enables to encourage more public to buy electric cars.

　　Secondly, people adapt a throw-away culture in recent decades, attributed by that public becomes richer and they prefer to buy other goods rather than reuse them. For this reason the government also enables to introduce strict laws to protect the environment from pollution. Environmental education programmers should be added to compulsory subjects in primary school and even in university, as it is beneficial for the government to maximize the profit that enhance the environment awareness in next generation. The next generation are conscious of the importance of reusing goods. This means that the old goods do not break down easily, and they will be transform to industrial waste and produce increasing amount of waste.

　　In conclusion, pollution is a serious problem in this world, while we are capable of setting up different policies to avoid and reduce harmfulness of pollution.

　　評(píng)價(jià)：

　　1. 這篇文章的主題是讓你闡述自己的觀點(diǎn)：經(jīng)濟(jì)發(fā)展和環(huán)境污染有沒(méi)有關(guān)系?并不是環(huán)境污染來(lái)源于哪些方面。你的主體段1寫(xiě)的是汽車尾氣是污染的主要來(lái)源，并且說(shuō)了政府應(yīng)該這么做。主體段2寫(xiě)的是應(yīng)該廢物利用，政府應(yīng)該怎么做。仔細(xì)看看，你有哪一段寫(xiě)到了經(jīng)濟(jì)發(fā)展國(guó)民變富了?你只是寫(xiě)到了環(huán)境污染的兩個(gè)來(lái)源：尾氣和亂丟東西。和country developing and becoming richer有關(guān)系嗎?所以你這屬于嚴(yán)重跑題。雅思作文的評(píng)分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)第一條task response你都沒(méi)有達(dá)到，所以5-是肯定的了。但你這篇文章還有可挽救的余地因?yàn)槲矚夂蛠y丟old goods的原因都是人們變得有錢了所產(chǎn)生的問(wèn)題，私家車多了，尾氣才多，有錢了懶得用老東西了。這些你都可以寫(xiě)得和country developing扯上邊，但是你沒(méi)寫(xiě)。

　　2. 將can換成enable to 和 capable of 等的確是學(xué)術(shù)一點(diǎn)，但是在表達(dá)建議時(shí)候用should 和need。

　　3. Rather than 后面加不應(yīng)該做的事情，比如你應(yīng)該愛(ài)護(hù)她rather than拋棄她，你文中rather than后面是reuse them，是不是不通?

　　4. 汽車尾氣是automobile exhaust.

　　5. Furthermore一般在大觀點(diǎn)的時(shí)候才用，你用在了主體段的第二個(gè)小觀點(diǎn)上，不太好，可以用moreover /also /additionally/in addition等代替。

　　6. 再次強(qiáng)調(diào)conclusion是總結(jié)自己的觀點(diǎn)，你就寫(xiě)了一句話，pollution is a serious problem in this world， 這就叫廢話，所以應(yīng)該帶上你自己的兩個(gè)觀點(diǎn)，尾氣和亂丟。最后再寫(xiě)政府應(yīng)該怎么樣,詳見(jiàn)范文。

　　作者| Lynn

　　公眾號(hào)： 雅思寫(xiě)作王

　　本文為原創(chuàng)文章，版權(quán)歸作者所有，未經(jīng)授權(quán)不得轉(zhuǎn)載!