英語(yǔ)幽默小故事短篇閱讀
有時(shí)候閱讀一些幽默搞笑的英語(yǔ)故事，除了能讓人產(chǎn)生興趣更能提高英語(yǔ)閱讀水平，今天學(xué)習(xí)啦小編在這里為大家分享一些英語(yǔ)幽默小故事，希望大家會(huì)喜歡這些英語(yǔ)故事!
英語(yǔ)幽默小故事：誰(shuí)是世界上第一個(gè)男人
A teacher said to her class:”Who was the first man?”“George Washington,”a little boy shouted promptly.
“How do you make out that George Washington was the first man?”asked the teacher，smiling indulgently.“Because,” said the little boy, “he was first in war, first in peace, and first in the hearts of his countrymen.”But at this point a larger boy held up his hand.“Well,”said the teacher to him, “who do you think was the first man?”
“I don’t know what his name was,”said the larger boy, “but I know it wasn’t George Washington, ma’am, because the history book says George Washington married a widow, so, of course, there must have been a man ahead of him.”
一個(gè)老師問(wèn)她的學(xué)生：“誰(shuí)是世界上第一個(gè)男人”一個(gè)小男孩立刻大聲說(shuō)：“喬治.華盛頓。”老師帶著寵溺的笑容問(wèn)這個(gè)男生：“你如何證明喬治華盛頓是世界上第一個(gè)男人呢。”這個(gè)男孩子說(shuō)：“因?yàn)?，他是第一個(gè)挑起戰(zhàn)爭(zhēng)，第一個(gè)主張和平，并且是第一個(gè)深得民心的人。”這時(shí)，有一個(gè)年齡稍大的男孩子舉起手來(lái)，老師問(wèn)他，“你認(rèn)為誰(shuí)是世界第一個(gè)男人?”男孩回答說(shuō)：“我不知道他的名字，但是我肯定他不是喬治華盛頓，因?yàn)闅v史書(shū)上說(shuō)，喬治華盛頓和一個(gè)寡婦結(jié)婚了，所以在他之前，當(dāng)然還有一個(gè)男的啦。”
英語(yǔ)幽默小故事：沒(méi)想到那么貴
A shoplifter 51kxh.cn |was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from a jewelry store. "Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch, and we forget about this?" The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend."
一個(gè)小偷在一家珠寶店企圖偷走一只手表的時(shí)候被當(dāng)場(chǎng)擒獲。“聽(tīng)著，”小偷說(shuō)，“我知道你們也不想惹麻煩。我把這只表買下，然后我們就當(dāng)什么也沒(méi)發(fā)生，你看怎樣?”經(jīng)理表示同意，然后列了一張售貨單。小偷看著單子說(shuō)道：“這比我最初的預(yù)算稍稍高了一點(diǎn)，你們還有沒(méi)有便宜一點(diǎn)兒東西。”
英語(yǔ)幽默小故事：為什么不呼救
Policeman: Why didn't you shout for help when you were robbed of your watch? Man: If I had opened my mouth, they'd have found my four gold teeth. That would be much worse.
警察：有人搶你的手表時(shí)，你為什么不呼救呢?男子：要是我張口的話，他們就會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)我的四顆金牙，那就更糟了。
英語(yǔ)幽默小故事：他們都在這里
The warden of the prison felt sorry for one of his inmates because every weekend on Visitor’s Day, most of the prisoners had family members and friends coming, but poor George always sat alone in his cell. So one Visitor’s Day, the warden called George to his office and said, "I notice you’ve never had any visitors, George." Sympathetic, he put his hand on George’s shoulder. "Tell me, don’t you have any friends or family?" George replied, "Oh, sure I do, Warden. It’s just that they’re all in here!"
典獄長(zhǎng)對(duì)獄中一位囚犯深感同情，因?yàn)槊糠曛苣┑奶皆L日，大多數(shù)囚犯都有家人或朋友來(lái)訪，但是可憐的喬治總是孤伶伶地坐在自己的囚室中。因此在一個(gè)探訪日，典獄長(zhǎng)把喬治叫到辦公室說(shuō)：“喬治，我注意到從來(lái)沒(méi)有人來(lái)探望過(guò)你。”他滿懷同情地把手放在喬治的肩膀上：“告訴我，你沒(méi)有任何朋友或家人嗎?”喬治回答：“喔!當(dāng)然有，典獄長(zhǎng)，只不過(guò)他們?nèi)荚谶@里面!”
英語(yǔ)幽默小故事：狗娘養(yǎng)的
my father, who was 14 years old than my mother, had been working on his will. at a family dinner he told us that he had provided well for mother, but the family home would go to us five children if she remarried.我爸比我媽大14歲，最近一直在寫(xiě)遺囑。一次家宴上，他告訴我們說(shuō)他為母親以后的生活作好了安排，但如果她改嫁的話，家里的房子將歸我們五個(gè)孩子所有。"i don't want another s.o.b. toasting his shins around my fireplace," he explained.“我可不愿意另外哪個(gè)狗娘養(yǎng)的在我的火爐旁烤他的狗腿，”他解釋道。with a sly grin, mother
cracked, "what makes you think i'd marry another s.o.b?"媽媽狡猾地咧了咧嘴，譏誚道：“你怎么認(rèn)為我會(huì)再嫁給一個(gè)狗娘養(yǎng)的?”
英語(yǔ)幽默小故事：瞎子的判斷
Once there was a blind. One day when he was walking, he
stepped the head of the dog who was sleeping. The dog barked for a while. The blind man went on for miles, this time he stepped the other dog's tail, so this dog barked. The blind man had thought that it was the first dog, so he said in surprise, It's a wonder that the dog is so long.
從前有個(gè)瞎子。一天，他正在行路時(shí)踩著了一只正在睡覺(jué)的狗的腦袋，狗汪汪汪地叫了一陣。這人又往前走，這回踩著的是另外一只狗的尾巴，狗又汪汪汪地叫起來(lái)。瞎子以為還是那條狗，驚詫地說(shuō)：奇怪，這只狗可真夠長(zhǎng)的。
英語(yǔ)幽默小故事：always thirsty 總感到口渴
"i had an operation," said a man to his friend, "and the doctor left a sponge in me."一個(gè)男人對(duì)他的朋友說(shuō)：“我動(dòng)了一次手術(shù)，手術(shù)后醫(yī)生把一塊海綿忘在我的身體里了。”
"that's terrible!" said the friend. "got any pain?"
“真是太糟糕了!”朋友說(shuō)道：“你覺(jué)得疼嗎?”
"no, but i am always thirsty!"
“不疼，可是我總感到口渴!”
英語(yǔ)幽默小故事：魔鬼的妹夫
A woman whose husband often came home drunk decided to cure him of the habit. One Halloween night, she put on a devil suit and hid behind a tree to intercept him on the way home.
一位婦人發(fā)現(xiàn)丈夫回家的時(shí)候總是爛醉如泥，她決定為丈夫治好這個(gè)毛病。一個(gè)萬(wàn)圣節(jié)夜里，她穿上一套魔鬼戲服，躲在樹(shù)后，準(zhǔn)備在丈夫返家時(shí)攔截他的去路。
When her husband came by, she jumped out and stood before him with her red horns, long tail, and pitchfork.
當(dāng)丈夫走近時(shí)，她從樹(shù)后跳出來(lái)，站到他面前，頭上帶著紅色的羊角、身后有長(zhǎng)長(zhǎng)的尾巴，手中握著鋼叉。
"Who are you?" he asked.
“你是誰(shuí)?”丈夫問(wèn)到。
"I'm the Devil!" she responded.
“我是魔鬼!”她回答到。
"Well, come on home with me," he said, "I married your sister!"
“噢，那你跟我一起回家吧，”丈夫說(shuō)，“我娶了你的姐妹!”
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