Nina bonded quickly with Gemma, and was loving with our kids. She barked at everyone who came to the house, and chewed everything in sight. She gave kisses and was easy to train, listening attentively. She was our “googly, mixed-up puppy.” As fans of the dog trainer Cesar Millan, the “Dog Whisperer,” we believed in giving her a loving but disciplined environment.

　　妮娜很快和杰瑪熟悉起來(lái)，對(duì)我們的孩子也很溫順。但它也會(huì)沖著每一個(gè)走進(jìn)家門(mén)的人狂吠，而且看見(jiàn)什么都咬。它親吻我們，很容易接受訓(xùn)練，很認(rèn)真地聽(tīng)我們講話。它是我們“大眼睛糊涂狗”。作為狗狗訓(xùn)練者、“狗語(yǔ)者”西澤·米蘭(Cesar Millan)的粉絲，我們認(rèn)為應(yīng)該給予她一個(gè)充滿關(guān)愛(ài)但紀(jì)律嚴(yán)明的環(huán)境。

　　Then, one night while I was cooking with a friend and my daughter, Nina suddenly — with a flash of teeth and a high-pitched screech — jumped up and snapped at Addie as she leaped up, terrified. I quickly blocked Nina from attacking Addie, and Nina bit me, pinching the skin on my hand into a red streak, without drawing blood. My friend and I were shaken, my daughter in tears. I put Nina in abedroom, and shut the door. I cradled Addie, relieved she was fine.

　　隨后，一天晚上，當(dāng)我和一個(gè)朋友還有女兒一起做飯時(shí)，妮娜突然跳了起來(lái)，露出牙齒，高聲尖叫，對(duì)著阿迪猛咬了一口，阿迪此時(shí)也驚慌失措地跳了起來(lái)。我迅速擋住妮娜，不讓它繼續(xù)攻擊阿迪，結(jié)果妮娜咬了我，在我手上弄出了一道紅檁子，沒(méi)有出血。朋友和我都受到了驚嚇，我女兒哭了。我把妮娜放進(jìn)一間臥室，關(guān)上了門(mén)。我抱著阿迪，看到她沒(méi)事之后松了一口氣。

　　Next, I did something I never thought I would do. I called the woman who ran the rescue group and told her, “I don’t think Nina is the right dog for us. We have two children, and their friends visit. We love our cats.”

　　接下來(lái)，我做了一件從沒(méi)想過(guò)自己會(huì)做的事。我打電話給經(jīng)營(yíng)救援組織的那個(gè)女士，告訴她，“我不認(rèn)為妮娜適合我們。我們有兩個(gè)孩子，他們的朋友會(huì)來(lái)家里。我愛(ài)我們的貓咪們。”

　　It didn’t make any sense, the rescue woman said. Nina had lived with cats with her last foster family here, and with another foster family down south. She loved cats and kids. The woman agreed to send a trainer, and pay for it, to get to the bottom of Nina’s strange behavior.

　　這說(shuō)不通，救援組織的這位女士說(shuō)。妮娜在上一個(gè)寄養(yǎng)家庭以及南邊的另一個(gè)寄養(yǎng)家庭都跟貓生活過(guò)。它喜歡貓和小孩。她同意出錢(qián)請(qǐng)一名培訓(xùn)師，研究妮娜的奇怪舉動(dòng)。

　　The trainer had seen “these dogs” before, she said — dogs trucked up the East Coast, traumatized by the journey and moved from shelter to shelter. We were told to throw Cesar Millan’s advice out the window: no “calm-assertive” discipline allowed. We had, she said, inadvertently brought out Nina’s aggressiveness. From now on, it would be gentle time-outs, and treats when anyone came to the door.

　　這名培訓(xùn)師說(shuō)，她見(jiàn)到過(guò)“這種狗”，它們被用卡車送到東海岸，在長(zhǎng)途跋涉中遭受了心理創(chuàng)傷，從一個(gè)地方轉(zhuǎn)移到另一個(gè)地方。她讓我們把西澤·米蘭的建議拋到一邊：不能采用“冷靜自信式”的訓(xùn)練。她說(shuō)，我們渾然不覺(jué)地激發(fā)出了妮娜的進(jìn)攻性。從現(xiàn)在開(kāi)始，當(dāng)有人來(lái)到家門(mén)口時(shí)，我們會(huì)溫柔對(duì)待它，還給它好吃的。

　　Even as we followed these instructions, we questioned them. We cringed when we saw pet parents and human parents alike coddling their little monsters despite their bad behavior. Then again, who were we to argue with experts? After decades of cats, we’d only ever had two dogs, both gentle and well behaved. Perhaps we’d just never had a “real” dog before, one who chewed everything in sight, right in front of you, as you said “No!” Maybe most dogs needed constant discipline, and couldn’t be left alone for two seconds.

　　我們遵循這些指示的同時(shí)，對(duì)這些方法也有所懷疑。當(dāng)我們看到，無(wú)論寵物或小孩做了什么壞事，主人和父母都溺愛(ài)著這些小怪物時(shí)，我們真的無(wú)法接受。但轉(zhuǎn)念一想，我們有什么資格質(zhì)疑專家?在養(yǎng)了幾十年的貓之后，我們只養(yǎng)過(guò)兩條狗，都很溫順聽(tīng)話。也許，我們只是從未養(yǎng)過(guò)一只“真正”的狗，而真正的狗會(huì)在你沖著它喊“不行!”的時(shí)候，仍然見(jiàn)什么咬什么?；蛟S，多數(shù)的狗狗都需要不斷地訓(xùn)練，哪怕讓它們獨(dú)處兩秒也不行。

　　Maybe if we were better dog parents, the trainer implied, Nina would be a wonderful and consistent family dog. As for her lunging at Addie, the trainer said there was probably a food issue between them that I was unaware of, and feeding Nina separately would solve it.

　　培訓(xùn)師暗示說(shuō)，或許如果我們是更好的主人，妮娜會(huì)成為一只很棒的、行為穩(wěn)定的家犬。至于它為何撲向阿迪，培訓(xùn)師說(shuō)，可能是因?yàn)樗鼈冊(cè)谑澄锷习l(fā)生了我不知道的矛盾，單獨(dú)喂食妮娜就能解決這個(gè)問(wèn)題。

　　In the months that followed Nina made strides; she was affectionate and playful. But at times, out of nowhere it seemed, she would snap at me or Alex and, once, at our son. She would suddenly cower and growl. It was like a switch flipped, yet we couldn’t figure out what had done it.

　　在接下來(lái)幾個(gè)月里，妮娜進(jìn)步很大。它溫柔可親，而且很活潑。但有時(shí)，它似乎會(huì)毫無(wú)緣由地突然咬我或亞歷克斯，有一次還要咬我兒子。它會(huì)突然蜷縮起來(lái)咆哮。像是有人按了一個(gè)開(kāi)關(guān)，但我們沒(méi)想到究竟是何原因。

　　One day, Addie ran away. We looked everywhere for her, and after three weeks, she appeared in the meadow behind our house. I put food out and called to her, and she’d call back to me in her sad, yodeling cry, then run back into the thicket. It was February, and she was cold and hungry, but she refused to come home. Finally, as if relenting reluctantly, she came inside. But why had she even left?

　　一天，阿迪跑走了。我們到處都找了，但卻沒(méi)找到。三周后，它出現(xiàn)在了我們屋后的草地上。我拿出食物，喚它過(guò)來(lái)。它用它那約德?tīng)柍皇降钠鄳K叫聲回應(yīng)我，然后又跑回樹(shù)叢中去了。當(dāng)時(shí)是2月，它又冷又餓，卻不愿回家。最后，它似乎勉強(qiáng)著自己進(jìn)了屋。但它之前為什么要離開(kāi)家?

　　Three months later, I took the kids to New York City to visit friends. That night, I couldn’t reach Alex on the phone and felt something was wrong.

　　三個(gè)月后，我?guī)е⒆尤ゼ~約市看望朋友。那天晚上，因?yàn)闆](méi)能通過(guò)電話聯(lián)系到亞歷克斯，我感覺(jué)出事了。

　　It was. Alex had come home from work to find Addie dangling from Nina’s mouth, dead.

　　事實(shí)的確如此。亞歷克斯下班回家后發(fā)現(xiàn)阿迪被妮娜叼在嘴里，已經(jīng)死了。

　　Alex described the awful scene to me when he finally called back that night: Nina laid the cat down and looked at him as if to say, “Look what I did.” Gemma sat trembling, up on a chair, the other cats alive but hiding. The kitchen and living room were like a crime scene, the whole house imbued with violence and death.

　　那天夜里，當(dāng)亞歷克斯終于回我電話時(shí)，他向我描述了那可怕的一幕：妮娜把貓放下后看著他，似乎在說(shuō)，“看看我做了什么。”杰瑪臥在一張椅子上，不停地哆嗦。其他貓還活著，但都藏了起來(lái)。廚房和起居室像犯罪現(xiàn)場(chǎng)一樣，整棟房子都充滿了暴力和死亡的氣息。

　　A friend agreed to take Nina temporarily, and Alex arrived in the city, where we told the children that our beloved cat was dead, and that they would never see their puppy again. Grateful to be surrounded by friends, we tried to focus on the visit. But we knew we had to go home to an emptier house, having lost two once-loved family members, a scene of gruesome devastation.

　　一個(gè)朋友同意暫時(shí)帶走妮娜后，亞歷克斯也來(lái)到了紐約市。在那里，我們告訴孩子們，心愛(ài)的貓咪死了，并且他們?cè)僖惨?jiàn)不到小狗了。幸虧周圍有朋友陪伴，我們努力把精力集中在拜訪朋友這件事上。但我們知道，我們不得不回家，面對(duì)一棟比以前更空曠的房子。因?yàn)槭チ嗽?jīng)喜愛(ài)的兩個(gè)家庭成員，那里滿目瘡痍，有些陰森。

　　The hole left by Addie’s death was palpable. On my phone’s home screen, her face peered out at me, her light green eyes wide and questioning. Photos of Nina, too — her soulful expression and floppy ears — were on every device we used.

　　阿迪的死給我們的生活留下了一個(gè)很大的空洞。在我的手機(jī)主屏幕上，它還湊著小臉凝視著我，它綠色明亮的大眼睛里充滿了好奇。妮娜的照片——她熱忱的表情和耷拉的耳朵——也都呈現(xiàn)在我們的每一部設(shè)備上。

　　As each blanket Nina had damaged was pulled from the shelf, my heart jolted with grief. The corner of my pillow had a jagged hole, feathers leaking from it as though it were a mangled bird. At dinner, a napkin unfolded held the very image of Nina’s jaws, a reminder of our missing dog and — in the same instant — of our sweet cat, Nina’s teeth around her throat.

　　當(dāng)把妮娜弄壞了的所有毯子從架子上撤下來(lái)時(shí)，我的心里充滿了悲傷。我枕頭的一個(gè)角上被弄出了個(gè)鋸齒狀的洞，羽絨從里面往外鉆，就像一只狼狽不堪的鳥(niǎo)。晚飯時(shí)，一張攤開(kāi)的餐巾上留下了妮娜的牙印，提醒著我們，我們的狗狗走了，同時(shí)也失去了我們可愛(ài)的貓咪，而妮娜曾咬住它的喉嚨。

　　I felt enraged at the rescue woman, foster mother and trainer. Two family members had been taken from us in one horrifying act, one that would never have happened had we not kept Nina. But we had kept her. We took pity on her, and let ourselves believe that beneath her quirky, strange behavior resided a good dog. A friend who fosters animals for a local shelter, who has dogs and cats of her own, said to me, “Some dogs are just too damaged, or not right to begin with, and they’re just not adoptable.”

　　我對(duì)救援機(jī)構(gòu)的那個(gè)女士、寄養(yǎng)媽媽和培訓(xùn)師都感到怒不可遏。我們?cè)谝粓?chǎng)可怕的事件中失去了兩個(gè)家庭成員，而如果我們沒(méi)有收養(yǎng)妮娜，這件事就不可能發(fā)生。但是我們那時(shí)終究收養(yǎng)了它。我們可憐它，并說(shuō)服自己，盡管它的行為古怪乖戾，本質(zhì)還是一條好狗。我的一個(gè)朋友家里寄養(yǎng)了當(dāng)?shù)匾患沂杖菟膭?dòng)物，她自己也養(yǎng)了狗和貓。她對(duì)我說(shuō)，“有些狗狗創(chuàng)傷太深，或者從一開(kāi)始就不適合做寵物，它們不適合被收養(yǎng)。”

　　What she said helps, and I believe she’s right. On the outside, I appear detached, not wanting to discuss Nina, or what will happen to her (she is with another foster family, with little chance for adoption). But I have to admit that I feel terrible guilt and sadness about her.

　　她的話對(duì)我有所幫助，我相信她是對(duì)的。表面上看，我似乎很淡然，不想談?wù)撃菽?，也不想知道它未?lái)會(huì)怎樣(它現(xiàn)在住在另一個(gè)寄養(yǎng)家庭，基本上沒(méi)有被領(lǐng)養(yǎng)的機(jī)會(huì))。但我必須承認(rèn)，我有很深的負(fù)罪感，我為它感到極其難過(guò)。