超精辟英語冷笑話閱讀
超精辟英語冷笑話閱讀
笑話作為一種城市化的民間口頭創(chuàng)作體裁,是一種重要的交際手段。下面是學(xué)習(xí)啦小編帶來的超精辟英語冷笑話，歡迎閱讀!
超精辟英語冷笑話精選
9歲熊孩子逃票登機(jī) 前科重重轟動(dòng)美國
A 9-year-old Minneapolis boy was able to get through security and onto a plane at theMinneapolis-St. Paul International Airport without a ticket, an airport spokesman said Sunday.
機(jī)場(chǎng)發(fā)言人在上周日10月6號(hào)稱，一名未持機(jī)票的9歲男孩在明尼阿波利斯市的保羅國際機(jī)場(chǎng)逃過安檢登上了飛機(jī)。
Security officials screened the boy at airport shortly after 10:30 a.m. Thursday, MetropolitanAirports Commission spokesman Patrick Hogan said. The boy then boarded Delta Flight 1651,which left for Las Vegas at 11:15 a.m.
大都會(huì)機(jī)場(chǎng)委員會(huì)發(fā)言人帕特里克·霍根稱，安檢官員在周四上午10點(diǎn)半左右就通過監(jiān)控錄像發(fā)現(xiàn)了男孩，接著這名男孩登上了11點(diǎn)15分開往拉斯維加斯的三角洲1651航班。
The flight was not full, Hogan said, and the flight crew became suspicious mid-flight becausethe boy was not on their list of unattended minors. The crew contacted Las Vegas police, whomet them upon landing and transferred the boy to child protection services, Hogan said.
霍根說，當(dāng)時(shí)機(jī)上還有空位，機(jī)組人員很快就對(duì)這個(gè)不在無人看管未成年人的名單上的男孩產(chǎn)生了懷疑。機(jī)組人員聯(lián)系了拉斯維加斯警方，后者在飛機(jī)著陸后就將男孩送到局里看管起來了。
Minneapolis Police went to his residence. Parents told officers they “hadn’t seen much of himtoday.”
明尼阿波利斯市警方去男孩家調(diào)查。父母對(duì)警方稱他們“今天沒怎么看到孩子。”
“The child was screened along with all other passengers to ensure that he was not a threat tothe aircraft,” said the TSA spokesperson.
一名運(yùn)輸安全管理局的發(fā)言人稱，“我們給這個(gè)孩子以及其他乘客都進(jìn)行了身份掃描，以確保他不會(huì)對(duì)飛機(jī)構(gòu)成威脅。”
They added that video of the boy at the checkpoint has been reviewed, and they are“investigating whether we should reconfigure barriers to prevent another incident like thisone.”
該局發(fā)言人同時(shí)稱，他們已經(jīng)反復(fù)查看過了男孩通過驗(yàn)票口時(shí)候的機(jī)場(chǎng)錄像，并且該局“正在研究是否應(yīng)該應(yīng)該重新設(shè)置檢票口的隔欄，以防止出現(xiàn)類似事故。”
Video also shows the boy at the airport Wednesday, Hogan said. He grabbed a bag from thecarousel and ordered lunch at a restaurant outside of the security checkpoints, Hogan said. Heate and then told the server he had to use the bathroom, left the bag and never returned topay.
霍根稱，機(jī)場(chǎng)攝像頭還拍攝到了男孩于周四現(xiàn)身機(jī)場(chǎng)的錄像，當(dāng)時(shí)他從行李旋轉(zhuǎn)帶上取走了一個(gè)拎包，還在檢票口外面的餐廳里點(diǎn)了一份午餐。
The owner of the bag was identified, and the bag was returned to him, Hogan said. Nothingwas stolen.
霍根稱，被孩子拿走的拎包已經(jīng)找到了失主并原物奉還，失主并沒有丟東西。
The boy became "violent" and was hospitalized in Las Vegas, where hospital staff reported hewas "uncontrollable" at first but eventually calmed down, it said.
男孩被發(fā)現(xiàn)后反應(yīng)相當(dāng)“劇烈”，人們將他送到了拉斯維加斯的醫(yī)院。醫(yī)護(hù)人員反應(yīng)男孩入院時(shí)“難以控制”，但后來最終冷靜下來了。
A hearing in Las Vegas about the boy's case was scheduled for Tuesday.
拉斯維加斯在本周二舉行了關(guān)于男孩的聽證會(huì)。
The boy has been suspended several times at school, most recently since Sept. 21 for fighting,the father said. “He’s not an honor student; he has his ups, he has his downs,” he said, addinghe met with the principal and “we put in a plan,” but the son’s misbehavior continued.
據(jù)男孩的父親說，這個(gè)9歲的孩子曾經(jīng)多次被學(xué)校停學(xué)，最近的一次是在9月21日因?yàn)榇蚣鼙粚W(xué)習(xí)停學(xué)。“他并不是一個(gè)三好學(xué)生;他有自己的優(yōu)點(diǎn)，也有自己的缺點(diǎn)。”
the boy is known to county staff as a “challenging” child. Since December 2012, the countyhas four times assessed the boy’s family for protective services.
社區(qū)官員稱這個(gè)孩子一直是一個(gè)“具有挑戰(zhàn)性”的孩子。自2012年12月以來，社區(qū)已經(jīng)有四次就兒童保護(hù)性問題走訪過這家人。
The boy also has a history of riding light-rail trains to a Bloomington water park, where he“waits until a large family is entering and joins them”. Of county interactions with the child, itsaid, “Typically, staff can tell if a child is lying, but with this child, they are unsure what is goingon.”
這個(gè)男孩還曾經(jīng)乘坐輕軌列車到布盧明頓的水上公園去玩過，他在車站“等著一大家子人檢票如站，然后和他們站在一起。”據(jù)社區(qū)官員說，他們?cè)谂c男孩交流的時(shí)候，“官員們能明顯的感覺到這孩子在說謊，但是他畢竟還是個(gè)孩子，他們無從得知他到底干了些什么。”
Now, after the boy’s most dramatic wayward act, his father desperately pleaded for help forthe son he hasn’t been able to speak to since last week.
在男孩戲劇性的出格事件之后，他的父親已經(jīng)一周未能和男孩通話了?，F(xiàn)在他正迫切的呼吁社會(huì)幫助。
“He’s a 9-year-old child,” he said. “I don’t want to see my son hurt.”The father said the planeepisode has been “a heartache” for the family. “We didn’t know he’d got on a plane until myfiancée called the police … it came back that he was in Las Vegas,” he said.
男孩的父親說，“他只是個(gè)九歲的孩子。我不想看到自己的孩子受傷。” 據(jù)他稱，機(jī)場(chǎng)時(shí)間已經(jīng)成了全家人的“心頭大患”。“我們根本不知道他去了機(jī)場(chǎng)。后來我的未婚妻報(bào)了警，才知道他在拉斯維加斯。”
超精辟英語冷笑話閱讀
蠢醫(yī)生,我是孩子的小姨!I am the baby's aunt!
Holding a baby in her arms, a woman visited a gynecologist. "Is the baby breast fed or is he on bottle?" asked the doctor.
一位婦人抱著BABY到一間婦產(chǎn)科。醫(yī)生問婦人說：BABY是吃母乳還是牛奶啊?
"Breast fed, of course!" replied the woman.
婦人：吃母乳!
"Take off your clothes, please." the doctor ordered.
醫(yī)生：那請(qǐng)你把衣服脫下來。
"What? ...But why?"
婦人：啊?為什么?
"Don't worry. you're in a gynecology clinic and I'll just do a routine medical check for you."
醫(yī)生：請(qǐng)你不用緊張，這里是婦產(chǎn)科，絕不會(huì)對(duì)你有任何侵犯的。
The woman reluctantly took off her clothes.
婦人半信半疑的脫去了上衣。
The doctor carefully examined the woman's breasts, groping his fingers around and pressing repeatedly. When finished, the doctor said to the woman:"No wonder the baby is malnourished. You have no milk at all!"
醫(yī)生用他的手在婦人的胸部上摸摸，下摸摸，左搓搓，右揉揉。對(duì)這婦人說：難怪BABY會(huì)營養(yǎng)不良，你根本就沒有母乳嘛!
The woman replied angrily:"Nonsense! Of course not. I am the baby's aunt!"
婦人：廢話!我當(dāng)然沒有母乳，我是BABY的小姨!
超精辟英語冷笑話學(xué)習(xí)
家有仙妻的可憐丈夫 The poor husband
"You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to hisfriend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me forhalf an hour why my answer is wrong.
“你根本無法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的難，”一個(gè)男人對(duì)他的朋友訴苦說，“她問我一個(gè)問題，然后自己回答了，過后又花半個(gè)小時(shí)跟我解釋為什么我的答案是錯(cuò)的。”