初二爆笑英語(yǔ)笑話摘抄

　　笑話和幽默的感染力,很大程度上依賴于修辭格的運(yùn)用。下面小編整理了初二英語(yǔ)笑話，希望大家喜歡!

　　初二英語(yǔ)笑話摘抄

　　紀(jì)律(中英)

　　US and Russia arranged a competition to determine whose nation had the bravest troops. The two leaders arrived, at the designated hour, on a plateau in Finland high above the water. Each was accompanied by a battalion of crack troops, smartly uniformed. The leaders shook hands.

　　美國(guó)軍隊(duì)和俄羅斯軍隊(duì)舉行了一次比武，看看誰(shuí)軍隊(duì)的士兵最勇敢。兩國(guó)的首腦在約定的時(shí)間來(lái)到了芬蘭臨海的一個(gè)高地上。他們分別帶來(lái)自己最優(yōu)秀的軍隊(duì)，穿著漂亮的軍裝。兩國(guó)領(lǐng)導(dǎo)人握手后美國(guó)先開始。

　　US went first. The leader addressed his battalion of Marines:

　　美國(guó)領(lǐng)導(dǎo)人向海軍陸戰(zhàn)隊(duì)說(shuō):

　　"Private Jones! Front and center.”

　　“大兵瓊斯，出列。”

　　Private Jones saluted and briskly marched to the front of the ranks, facing his commander.

　　瓊斯走到前面向指揮官干凈利落地敬了個(gè)禮。

　　"Private Jones! March to the edge of the cliff.”

　　“大兵瓊斯，走到懸崖邊上去。”

　　Private Jones saluted and briskly marched to the very edge of the cliff.

　　瓊斯敬了個(gè)禮后走到了懸崖的邊上。

　　"Private Jones! Jump!”

　　“大兵瓊斯，跳!”

　　Jones just stood there, unmoving.

　　瓊斯站在那里一動(dòng)沒動(dòng)。

　　"Private Jones! I said jump!”

　　“大兵瓊斯，我說(shuō)跳。”

　　The man’s knees started to shake, but he was otherwise motionless.

　　他站在那里開始發(fā)抖，但還是沒有動(dòng)。

　　"Private Jones! This is your Commander一in一Chief. I ORDER YOU TO JUMP!!!”

　　“大兵瓊斯，我作為最高指揮官現(xiàn)在命令你跳下去。”

　　Private Jones wailed out: "I can’t! I have a wife-and a family!”

　　瓊斯悲痛的說(shuō):“我不能跳，我還有妻子和家庭。”

　　Jones was sent away for court martial. The US leader backed off in disgrace. It was now Russian's turn.

　　瓊斯因此被帶走去了軍事法庭。美國(guó)領(lǐng)導(dǎo)人很丟人的回去了。下面該輪到俄羅斯了。

　　"Comrade Dmitrivich! Front and center.

　　“德米特雷維奇同志，出列。”

　　Comrade Dmitrivich saluted and briskly marched to the front of the ranks, facing his commander.

　　德米特雷維奇走到前面向指揮官干凈利落地敬了個(gè)禮。

　　"Comrade Dmitrivich! March to the edge of the cliff.”

　　“德米特雷維奇同志，走到懸崖邊上去。”

　　Dmitrivich saluted and briskly marched to the very edge of the cliff.

　　他敬了個(gè)禮后走到了懸崖的邊上。

　　"Comrade Dmitrivich! Jump!”

　　“德米特雷維奇同志，跳!”

　　Dmitrivich jumped off the cliff.

　　他跳下了懸崖。

　　By some miracle, he was snagged on a branch and he landed on a crag some 50 feet below the top of the cliff. Dmitrivich was badly injured, but still alive and conscions. He was carried away on a stretcher. As Dmitrivich was carried passed Private Jones, Jones could not resist asking him: "Dmitrivich! How could you do it? How could you jump?"

　　奇跡發(fā)生了，他被一個(gè)樹枝掛了一下，然后掉在了離懸崖五十英尺的峭壁上。他傷勢(shì)嚴(yán)重但還活著，而且神志清醒。他被擔(dān)架抬了上來(lái)。當(dāng)他的擔(dān)架經(jīng)過大兵瓊斯的時(shí)候，瓊斯忍不住問他:“德米特雷維奇，你怎么能那么做?你怎么能往下跳呢?”

　　Dmitrivich answered: "I had to! I have a wife-and a family!”

　　德米特雷維奇說(shuō):“我不得不跳，因?yàn)槲疫€有妻子和家庭。”

　　初二英語(yǔ)笑話鑒賞

　　關(guān)于降落傘(中英)

　　You are one of two people on a malfunctioning airplane with only one parachute.

　　你是一架失控飛機(jī)上兩名乘客中的一名，現(xiàn)在只有一個(gè)降落傘。

　　Pessimist: you refuse the parachute because you might die in the jump anyway.

　　悲觀主義者:你拒絕使用降落傘，因?yàn)榧词鼓闾氯ヒ矔?huì)死。

　　Optimist: you refuse the parachute because people have survived jumps just like this before.

　　樂觀主義者:你拒絕使用降落傘，因?yàn)樵?jīng)有人不用降落傘跳下去也能活。

　　Procrastinator: you play a game of Monopoly for the parachute.

　　慢性子:你玩一盤強(qiáng)手棋來(lái)決定是否拿降落傘。

　　Lawyer: you charge the airline for one parachute.

　　律師:因?yàn)橹挥幸粋€(gè)降落傘，你要控訴航空公司。

　　Doctor: you need to run more tests，and then take the parachute.

　　醫(yī)生:在你拿降落傘以前你要仔細(xì)的檢查多遍。

　　Sales executive: you sell the parachute at top retail rates and get the names of the other guy’s friends and relatives who might like one too.

　　銷售代表:你以最高的零售價(jià)把降落傘賣給另一個(gè)人，然后要來(lái)他的親戚朋友的名字，問他們是否也想要一個(gè)。

　　Internal Revenue Service: you confiscate the parachute along with the other guy’s luggage and wallet.

　　國(guó)內(nèi)稅收員:你把降落傘連同另一個(gè)人的行李和錢包一起沒收。

　　Advertiser: you sing that what he need is a neon parachute with computer altimeter for only . 99.

　　廣告商:你唱出他們需要的是一個(gè)尼龍降落傘和一個(gè)電腦高度計(jì)，只賣三十九點(diǎn)九九美元。

　　Engineer; you make him another parachute out of aisle curtains and dental floss.

　　工程師:你用走廊的窗簾和牙線為另一個(gè)人再做一個(gè)降落傘。

　　Scientist: you give him the parachute and ask him to send you a report on how well it worked.

　　科學(xué)家:你把降落傘給另一個(gè)人，然后叫他們寄給你一份降落傘怎樣工作的報(bào)告。

　　Mathematician: you refuse to accept the parachute without proof that it will work in all cases.

　　數(shù)學(xué)家:如果不能證明降落傘在任何情況下都能正常使用你拒絕使用降落傘。

　　Philosopher: you ask how he knows the parachute actually exists.

　　哲學(xué)家:你問另一個(gè)人降落傘他怎么知道降落傘確實(shí)存在。

　　English Teacher; you explicate simile and metaphor in the parachute instructions.

　　英語(yǔ)老師:你會(huì)在降落傘的說(shuō)明書里找出哪里是明喻哪里是暗喻。

　　Comparative Literature: you read the parachute instructions in all four languages.

　　比較文學(xué)學(xué)者:你會(huì)通讀降落傘說(shuō)明上的四種語(yǔ)言。

　　Computer Scientist: you design a machine capable of operating a parachute as well as a human being could.

　　電腦專家:你會(huì)設(shè)計(jì)一個(gè)能和人一樣操縱降落傘的機(jī)器。

　　Psychoanalyst: you ask him what the shape of a parachute reminds him of.

　　心理醫(yī)生:你會(huì)問另一個(gè)人降落傘的形狀會(huì)讓他想起什么。

　　Artist: you hang the parachute on the wall and sign it.

　　藝術(shù)家:你會(huì)把降落傘掛在墻上，然后在上面簽上名字。

　　Libertarian: after reminding him of his constitutional right to have a parachute，you take it and jump out.

　　自由論者:你會(huì)提醒另一個(gè)人他擁有憲法賦予的拿降落傘的權(quán)利，然后你拿起來(lái)跳出去。

　　Surgeon General: you issue a warning that skydiving can be hazardous to your health.

　　外科醫(yī)生:你會(huì)提出跳傘運(yùn)動(dòng)有害健康的警告。

　　National Rifle Association: you shoot him and take the parachute.

　　國(guó)家槍械協(xié)會(huì)會(huì)員:你開槍打死另一個(gè)人然后拿走降落傘。

　　Police Bigot: you beat him unconscious with the parachute.

　　頑固的警察:你會(huì)用降落傘打得另一個(gè)人不省人事。

　　Environmentalist: you refuse to use the parachute unless it is biodegradable.

　　環(huán)保主義者:除非能證明降落傘是生物可分解的，否則你拒絕使用降落傘。

　　Sports Fan: you start betting on how long it will take to crash.

　　體育迷:你開始打賭飛機(jī)多長(zhǎng)時(shí)間會(huì)墜毀。

　　初二英語(yǔ)笑話賞析

　　生日玫瑰(中英)

　　A young man was in love with a beautiful girl. One day she said to him: "It is my birthday tomorrow.”

　　一個(gè)年輕的男子愛上了一位美麗的姑娘。一天她對(duì)他說(shuō):“明天就是我的生日了。”

　　"Oh,” said the young man, "I'll send you roses，one rose for each year of your life.”

　　“噢，我要送給你玫瑰，每一朵玫瑰都象征著你生命中所渡過的每一年。”年輕的男子說(shuō)。

　　The same evening he went to a florist's. As he knew that the girl was twenty一two years old , he paid for twenty一two roses and asked the florist to send them to the girl the next day.

　　那天晚上他就去拜訪了種花人。他知道那個(gè)姑娘22歲了，于是他買下了22朵玫瑰并請(qǐng)求種花人第二天把玫瑰給那位姑娘送去。

　　When the young man left the shop, the florist thought: "This young man is a very good customer. I think that my price was too high. I' 11 send ten more roses.”

　　年輕的男子離開了花店，種花人心里想:“這位年青人真是個(gè)心地善良的好人。我給他的價(jià)格太高了。我要多給他一些花。”

　　He did so. The next morning thirty-two roses were sent to the girl.

　　他確實(shí)是那樣做的。二天清晨，種花人把犯朵玫瑰一起送給了那位女孩。

　　When the young man came to see her, she didn't speak to him. And he never knew why she was so angry with him.

　　當(dāng)這位年輕的男子興沖沖地來(lái)看望她的時(shí)候，她對(duì)他置之不理。當(dāng)然，他是永遠(yuǎn)也不會(huì)知道為什么她收到玫瑰反而會(huì)生氣了。