2016最新爆笑冷笑話(huà)精選
笑話(huà)是日常生活中常見(jiàn)的一種幽默。與一般日常會(huì)話(huà)不同,笑話(huà)刻意違反合作原則,由此衍生出會(huì)話(huà)含意,并利用會(huì)話(huà)含意之間的沖突實(shí)現(xiàn)其預(yù)定功能。下面是學(xué)習(xí)啦小編帶來(lái)的2016最新爆笑冷笑話(huà)，歡迎閱讀!
2016最新爆笑冷笑話(huà)篇一
A Nail Or A Fly?
釘子還是蒼蠅?
An old gentleman whose eyesight was failing came to stay in a hotel room with a bottle of wine in each hand. On the wall there was a fly which he took for a nail. So the moment he hung them on, the bottles fell broken and the wine spilt all over the floor.
一位視力正在衰退的老紳士住進(jìn)了一家旅館的客房。他雙手各拿一瓶酒。在墻上有只蒼蠅，他誤以為是枚釘子。他把兩只瓶子朝上一掛，瓶子掉下來(lái)摔碎了，酒灑了一地。
When a waitress discovered what had happened, she showed deep sympathy for him anddecided to do him a favour.
一個(gè)女服務(wù)員發(fā)現(xiàn)發(fā)生的事情以后，對(duì)他深表同情，決定幫他個(gè)忙。
So the next morning when he was out taking a walk in the roof garden, she hammered a nail exactly where the fly had stayed.
于是，第二天早上他到樓頂花園散步時(shí)，她把一枚釘子釘在了蒼蠅停過(guò)的地方。
Now the old man entered his room. The smell of the spilt wine reminded him of the accident. When he looked up at the wall, he found the fly was there again! He walked to it carefully adnslapped it with all his strength.
這里，老人回到了房里。倒灑的酒味讓他想起了那件事。他抬頭往墻上一看，蒼蠅又停在了那兒!他輕手輕腳地走近，使盡全力拍了一掌。
On hearing a loud cry, the kind-hearted waitress rushed in. To her great surprise, the poor old man was there sitting on the floor, his teeth clenched and his right hand bleeding!
聽(tīng)到一聲大叫，好心的女服務(wù)員沖進(jìn)房來(lái)。讓她大為吃驚的是，可憐的老頭正坐在地板上，牙關(guān)緊咬，右手滴血不止。
2016最新爆笑冷笑話(huà)篇二
Present for Girlfriend
送給女友的禮物
At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend. "Shall I engrave her name on it?" the jeweler asked.
在一家珠寶店里，一位年輕人買(mǎi)了一個(gè)貴重的小金盒作為送給女友的禮物。“要我把她的名字刻在上面嗎?”珠寶商問(wèn)道。
The customer thought for a moment, and then said, "No-engrave it 'To my one and only love'. That way, if we ever break up, I can use it again."
那名顧客想了一會(huì)兒，然后說(shuō)道：“不--在上面刻‘給我唯一的愛(ài)’。這樣，如果我們鬧崩了，我還可以再用到它。”
2016最新爆笑冷笑話(huà)篇三
I'm Trying to Stop It "Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?"
“孩子，你為什么用棉花塞住耳朵?它感染了嗎?”
"No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other, so I am trying to stop it."
“沒(méi)有，老師?？墒悄阕蛱煺f(shuō)你告訴我的知識(shí)都是一個(gè)耳朵里進(jìn)，一個(gè)耳朵里出，所以我要把它堵在里面。”
2016最新爆笑冷笑話(huà)篇四
Contented Married Life
令人滿(mǎn)意的婚姻生活
A man was telling one of his friends the secret of his contented married life, "My wife makes all the small decisions," he explained, "and I make all the big ones, so we never interfere in each other's business and never get annoyed with each other. We have no complaints and no arguments."
一個(gè)男人告訴他的朋友自己婚姻幸福美滿(mǎn)的秘密，“小事都由我妻子決定，”他解釋說(shuō)：“而我只管大事，我們從不互相干涉，從不生對(duì)方的氣。我們從來(lái)沒(méi)有抱怨、沒(méi)有爭(zhēng)吵。”
"That sounds reasonable," answered his friend sympathetically. "And what sort of decisions does your wife make?"
“聽(tīng)起來(lái)很有道理，”他的朋友深有同感，“有哪些事情由你妻子作決定呢?”
"Well," answered the man, "she decides what jobs I apply for, what sort of house we live in, what furniture we have, where we go for our holidays, and things like that."
“嗯，”那個(gè)人回答說(shuō)：“她決定我申請(qǐng)什么工作，我們住什么房子，買(mǎi)什么家具，去哪里度假這些事情。”
His friend was surprised. "Oh?" he said. "And what do you consider important decisions then?"
他的朋友很驚奇的問(wèn)道：“哦?那么你決定哪些重要事情?”
"Well," answered the man, "I decide who should be Prime Minister, whether we should increase our help to poor countries, what we should do about the atom bomb, and things like that."
“嗯，”他回答：“我決定誰(shuí)來(lái)當(dāng)首相，我們是否要增加對(duì)貧困國(guó)家的援助，怎么處理原子彈等等這些問(wèn)題。”
2016最新爆笑冷笑話(huà)篇五
Wife talking to her husband (who reads newspaper all day): I wish I were a newspaper so I'll be in your hands all day.
Husband: I wish that too, so I could change you daily.
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