初中2分鐘英語(yǔ)笑話大全
笑話是日常生活中常見的一種幽默。與一般日常會(huì)話不同,笑話刻意違反合作原則,由此衍生出會(huì)話含意,并利用會(huì)話含意之間的沖突實(shí)現(xiàn)其預(yù)定功能。小編精心收集了初中2分鐘英語(yǔ)笑話，供大家欣賞學(xué)習(xí)!
初中2分鐘英語(yǔ)笑話篇1
Be Careful What You Wish For
A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays, which fell on the same day.
During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each.
The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her hand, and Boom! She had the tickets in her hand.
Next, it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, "Well, I'd like to have a woman 30 years younger than me."
The fairy picked up her wand, and Boom! He was ninety.
慎重許愿
一對(duì)結(jié)婚25周年的夫妻在慶祝他們六十歲的生日。他們恰好在同一天出生。
慶?；顒?dòng)中，一位仙女出現(xiàn)了。她說(shuō)，由于他們是已經(jīng)結(jié)婚25年的恩愛夫妻，因此她給許給這對(duì)夫妻每個(gè)人一個(gè)愿望。
妻子想周游世界。仙女招了招手。“呯!”的一聲，她的手中出現(xiàn)了一張票。
接下來(lái)該丈夫許愿了。他猶豫片刻，害羞地說(shuō)，“那我想要一位比我年輕30歲的女人。”
仙女拾起了魔術(shù)棒。“呯!”，他變成了90歲。
初中2分鐘英語(yǔ)笑話篇2
My Husband Will Be Home Soon
A married man was visiting his "girlfriend" when she requested that he shave his beard.
"Oh James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face."
James replied, "My wife loves this beard, I couldn't possibly do it, she would kill me!!"
"Oh please?" the girlfriend asked again, in a *y little voice...
"Oh really, I can't," he replies..."My wife loves this beard!!"
The girlfriend asked once more, and he sighs and finally gives in. That night James crawls into bed with his wife while she was sleeping.
The wife is awakened somewhat, feels his face and replies "Oh Michael, you shouldn't be here, my husband will be home soon!"
我丈夫馬上就要回來(lái)了
一個(gè)已婚男人去拜訪他的“女朋友”時(shí)，女朋友要求他剃去胡須。
“噢，詹姆斯，我喜歡你的胡子，但我更喜歡看到你英俊的面孔。”
詹姆斯回答說(shuō)，“我的妻子喜歡我的胡子，所以我不可能剃掉它，否則她會(huì)殺了我的。”
“噢，我求你了，”女朋友用一種低沉的、性感的聲音又一次說(shuō)道。
“可是，我不能，”他回答道，“我的妻子喜歡這胡子。”
在女朋友再三請(qǐng)求下，他終于屈服同意了。夜里，在妻子熟睡時(shí)，詹姆斯爬上了床。
妻子朦朦朧朧地摸了摸他的臉說(shuō)道，“噢，邁克爾，你不應(yīng)該在這里，我的丈夫很快就要回來(lái)了。”
初中2分鐘英語(yǔ)笑話篇3
This just in : NEW VIRUS WARNING
If you receive an e-mail with a subject line of "Badtimes," delete it immediately WITHOUT reading it. This is the most dangerous Email virus yet.
It will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, but it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer. It will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream melts and milk curdles . It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, reprogram your ATM access code, screw up the tracking on your VCR and use subspace field harmonics to scratch any CDs you try to play.
It will give your ex-boy/girlfriend your new phone number. It will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. It will drink all your beer and leave its dirty socks on the coffee table when there's company coming over.
It will hide your car keys when you are late for work and interfere with your car radio so that you hear only static while stuck in traffic.
Badtimes will make you fall in love with a hardened pedophile. It will give you nightmares about circus midgets. It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing their hotel rendezvous to your Visa card.
It will seduce your grandmother. It does not matter if she is dead, such is the power of Badtimes, it reaches out beyond the grave to sully those things we hold most dear.
Badtimes will give you Dutch Elm disease. It will leave the toilet seat up and leave the hairdryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub. It will wantonly remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, and refill your skim milk with whole. It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.
這是一個(gè)：電腦新病毒的警告
如果你收到一封主題是“ 倒霉透了”的郵件時(shí)，立即刪除千萬(wàn)不要閱讀。這是迄今最為危險(xiǎn)的郵件病毒。
它會(huì)重寫你的硬盤，不止這些，還會(huì)損壞任何離你電腦很近的磁碟。重置你冰箱的制冷度數(shù)讓好吃的冰淇淋全部化掉，牛奶也餿掉。它還會(huì)讓你的所有信用卡磁條失效，更改你在自動(dòng)提款機(jī)上取錢的密碼，你錄像機(jī)上的影像資料也會(huì)變得亂七八糟，它還利用子空間場(chǎng)諧波刮壞任何你想聽的CD。
它還會(huì)把你的新電話號(hào)碼告訴你的舊情人，把防凍劑注入到你的魚缸里，它將喝光你所有的啤酒，然后，當(dāng)有人上門的時(shí)候，將它的臭襪子留在茶幾上。
當(dāng)你遲到的時(shí)候它會(huì)藏起你的車鑰匙，還會(huì)干擾你車內(nèi)的音響系統(tǒng)，好讓你在塞車的時(shí)候欣賞沙沙的靜電聲。
“倒霉透了”還會(huì)把你的洗發(fā)水換成脫毛膏，然后把你的脫毛膏換成生發(fā)液.還始終在你背后與你的現(xiàn)任情人幽會(huì)，用你的維薩信用卡支付他們的酒店浪漫費(fèi)用。
它會(huì)色誘你的祖母，不管她在不在人世。這些都顯示了此郵件的影響力，它就是這樣毀掉了墳?zāi)箖?nèi)外所有美好的事。
這個(gè)郵件會(huì)使你患上荷蘭榆樹病，它會(huì)讓你的屁股永遠(yuǎn)放不到馬桶座墊上，還會(huì)把電吹風(fēng)插在放滿水的浴缸旁邊的插座上，它會(huì)肆意篡改枕頭和床墊的禁止事項(xiàng)，把脫脂牛奶換成全脂牛奶。它躲在暗處，到處寫滿了它的危險(xiǎn)和可怕，不過(guò)，它呈現(xiàn)的淡紫色到是相當(dāng)有趣的。
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