超級(jí)經(jīng)典的英語(yǔ)笑話大全
超級(jí)經(jīng)典的英語(yǔ)笑話大全
笑話是日常生活中常見的一種幽默。與一般日常會(huì)話不同,笑話刻意違反合作原則,由此衍生出會(huì)話含意,并利用會(huì)話含意之間的沖突實(shí)現(xiàn)其預(yù)定功能。學(xué)習(xí)啦小編分享超級(jí)經(jīng)典的英語(yǔ)笑話，希望可以幫助大家!
超級(jí)經(jīng)典的英語(yǔ)笑話：Mother Teresa Goes to Heaven
Mother Teresa died and went to heaven.
God greets her at the Pearly Gates."Are you hungry, Mother Teresa?" says God.
"I could eat," Mother Teresa replies.
So God opens a can of tuna and reaches for a chunk of rye bread and they share it.
While eating this humble meal, Mother Teresa looks down into Hell and sees the inhabitantsdevouring huge steaks, lobsters, pheasants, pastries and wines. Curious, but deeply trusting, she remains quiet.
The next day God again invites her to join Him for a meal.
Again, it is tuna and rye bread.
Once again, Mother Teresa can see the denizens of Hell enjoying caviar, champagne, lamb, truffles and chocolates.
Still she says nothing.
The following day, mealtime arrives and another can of tuna is opened.
She can't contain herself any longer. Meekly, she says: "God, I am grateful to be in heaven with You as a reward for the pious, obedient life I led. But here in heaven all I get to eat is tuna and a piece of rye bread, and in the Other Place they eat like emperors and kings! I just don't understand."
God sighs. "Let's be honest," He says. "For just two people, does it pay to cook?"
超級(jí)經(jīng)典的英語(yǔ)笑話：Confessional Etiquette
The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks an older priest to sit in on his sessions. The new priest hears a couple confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions.
The old priest says, "Cross you arms over your chest and rub your chin with one hand."
The new priest tries this. The old priest suggests, "Try saying things like, 'I see,' 'yes,' 'go on,' 'I understand,' and 'how did you feel about that?'"
The new priest says those things, trying them out. The old priest says, "Now, don't you think that's a little better than saying, 'Whoa... What happened next?'"
超級(jí)經(jīng)典的英語(yǔ)笑話：Before you meet with God
A man died and went to The Judgment. St. Peter met him at the Gates of Heaven and said, "Before you meet with God, I thought I should tell you -- we've looked at your life, and your really didn't do anything particularly good or bad. We're not at all sure what to do with you. Can you tell us anything you did that can help us make a decision?"
The newly arrived soul thought for a moment and replied, "Yeah, once I was driving along and came upon a woman who was being harassed by a group of bikers. So I pulled over, got out my tire iron, and went up to the leader of the bikers. He was a big, muscular, hairy guy withtattoos all over his body and a ring pierced through his nose. Well, I tore the nose ring out of his nose, and told him he and his gang had better stop bothering the woman or they would have to deal with me!"
"I'm impressed," St. Peter responded, "When did this happen?"
"About two minutes ago," came the reply.
超級(jí)經(jīng)典的英語(yǔ)笑話：Religious Cruise
A Rabbi, a Protestant minister and a Catholic Priest were taking a party of kids on a cruise. Suddenly the ship hit a rock and began to sink. The Rabbi cried out: "Quick! The kids!" "Fuck the kids!" said the minister, heading out. "Do you think we have time?" said the priest.
超級(jí)經(jīng)典的英語(yǔ)笑話：I've Fallen
There's an old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!" Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen."This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest died at a ripe old age. About a week after the new priest arrived, he visited the mayor of the town and seemed very concerned.The priest said, "You have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen." The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new priest about the code word. Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at the mayor and said, "I don't know what you're laughing about, your wife fell three times this week."
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