經(jīng)典搞笑英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)閱讀
經(jīng)典搞笑英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)閱讀
與一般日常會(huì)話(huà)不同,笑話(huà)刻意地違反合作原則,引導(dǎo)出會(huì)話(huà)含意,并且利用會(huì)話(huà)含意之間的沖突來(lái)達(dá)到其預(yù)定功能。小編精心收集了經(jīng)典搞笑英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)，供大家欣賞學(xué)習(xí)!
經(jīng)典搞笑英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)： Bibles
A man wanted to sell Bibles. He went to the nearest book store and asked the proprietor: "I'd like to have 10 Bibles."
He was given the Bibles and the next day, the man came back to the store and asked for 20 more Bibles.
The proprietor exclaimed: "20 Bibles! What did you do with the 10 I gave you yesterday?"
"I sold them! the man said. So the proprietor gave him 20 more Bibles.
Two days later, the man was back asking for 40 Bibles.
"40 Bibles! the proprietor gasped. How do you sell so many Bibles?"
The man explained that he had a stuttering problem "I just go door to door and ask: Hi! Do you want to b-b-b-buy a B-B-B-Bible? And if you don't want to b-b-b-buy a B-B-B-Bible, I can always r-r-r-read it for you!"
經(jīng)典搞笑英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)：Bear Advisory
The Forest Service has issued a BEAR WARNING in the national forests for this summer. They're urging everyone to protect themselves by wearing bells and carrying pepper spray.
Campers should be alert for signs of fresh bear activity, and they should be able to tell the difference between Black Bear dung and Grizzy Bear dung.
Black Bear dung is rather small and round. Sometimes you can see fruit seeds and/or squirrel fur in it.
Grizzly Bear dung has bells in it, and smells like pepper spray!
經(jīng)典搞笑英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)：Beware The Trees
A State Trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and approaches the blonde lady driver. "Ma'am, is there a reason that you're weaving all over the road?"
The woman replied, "Oh officer, thank goodness you're here! I almost had an accident. I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me. I swerved to the right and there was another tree in front of me!"
Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror, the officer replied, "Ma'am... that's your air freshener."
經(jīng)典搞笑英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)：The Cab Driver
A woman and her son were taking a cab in New York City. It was raining and all the hookers werestanding under the awnings. "Mommy," said the little boy, "what are all those ladies doing?" "They're waiting for their husbands to get off of work," she replied. The cabbie turns around and says, "Geez lady, why don't you tell him the truth? Their hookers. They have sex with men for money." The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true, mommy?" His mother, glaring at the cabbie, answers in the affirmative. After a few minutes, the kid asks, "Mommy what happens to the babies those ladies have?" "They mostly become cab drivers," she replied.
經(jīng)典搞笑英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)：Bubba Sues
Somewhere in the deep South, Bubba called an attorney and asked, "Is it true they're suing the cigarette companies for causing people to get cancer?"
"Yes, Bubba, that is true."
"And people are suing the fast food restaurants for making them fat and clogging theirarteries with all them burgers and fries ... is that true, mister lawyer?"
"Sure is Bubba, but why do you ask?"
"Cause I was thinkin' .... maybe I can sue Budweiser for all them ugly women I've been wakin' up with!"
經(jīng)典搞笑英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)：Sick Man
A man is lying in bed in a Catholic hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth. A youngauxiliary nurse appears to sponge his face and hands.
"Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed the young nurse replies, "I don't know, I'm only here to wash your face and hands."
He struggles again to ask, "Nurse, Are my testicles black?"
Again the nurse replies, "I can't tell. I'm only here to wash your face and hands."
The ward sister was passing and saw the man getting a little distraught so marched over to inquire what was wrong.
"Sister," he mumbled, "Are my testicles black?"
Being a nurse of longstanding, the sister was undaunted. She whipped back the bedclothes, pulled down his pajama trousers, moved his penis out of the way, had a right good look, pulled up the pyjamas, replaced the bedclothes and announced, "Nothing wrong with them!!!"
At this the man pulled off his oxygen mask and asked again, "Are my test results back???"
經(jīng)典搞笑英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)：God Tells Adam The Awful Truth
One day God came to Adam for a brief discussion. "I've got some good news and some bad news." God said.
Adam looked thoughtfully at his maker and replied, "Please give me the good news first."
Smiling, God explained, "I've created two new organs for you. One is called a brain. This organ will allow you to be very intelligent, create new things, and carry on productive conversations with Eve. The other organ is called a penis. It will allow you to reproduce your intelligent life form and begin populating the planet. Eve will be very pleased that you are now equipped with this organ as she will be able to conceive children."
Adam, very excited, exclaimed, "These are great and wonderful gifts you have given me. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?"
God then looked upon Adam, and said with great sorrow, "The bad news is I only gave you enough blood to operate one of these organs at a time."
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