小學(xué)一年級的英語笑話閱讀
小學(xué)一年級的英語笑話閱讀
冷笑話是近幾年新興的一種語言現(xiàn)象,它輕松詼諧、別具一格，給聽笑話的人一種前所未有的感受。小編精心收集了小學(xué)一年級的英語笑話，供大家欣賞學(xué)習(xí)!
小學(xué)一年級的英語笑話：Losing Job
This guy needs a job and decides to apply at the zoo. As it happened, their star attraction, a gorilla, had passed away the night before and they had carefully preserved his hide. They tell this guy that they'll pay him well if he would dress up in the gorillas skin and pretend to be the gorilla so people will keep coming to the zoo.
Well, the guy has his doubts, but Hey! He needs the money, so he puts on the skin and goes out into the cage. The people all cheer to see him. He plays up to the audience and they just eat it up. This isn't so bad, he thinks, and he starts really putting on a show, jumping around, beating his chest and roaring, swinging around. During one acrobatic attempt, though, he loses his balance and crashes through some safety netting, landing square in the middle of the lion cage! As he lies there stunned, the lion roars. He's terrified and starts screaming, "Help, Help, Help!" The lion races over to him, places his paws on his chest and hisses, "Shut up or we'll BOTH lose our jobs!"
小學(xué)一年級的英語笑話：What's the shotgun for?
A lady is eating breakfast out on her patio one morning, when she notices a massive gorilla climbing up her palm tree. This sight scares her so she runs inside her house. Trying to figure out what to do she grabs the yellow pages and looks it up--sure enough right in the yellow pages is a big ad for gorilla extractors. She calls the number and the man on the other end of the line says he'll be right over. When he shows up he explains to the lady that it is a pretty common problem and it should only take a few minutes. First he must get his equipment. So from his truck he grabs a stepladder, a shotgun, an eight foot pole, handcuffs and a mean ass dog. The lady exclaims, "What the hell is all that stuff for?" The gorilla extractor explains: "First I climb up on the stepladder and ram this here pole up the gorilla ass. This will cause the gorilla to fall from the tree at which point that mean ass dog will bite the gorilla in the balls. This temporarily paralyzes the gorilla. At which point I put the handcuffs on the gorilla and take him away. The lady asks, "What's the shotgun for?" The man answers, "In case I fall off the ladder, you shoot that mean ass dog!"
小學(xué)一年級的英語笑話：10 Things You Do Not Want To Hear From Your Boss
1. Wild laughter, after you ask for a raise.
2. "I hope you don't mind that I took credit for your idea in the meeting back there."
3. As you're working to get a rush project done on time while he reads the Wall Street Journal: "Would you mind getting me a cup of coffee while you're up?"
4. "I'd like you to meet Marty, the newest member of our team. She'll be sharing your tiny cubicle with you for a while."
5. "I'm sorry to hear that you prepaid your three-day vacation, but Monday's not a company holiday, and you've used up all your vacation days for this year."
6. Calling from behind his closed office door (thankfully): "Cancel all my appointments this morning, I've just spilled coffee on my suit and am going to have to work stark naked until it and my underwear dries."
7. After days of trying to convince your boss to let you leave early just once so that you can schedule a dental appointment, and having your requests denied: "I need you to wrap up around four today so that you can give me a lift to pick up my Porsche. I'm getting new racing tires put on her."
8. On the Friday afternoon just before your vacation: "You don't mind working late tonight, do you?"
9. "Have you updated your resume lately?"
10. Any sentence that begins with: "Due to company cut-backs..."
小學(xué)一年級的英語笑話：Soldiers at work
At an exhibition of military painting a visitor was admiring a picture.
"What a great realist that painter is!" he exclaimed.
"What painter?"
"The one that painted this picture 'Soldiers at Work'."
"Yes, hut something is wrong there. Those soldiers aren't working at all!"
"That is just the greatest stroke of realism in the picture!"
小學(xué)一年級的英語笑話：Stay over one night
A hindu priest, rabbi and a lawyer were driving down the road, when the car breaks down. Fortunately finding a farmhouse nearby, the farmer informed them that he had only one spare room, and that it had only two twin beds.
They were welcome to it, but one of them had to sleep in the barn. After much discussion, the hindu volunteered to go to the barn. A few moments later, a knock on the bedroom door, and the hidu explained that there was a cow in the barn, and cows are sacred and he could not possibly sleep in the barn with a cow.
Annoyed, the rabbi volunteered. A few moments later, a knock on the door. The rabbi explained that there was a pig in the barn and that he, being very orthodox, could not possibly spend the evening in the barn with the origin of pork.
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