有關(guān)于經(jīng)典英語(yǔ)笑話短文欣賞
笑話一般比較短小,喜劇性很強(qiáng),普遍存在于人們的日常生活中。笑話的娛樂(lè)作用可以減輕人的心理壓力,促進(jìn)身體健康。小編精心收集了有關(guān)于經(jīng)典英語(yǔ)笑話短文，供大家欣賞學(xué)習(xí)!
有關(guān)于經(jīng)典英語(yǔ)笑話短文：讓人崩潰的駕駛
A guy was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer, "Is there a problem, Officer?""No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a ,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations. What do you think you're going to do with the money?"He thought for a minute and said, "Well, I guess I'll go get that drivers' license."The lady sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman, "Oh, don't pay attention to him - he's a smartass when he's drunk and stoned(醉酒的) ."The guy from the back seat said, "I TOLD you guys we wouldn't get far in a stolen car!"At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk(行李箱) and a muffled(聽(tīng)不清的) voice said, "Are we over the border yet?"
一個(gè)家伙開(kāi)車的時(shí)候警察追了上來(lái)。這個(gè)家伙要開(kāi)窗戶問(wèn)警察：“怎么了，警官?”
“沒(méi)事，我觀察到了你的安全駕駛技術(shù)，很高興你獲得了價(jià)值5000美元的安全駕駛獎(jiǎng)。祝賀你!你認(rèn)為你要拿這筆錢去做什么?”
他想了一會(huì)說(shuō)“哦，我覺(jué)得，我應(yīng)該去考駕照”。
坐在副駕駛位的女士說(shuō)"別在意他說(shuō)的，他喝醉了酒說(shuō)胡話呢.“
后面座位的家伙說(shuō)”我告訴你，偷來(lái)的車我們走不遠(yuǎn)的。“
此時(shí)，行李箱出現(xiàn)了敲擊聲并傳出一個(gè)模糊不清的聲音：“我們穿過(guò)了邊境了嗎?”
有關(guān)于經(jīng)典英語(yǔ)笑話短文：職業(yè)賭徒
During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day. He went up to the bartender and said, "Bartender, I'd like to buy the house a round of drinks."
The bartender said, "That's fine, but we're in the middle of the Depression, so I'll need to see some money first."
The guy pulled out a huge wad of bills and set them on the bar. The bartender can't believe what he's seeing. "Where did you get all that money?" asked the bartender.
"I'm a professional gambler," replied the man.
The bartender said, "There's no such thing! I mean, your odds are fifty-fifty at best, right?"
"Well, I only bet on sure things," said the guy.
"Like what?" asked the bartender.
"Well, for example, I'll bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right eye," he said.
The bartender thought about it. "Okay," he said.
So, the guy pulled out his false right eye and bit it. "Aw, you screwed me," said the bartender, and paid the guy his .
"I'll give you another chance. I'll bet you another fifty dollars that I can bite my left eye," said the stranger.
The bartender thought again and said, "Well, I know you're not blind, I mean, I watched you walk in here. I'll take that bet." So, the guy pulled out his false teeth and bit his left eye.
"Aw, you screwed me again!" protested the bartender.
"That's how I win so much money, bartender. I'll just take a bottle of your best scotch in lieu of the fifty dollars," said the man.
With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part of the night playing cards with some of the locals.
After many hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar. Drunk as a skunk, he said, "Bartender, I'll give you one last chance. I'll bet you five hundred dollars that I can stand on this bar on one foot and piss into that whiskey bottle on that shelf behind you without spilling a drop."
The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy couldn't even stand up straight on two feet, much less one. "Okay, you're on," he said.
The guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began pissing all over the place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not a drop made it into the whiskey bottle.
The bartender was ecstatic. Laughing, the bartender said, "Hey pal, you owe me five hundred dollars!"
The guy climbed down off the bar and said, "That's okay. I just bet each of the guys in the card room a thousand bucks each that I could piss all over you and the bar and still make you laugh!"
經(jīng)濟(jì)大蕭條時(shí)期。有一天，有個(gè)男人走進(jìn)一家酒吧，對(duì)調(diào)酒師說(shuō)：“調(diào)酒師，我想為在座的所有客人每人買一杯酒。”
調(diào)酒師說(shuō)：“當(dāng)然可以，不過(guò)現(xiàn)在正處于經(jīng)濟(jì)蕭條時(shí)期，我需要先看到你帶有足夠的現(xiàn)金才行。”
那人從口袋里掏出一大迭鈔票放到吧臺(tái)上。調(diào)酒師簡(jiǎn)直不敢相信自己的眼睛，就問(wèn)：“你這些錢都是從哪兒弄來(lái)的?”
“我是一個(gè)職業(yè)賭徒。”男士回答。
“這不可能。我的意思是，在賭場(chǎng)你贏的機(jī)會(huì)最多也就五五開(kāi)，不是嗎?” 調(diào)酒師說(shuō)。
“那當(dāng)然，不過(guò)我只打我必贏的賭。”男士說(shuō)。
“比如呢?”調(diào)酒師問(wèn)道。
“唔，例如，我可以和你賭50美元：我能夠用自己的牙咬到自己的右眼睛。”他說(shuō)。
調(diào)酒師想了一下，就說(shuō)：“那就來(lái)吧!”
于是，那個(gè)人將他右邊的假眼摳了出來(lái)，用嘴咬了一下。
調(diào)酒師說(shuō)聲“靠!我上當(dāng)了!” ，就給了他50美元。
那陌生人又說(shuō)道：“我會(huì)再給你一次機(jī)會(huì)的。我再和你賭50美元：我可以用我的牙咬到我的左眼。”
調(diào)酒師想了想說(shuō)道：“哼!你又不是盲人，我的意思是說(shuō)，我可是看著你走進(jìn)這個(gè)酒吧的。這一把我和你賭定了!”
話剛出口，那家伙就從嘴里一把將假牙掰了下來(lái)，咬了左眼睛一下。
“靠!我又上當(dāng)了!”調(diào)酒師幾乎是抗議地叫出聲來(lái)。
“這就是我贏了這么多錢的辦法，小伙子!不過(guò)這次你也不用給我50元了，我只拿走一瓶威士忌就算了!”那人說(shuō)道。
那個(gè)人拿了酒，就來(lái)到酒吧的后房，整個(gè)晚上的大部分時(shí)間都在和當(dāng)?shù)厝舜蚺啤?/p>
邊喝邊玩好幾個(gè)小時(shí)之后，那個(gè)人又搖搖晃晃地來(lái)到吧臺(tái)前，醉醺醺的樣子，都快站不住了，他對(duì)調(diào)酒師說(shuō)：“小伙子，我再給你最后一個(gè)機(jī)會(huì)。我和你賭500美元：我可以用一只腳站在這張吧臺(tái)上撒尿，我能夠把尿射到你身后酒架上的那個(gè)空瓶子里，而且保證不灑一滴到瓶子外邊。”
調(diào)酒師再一次認(rèn)真想了想：這家伙現(xiàn)在就是用兩只腳都站不直，更別說(shuō)用一條腿了……于是說(shuō)：“好!那你就開(kāi)始吧。”
只見(jiàn)那人爬到吧臺(tái)上，來(lái)個(gè)金雞獨(dú)立，就開(kāi)始撒尿。尿撒得到處都是：吧臺(tái)上、調(diào)酒師身上和他自己身上，就是沒(méi)有一滴尿到酒瓶里去。
小伙子簡(jiǎn)直開(kāi)心死了，大笑著說(shuō)：“老兄，這次你可欠我500塊錢了。”
那家伙從吧臺(tái)上爬了下來(lái)，說(shuō)：“沒(méi)問(wèn)題。我剛和棋牌室里的每個(gè)人都賭了一千塊錢，說(shuō)我敢往你身上和吧臺(tái)上撒尿，并且還能讓你大笑!”
有關(guān)于經(jīng)典英語(yǔ)笑話短文：往回跑了這么遠(yuǎn)
A big battle was going on during the First World War.Guns were firing， and shells and bullets were flying about everywhere.After an hour of this， one of the soldiers decidedthat the fighting was getting too dangerous for him， so he leftthe front line and began to go away from the battle. After hehad walked for an hour，he saw an officer coming towardshim. The officer stopped him and said，“ where are you going?” “I'm trying to get as far away as possible from the battlethat's going on behind us， sir，” the soldier answered. “Do you know who I am?” the officer said to him angrily.“I'm your commanding officer.” The soldier was very surprised when he heard this and said，“My God，I didn't know that I was so far back already!”
第一次世界大戰(zhàn)期間，一場(chǎng)大戰(zhàn)役正在進(jìn)行。槍炮轟鳴，炮彈和子彈到處亂飛。這樣過(guò)了一個(gè)小時(shí)后，一個(gè)士兵認(rèn)定戰(zhàn)斗對(duì)他來(lái)說(shuō)變得太危險(xiǎn)了，所以他離開(kāi)前線開(kāi)始逃離戰(zhàn)場(chǎng)。步行了一個(gè)小時(shí)之后，他看見(jiàn)一個(gè)軍官向他走過(guò)來(lái)。那軍官叫住他說(shuō)：“你要到哪兒去?” “長(zhǎng)官，我正盡可能遠(yuǎn)地躲開(kāi)我們身后正在進(jìn)行的戰(zhàn)役，”士兵回答說(shuō)。 “你知道我是誰(shuí)嗎?”軍官生氣地對(duì)他說(shuō)：“我是你的指揮官。” 那士兵聽(tīng)到此話感到非常驚訝，說(shuō)：“天哪，我想不到我已經(jīng)往回跑了這么遠(yuǎn)了!”
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