導(dǎo)語(yǔ)：笑話(huà)是指以一句短語(yǔ)或一個(gè)小故事讓說(shuō)話(huà)者和聽(tīng)者之間覺(jué)得好笑，或是產(chǎn)生幽默感，另外一個(gè)行動(dòng)(動(dòng)作)型的笑話(huà)是以動(dòng)作影響人的視覺(jué)及觀感，而感到好笑。一起來(lái)看看這些英語(yǔ)爆笑（帶翻譯）笑話(huà)吧。

　　1.A shoplifter(商店扒手)51kxh.cn |was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from a jewelry store. "Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch, and we forget about this?"

　　The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook(騙子，壞蛋) looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend."

　　一個(gè)小偷在一家珠寶店企圖偷走一只手表的時(shí)候被當(dāng)場(chǎng)擒獲。“聽(tīng)著，”小偷說(shuō)，“我知道你們也不想惹麻煩。我把這只表買(mǎi)下，然后我們就當(dāng)什么也沒(méi)發(fā)生，你看怎樣?”

　　經(jīng)理表示同意，然后列了一張售貨單。小偷看著單子說(shuō)道：“這比我最初的預(yù)算稍稍高了一點(diǎn)，你們還有沒(méi)有便宜一點(diǎn)兒東西。"

　　2.The little girl did not like the look of the barking dog.

　　"It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?"

　　"Ah, yes," answered the little girl. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"

　　一個(gè)小女孩非常不喜歡狗狂叫的樣子。

　　“沒(méi)有關(guān)系，”一位先生說(shuō)，“不用害怕，你知道這條諺語(yǔ)嗎：‘吠狗不咬人。’”

　　“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道嗎?”

　　3.Class and AssProfessor Laurie of Glasgow put this notice on his door：“Professor Laurie will not meet his classes today.” A student，after reading the notice，rubbed out the“c”. Later Professor Laurie came along，and entering into the spirit of the joke，rubbed out the“l”.

　　格拉斯哥的勞里教授在門(mén)上貼了這樣一個(gè)通知：“勞里教授今天不會(huì)他的班。” 一個(gè)學(xué)生讀了通知后，擦掉了字母“c”。 后來(lái)勞里教授來(lái)了，也想開(kāi)開(kāi)玩笑，他擦掉了字母“l”。[來(lái)自我要看笑話(huà)51kxh.cn]

　　4.The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled(被寵壞的) . His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum(亂發(fā)脾氣) . Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.

　　When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door.

　　Was school all right? she asked, Did you get along all right? did you cry? 51kxh.cn

　　Cry? John asked. No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!

　　六歲的約翰嬌生慣養(yǎng)。他的父親知道這一點(diǎn)，可他的祖父母仍然寵著他。這孩子幾乎寸步不離他的祖母。他想要什么不是哭，就是鬧。他第一天上學(xué)才離開(kāi)祖母的懷抱。

　　約翰放學(xué)了，他奶奶在門(mén)口接他并問(wèn)道：學(xué)校怎么樣?你過(guò)的好嗎?哭了沒(méi)有?

　　哭?約翰問(wèn)，不，我沒(méi)哭，可老師哭了。

　　5.A teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"

　　Little Johnny then stood up.

　　The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Johnny?"

　　"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

　　一個(gè)老師在對(duì)學(xué)生們講心理學(xué)，“誰(shuí)認(rèn)為自己蠢就站起來(lái)?”她一開(kāi)始就說(shuō)。

　　小約翰尼站了起來(lái)。

　　“你認(rèn)為你很蠢嗎，小約翰尼?”老師問(wèn)。

　　“不是的，老師，我只是不喜歡看你一個(gè)人站著。”

　　6.Stupid Question

　　Dan was the doorman of a club in a big city. Everyday, thousands of people passed his door, and a lot of them stopped and asked him, "What's the time, please?"

　　After a few months, Dan said to himself, "I'm not going to answer all those stupid people any more. I'm going to buy a big clock and put it upon the wall here." Then he did so.

　　“Now people aren't going to stop and ask me the time," he thought happily.

　　But after that, a lot of people stopped, looked at the clock and then asked Dan, "Is that clock right?”

　　愚蠢的問(wèn)題

　　丹在一個(gè)大城市的某個(gè)俱樂(lè)部當(dāng)守門(mén)人。每天都有數(shù)千人經(jīng)過(guò)他的門(mén)口，而且許多人都會(huì)停下來(lái)問(wèn)他:“請(qǐng)問(wèn)現(xiàn)在幾點(diǎn)?”

　　幾個(gè)月后，丹想:“我不想再回答這些蠢人提出的問(wèn)題了，我要去買(mǎi)一只大鐘，把它掛在這兒的墻上。”于是他買(mǎi)了一只鐘，把它掛在了墻上。

　　“現(xiàn)在人們總不會(huì)再停下來(lái)問(wèn)我時(shí)間了。”他高興地想。

　　可是打那以后，每天仍有許多人停下來(lái)，看看鐘，然后問(wèn)丹:“這鐘準(zhǔn)嗎?”

　　7.

　　Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.

　　"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"

　　"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"

　　The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."

　　兄弟倆在看一些漂亮的油畫(huà)。

　　“看，”哥哥說(shuō)，“這些畫(huà)多漂亮呀!”

　　“是啊，”弟弟說(shuō)道，“可是在所有這些畫(huà)中，只有媽媽和孩子。那爸爸去哪兒了呢?”

　　哥哥想了一會(huì)兒，然后解釋道：“很明顯，他當(dāng)時(shí)正在畫(huà)這些畫(huà)唄。”