下面是學(xué)習(xí)啦小編整理的英語笑話7篇，以供大家參閱。

　　英語笑話一

　　During the doctor's periodic visit to my elderly mother, I told him that Mother would be celebrating her 98th birthday in few days. Delighted by the news, he bent down and gave her a kiss for the occasion. He then announced that he, too, would be celebrating a birthday in few days and asked for a kiss in return.When he left, my mother shook her head in disgust. "Can you imagine, " she said. "Seventy dollars and I had to kiss him too!醫(yī)生按期來探視我的老母。我告訴他母親不幾天就要慶祝她98歲的生日了。醫(yī)生聽了也很高興，為此，他彎下腰來親了她一下。然后他說不幾天他也要慶祝自己的生日，并要求她還他一個吻。醫(yī)生走后，我母親厭惡地?fù)u搖頭。“你能想象嗎，”她說，“付了他70元，我還得親他!”

　　英語笑話二

　　Miles sometime went to the barber's during working hours to have his hair cut. But this was against the office rules: clerks had to have their hair cut in their own time. While Miles was at the barber's one day, the manager of the office came in by chance to have his own hair cut and sat just beside him."Hello, Miles," the manager said. "I see that you are having your hair cut in office time.""Yes, sir, I am," admitted Miles calmly. "You see, sir, it grows in office time.""Not all of it," said the manager at once. "Some of it grows in your own time.""Yes, sir, that's quite true." Answered Miles politely, "but I'm not having it all cut off."麥爾斯有時在上班時間去理發(fā)館理發(fā)，但這是違反辦公室規(guī)定的：職員只能利用自己的時間理發(fā)。一天，正當(dāng)麥爾斯理發(fā)時，經(jīng)理碰巧也進(jìn)來理發(fā)，而且就坐在他旁邊。“你好，麥爾斯，”經(jīng)理說。“我看到你在上班時間理發(fā)了。”“是的，先生。正是這樣。”麥爾斯平靜地承認(rèn)了?？上壬?，你看，頭發(fā)是在上班時間長的。“不全都是吧，”經(jīng)理立刻說，“有一些是在你自己的時間里長的。”“對呀，先生，你說得很對。”麥爾斯禮貌地回答說，“但我并沒有把頭發(fā)全都剪掉啊。”

　　英語笑話三

　　A teacher said to her class:”Who was the first man?”“George Washington,”a little boy shouted promptly.

　　“How do you make out that George Washington was the first man?”asked the teacher，smiling indulgently.“Because,” said the little boy, “he was first in war, first in peace, and first in the hearts of his countrymen.”But at this point a larger boy held up his hand.“Well,”said the teacher to him, “who do you think was the first man?”

　　“I don’t know what his name was,”said the larger boy, “but I know it wasn’t George Washington, ma’am, because the history book says George Washington married a widow, so, of course, there must have been a man ahead of him.”

　　一個老師問她的學(xué)生：“誰是世界上第一個男人”一個小男孩立刻大聲說：“喬治.華盛頓。”老師帶著寵溺的笑容問這個男生：“你如何證明喬治華盛頓是世界上第一個男人呢。”這個男孩子說：“因為，他是第一個挑起戰(zhàn)爭，第一個主張和平，并且是第一個深得民心的人。”這時，有一個年齡稍大的男孩子舉起手來，老師問他，“你認(rèn)為誰是世界第一個男人?”男孩回答說：“我不知道他的名字，但是我肯定他不是喬治華盛頓，因為歷史書上說，喬治華盛頓和一個寡婦結(jié)婚了，所以在他之前，當(dāng)然還有一個男的啦。”

　　英語笑話四

　　A shoplifter 51kxh.cn |was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from a jewelry store. "Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch, and we forget about this?" The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend."

　　一個小偷在一家珠寶店企圖偷走一只手表的時候被當(dāng)場擒獲。“聽著，”小偷說，“我知道你們也不想惹麻煩。我把這只表買下，然后我們就當(dāng)什么也沒發(fā)生，你看怎樣?”經(jīng)理表示同意，然后列了一張售貨單。小偷看著單子說道：“這比我最初的預(yù)算稍稍高了一點，你們還有沒有便宜一點兒東西。”

　　英語笑話五：there's only ONE policeman

　　One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk." "But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"

　　一天，父親與小兒子一道回家。這個孩子正處于那種對什么事都很感興趣的年齡，老是有提不完的問題。他向父親發(fā)問道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思?”“唔，孩子，”父親回答說，“你瞧那兒站著兩個警察。如果我把他們看成了四個，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子說，“那兒只有一個警察呀!”

　　英語笑話六："孩子"的復(fù)數(shù)形式

　　Teacher: What is the plural of man, Tom?

　　Tom: Men.

　　Teacher: Good. And the plural of child?

　　Tom: Twins.

　　老師：湯姆，‘男人’這個詞的復(fù)數(shù)形式是什么?

　　湯姆：男人們。

　　老師：答得好。那‘孩子’的復(fù)數(shù)形式呢?

　　湯姆：雙胞胎。

　　英語笑話七：除了音樂

　　A keen young teacher wanted to introduce her class to the glories of classical music, so she arranged an outing to an afternoon concert. To make the occasion even more memorable, she treated everyone to lemonade, cake, chocs and ices. Just as the party was getting back into their coach, she said to little Sally, "Have you enjoyed yourself today?"

　　"Oh, yes, miss!" said Sally, "It was lovely. All except the music, that is."

　　一位熱心的年輕教師想讓她的學(xué)生多了解一點優(yōu)秀的古典音樂，就安排了一天下午去聽音樂會。為了使這次活動能給大家留下更深的印象，她請大家喝檸檬汽水、吃點心、巧克力和冰淇淋。在大家回來上汽車的時候，她問小薩莉：“你今天玩得好嗎?”

　　“噢，好極了，小姐，” 薩莉說，“除了音樂其它都很好。”