英語爆笑笑話一：A Woman's answer

　　A husband said to his wife, " Why did God create women to be beautiful but foolish?"

　　"Well," his wife answered at once." The reason is very simple. God made us beautiful so men would love us; God made us foolish so we would marry them."

　　一位丈夫?qū)λ钠拮诱f：“為什么上帝把婦女創(chuàng)造得如此美麗卻又愚蠢呢?” “噢，”他的妻子立刻回答道，“原因很簡單。上帝使我們?nèi)绱嗣利?，男人才會愛我們。上帝使我們?nèi)绱擞薮?，我們才會嫁給他們。”

　　英語爆笑笑話二：Only One Eye to Settle On

　　The girl found the go-between and said, "You cheated me ! One of his eyes is not true. Why didn't you tell me this before ?"

　　"I have told you. " said the go-between with justice on his side, When you met first, I told you that he settled on you with one eye.

　　姑娘找到媒人，說：“你欺騙了我。他的一只眼是假眼，你以前為什么不告訴我?” “怎么沒告訴你?”媒人也不甘示弱，“你們第一回見面后，我就說，他一眼就看中你了。”

　　英語爆笑笑話三：You May Select可以選擇

　　The husband complained that his wife always cooked the same dish.

　　One day, the husband got home and asked his wife, "My dear, what will we eat today?"

　　The wife said, "You may select the dish today."

　　The husband was very glad and asked, "Which dishes are there today?"

　　"Cabbage."

　　"The others?"

　　"None."

　　"Then how to select?"

　　"Eat or not eat!" the wife said.

　　丈夫抱怨妻子總是做同樣的一種菜。

　　一天，丈夫回到家，問妻子：“親愛的，今天我們吃啥菜?”

　　妻子回答：“今天你可以選擇。” 丈夫感到非常高興，又問：“都有哪些菜呢?”

　　“炒白菜。”

　　“還有呢?”

　　“沒了。”

　　“那你要我怎么選呢?”

　　“吃還是不吃!”妻子一本正經(jīng)地說道。

　　英語爆笑笑話四：腦移植 A Brain Transplant

　　The Brain Surgeon was about to perform a brain transplant.

　　"You have your choice of two brains," he told the patient, "For 00 you can have the brain of a psychologist, or for ,000 you can have the brain of a politician."

　　The patient was amazed at the huge difference in price. "Is the brain of a politician that much better?" he asked.

　　The Brain Surgeon replied, "No, it’s not better, just unused."

　　一個外科醫(yī)生正要作一個腦移植手術。

　　“你可以從兩個腦子中選一個給你。”醫(yī)生告訴病人，“一個心理學家的大腦1000美元，一個政治家的大腦10000美元。

　　病人很驚訝二者之間這樣大的差別，“政治家的大腦好一些嗎?”他問。

　　醫(yī)生說：“不是好一些，只是沒有用過。”

　　英語爆笑笑話五：最丑的孩子

　　A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."

　　一位女士抱著她的寶寶上公交車，司機看到后說：“額，那是我這輩子見過的最丑的小孩。”

　　The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me." The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."

　　女士走到車廂后面坐下，感到很憤怒。她對旁邊的男士說：“司機剛剛羞辱了我。”男士回應說：“你快上去斥責他。去吧，我替你抱著你的猴子。”

　　英語爆笑笑話六：我娶了你的姐妹

　　A woman whose husband often came home drunk decided to cure him of the habit. One Halloween night, she put on a devil suit and hid behind a tree to intercept him on the way home.

　　一位婦人發(fā)現(xiàn)丈夫回家的時候總是爛醉如泥，她決定為丈夫治好這個毛病。一個萬圣節(jié)夜里，她穿上一套魔鬼戲服，躲在樹后，準備在丈夫返家時攔截他的去路。

　　When her husband came by, she jumped out and stood before him with her red horns, long tail, and pitchfork.

　　當丈夫走近時，她從樹后跳出來，站到他面前，頭上帶著紅色的羊角、身后有長長的尾巴，手中握著鋼叉。

　　"Who are you?" he asked.

　　“你是誰?”丈夫問到。

　　"I'm the Devil!" she responded.

　　“我是魔鬼!”她回答到。

　　"Well, come on home with me," he said, "I married your sister!"

　　“噢，那你跟我一起回家吧，”丈夫說，“我娶了你的姐妹!”