英語(yǔ)笑話是指以一句英文短語(yǔ)或一個(gè)英文故事讓說(shuō)話者和聽(tīng)者之間覺(jué)得好笑，或是產(chǎn)生幽默感，笑話是一種經(jīng)過(guò)藝術(shù)加工的語(yǔ)言形式,是藝術(shù)化的語(yǔ)言。下面是學(xué)習(xí)啦小編整理的英語(yǔ)爆笑笑話，歡迎大家閱讀!

　　英語(yǔ)爆笑笑話篇一：她要買(mǎi)什么

　　A store manager heard a clerk tell a customer. No, ma’am, we haven't had any for a while, and it doesn't look as if we'll be getting soon.Horrified, the manager came runningover to the customer and said, Of course, we'll have somesoon, We placed an order last week. Then the manager drew the clerk aside: Never, never, never say we are out of anything say we've got it on order and it's coming.Now what was it she wanted? Rain, said the clerk.

　　一個(gè)商店經(jīng)理聽(tīng)見(jiàn)一個(gè)店員對(duì)顧客說(shuō)：不，夫人，這會(huì)兒沒(méi)有，一時(shí)半會(huì)兒看來(lái)也不會(huì)有。經(jīng)理驚恐萬(wàn)分地跑到顧客跟前說(shuō)：當(dāng)然，馬上就會(huì)有的。我們上周訂了貨。然后經(jīng)理把店員拉到一邊：千萬(wàn)，千萬(wàn)，千萬(wàn)不要說(shuō)我們沒(méi)有什么，說(shuō)我們已經(jīng)訂了貨，貨馬上就到。現(xiàn)在你說(shuō)她要買(mǎi)什么? 雨，店員說(shuō)。

　　英語(yǔ)爆笑笑話篇二：現(xiàn)在幾點(diǎn)了

　　The two boys were camping in the backyard. When they couldn't figure out what time it was, the first boy said to the second, "Start singing very loud."

　　"How will that help?" said the second boy.

　　"Just do it," insisted the first.

　　Both boys broke into song, singing at the top of their lungs. Moments later, a neighbor threw open her window and shouted, "Keep it down! Don't you know it's three o'clock in the morning?"

　　兩個(gè)男孩子在后院露營(yíng)，他們不知道到了晚上幾點(diǎn)鐘。于是，一個(gè)男孩對(duì)另外一個(gè)說(shuō)：“我們開(kāi)始大聲唱歌就行了。”

　　“那就會(huì)知道時(shí)間嗎?”第二個(gè)男孩問(wèn)。

　　“只管唱吧。”第一個(gè)堅(jiān)持道。

　　兩個(gè)孩子開(kāi)始大聲唱歌，過(guò)了一會(huì)兒，一個(gè)鄰居打開(kāi)窗戶喊道：“小聲點(diǎn)!你們不知道現(xiàn)在是凌晨三點(diǎn)嗎?”

　　英語(yǔ)爆笑笑話篇三：是我把他晾干

　　Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while they were walking by the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.

　　When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act he immediately reviewed her file and called her into his office.

　　"Mary, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses. The bad news is Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom，he's dead."

　　Mary replied, "He didn't hang himself, I hung him up to dry."

　　Jim和Mary都是精神病院里的病人。一天，他們沿著醫(yī)院的游泳池散步，Jim突然跳入泳池的深水區(qū)，他沉到了底部。Mary立刻跳下去救他，她潛到水底，把Jim拉了上來(lái)。

　　當(dāng)院長(zhǎng)聽(tīng)聞了Mary的英勇行為后，他立刻翻看了她的病歷檔案,把她叫進(jìn)了自己的辦公室.

　　“Mary，我有一個(gè)好消息和一個(gè)壞消息要告訴你。好消息是你能跳入水中救其他病人，這說(shuō)明你的意識(shí)已經(jīng)恢復(fù)了，你可以出院了。壞消息就是，Jim，你救的那個(gè)病人，他還是用自己的浴袍帶子在浴室上吊自殺了。”

　　Mary說(shuō)：“他沒(méi)有自殺，是我把他吊起來(lái)好讓他晾干。”

　　英語(yǔ)爆笑笑話篇四：

　　老公家是內(nèi)蒙古農(nóng)村的，有一對(duì)外國(guó)老夫婦到這里住了下來(lái)。

　　因?yàn)榇謇锏娜藷o(wú)法和他們交流，老夫婦很寂寞，就養(yǎng)了一只貓。一天早上，老夫婦正梳理貓毛，一個(gè)人從旁邊過(guò)來(lái)，沖著倆人說(shuō)“鼓搗貓呢”。夫婦倆隨即沖著來(lái)人說(shuō)：“Good morning.”

　　傍晚時(shí)分，二人正在把晾在外邊的衣服收起來(lái)，路過(guò)的一個(gè)村民沖著他們說(shuō)：“鼓搗衣服呢!”二人這回反應(yīng)很快說(shuō)：“Good evening.”

　　私下里老夫婦倆感嘆，合著他們這里的人都會(huì)說(shuō)英語(yǔ)呀!

　　英語(yǔ)爆笑笑話篇五：

　　某次英文考試有兩道題目：

　　1)我穿上外套，卻發(fā)現(xiàn)第一個(gè)扣子掉了。

　　2)他聽(tīng)見(jiàn)電話鈴響，就過(guò)去接了電話。

　　正確答案應(yīng)為：

　　1)I put on my coat and found its first button was gone.

　　2)As soon as he heard the phone ringing, he went to pick it up.

　　但是某生的答案是：

　　1)Shit!

　　2)Hello?

　　英語(yǔ)爆笑笑話篇六：

　　老師在黑板上寫(xiě)了一句：Time is money，并讓同學(xué)們翻譯。

　　有名學(xué)生答道：“湯姆是瑪麗。”

　　小明上英文課時(shí)跟老師說(shuō)：May I go to the toilet?

　　老師說(shuō)：Go ahead.

　　小明就坐了下來(lái)。過(guò)了一會(huì)兒，小明又跟老師說(shuō)：May I go to the toilet?

　　老師說(shuō)：Go ahead.

　　小明又坐了下來(lái)。他旁邊的同學(xué)于是忍不住問(wèn)：你不是跟老師說(shuō)要上廁所嗎?怎么不去?

　　小明說(shuō)：你沒(méi)聽(tīng)老師說(shuō)「去你個(gè)頭」啊!

　　英語(yǔ)爆笑笑話篇七：

　　某日劉洪濤遇到外賓，上前搭話曰：I am hongtao liu.

　　外賓曰：我他媽還是方片七呢!

　　江青會(huì)見(jiàn)外賓，要求翻譯要嚴(yán)格按她的意思翻，不許走樣。

　　外賓一見(jiàn)到江青，立刻拍馬屁道："Miss Jiang, you are very beautiful."

　　翻譯照翻，江青心花怒放，嘴上還要謙虛一下：“哪里，哪里”。

　　翻譯不敢怠慢，把江青的話翻成英文："Where? Where?"

　　外賓一愣，還有這樣的人，追問(wèn)哪里漂亮的，干脆馬屁拍到底："Everywhere, everywhere."

　　翻譯：“你到處都很漂亮。”

　　江青更高興了，但總是要客氣一下：“不見(jiàn)得，不見(jiàn)得”。

　　翻譯趕緊翻成英文："You are not allowed to see, you are not allowed to see."

　　英語(yǔ)爆笑笑話篇八：

　　一對(duì)熱戀中的男女。女生非常沒(méi)有安全感，于是對(duì)著男友說(shuō)：“SAY ‘I LOVE YOU!!’SAY IT! SAY IT! SAY IT!”

　　男的答道：“IT!”

　　英語(yǔ)爆笑笑話篇九：

　　某人刻苦學(xué)習(xí)英語(yǔ)，終有小成。一日上街不慎與一老外相撞，

　　忙說(shuō)：I am sorry.

　　老外應(yīng)道：I am sorry too.

　　某人聽(tīng)后又道：I am sorry three.

　　老外不解，問(wèn)：What are you sorry for?

　　某人無(wú)奈，道：I am sorry five.

　　英語(yǔ)爆笑笑話篇十：

　　某男，亦粗通英文，至使館，有表要填，有一欄是：Sex，該男思之久已，毅然下筆：“Once a week”。

　　簽證官觀后暴笑，曰：“This item should be filled in with male or female.”

　　該男頓時(shí)赧顏，思之，填下“female”，官楞之，曰：“shouldn’t it be male?”

　　男急釋曰：“I am a normal man, so I have sex with female.

　　英語(yǔ)爆笑笑話篇十一：

　　上初一的時(shí)候，英語(yǔ)老師讓我們讀課文，恰好是一段對(duì)話，于是叫了一男一女兩個(gè)同學(xué)來(lái)讀。

　　男：What time is it now?

　　女：It's nine.

　　男：Let's go to bed.

　　女：We go to bed at nine.

　　全班絕倒。

　　英語(yǔ)爆笑笑話篇十二：

　　一天，我準(zhǔn)備坐車(chē)去學(xué)校，正在路上走著，一輛車(chē)快速?gòu)奈颐媲按┻^(guò)，并且撞到一位正在觀光的日本人。當(dāng)然情況很是嚇人，路邊的好心人立刻沖上前去問(wèn)道：“How are you?”

　　日本人上氣不接下氣的回答：“F..ine,th..ank you...and you?”

　　圍觀的人頓時(shí)愣住。。。由此可知日本人的英文是死記硬背的