英語幽默笑話集

　　下面是學(xué)習(xí)啦小編整理的英語幽默笑話集，歡迎大家閱讀!

　　英語幽默笑話：TOM'S EXCUSE

　　Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day?

　　Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go Slow".

　　湯姆的借口

　　老師：湯姆，您為什么每天上學(xué)遲到?

　　湯姆：我每次路過拐角，一個(gè)路標(biāo)上面寫著："學(xué)校----慢行。"

　　英語幽默笑話：DID YOUR DAD HELP YOU?

　　One day, Tim's mathematics teacher looked at his homework and

　　saw that he had got all his sums right. The teacher was very

　　pleased-and rather surprised. He called Tim to his desk and

　　said to him, "You got all your homework right this time, Tim.

　　What happened? Did your father help you?"

　　"No, sir. He was too busy last night, so I had to do it all　myself," said Tim.

　　你爸爸幫你了嗎?

　　一天，蒂姆的數(shù)學(xué)老師看了他的作業(yè)，發(fā)現(xiàn)他全做對了。老師很高興

　　，同時(shí)也十分驚訝。他把蒂姆叫到桌前說："蒂姆，你這次的作業(yè)全都

　　做對了，怎么回事?你爸爸幫你做了嗎?"

　　"不，先生，我爸爸昨天很忙，我不得不全由自己做了。"

　　英語幽默笑話：

　　Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish!"

　　and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)!"

　　湯姆對著吉姆罵道:"我受不了你這個(gè)苯蛋了!"

　　吉姆說:"你媽媽能!"

　　附:bear 有兩重意思:"生"和"忍受"這個(gè)笑話正是根據(jù)這點(diǎn).

　　Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish!"

　　and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)!"

　　湯姆對著吉姆罵道:"我受不了你這個(gè)苯蛋了!"

　　吉姆說:"你媽媽能!"

　　附:bear 有兩重意思:"生"和"忍受"這個(gè)笑話正是根據(jù)這點(diǎn).

　　英語幽默笑話：

　　Peace and love for you at Christmas from all your students.

　　祝老師圣誕節(jié)充滿平安和愛。

　　Wishing you a sparkling Christmas and bright happy New Year!

　　May the season bring much pleasure to you.

　　愿你的圣誕光彩奪目，愿你的新年?duì)N爛輝煌!佳節(jié)快樂!

　　Wishing you all the blessings of a beautiful Christmas

　　season.

　　愿你擁有圣誕節(jié)所有美好的祝福。

　　Wishing you all the happiness of the holiday season.

　　祝節(jié)日幸福如意。

　　Hope all your Christmas dreams come true!

　　愿你所有的圣誕夢想都成真!

　　英語幽默笑話：三人同舟

　　Three men were sitting on a park bench. The one in the middle was reading a newspaper; the others were pretending to fish. They baited imaginary hooks, cast lines and reeled in their catch.

　　A passing policeman stopped to watch the spectacle and asked the man in the middle if he knew the other two.

　　"Oh yes, " he said. "They are my friends.

　　"In that case, " warned the officer, "you'd better get them out of here!"

　　"Yes, sir, " the man replied, and he began rowing furiously.

　　三位男子在公園的長椅上坐著。中間的一個(gè)在讀報(bào)紙，另外兩個(gè)在假裝釣魚。他們給想象的魚鉤上魚餌，放線，并卷線把魚抓上來。

　　一位過路警察駐足觀察了這個(gè)景象，他問中間的那個(gè)男子是否認(rèn)識其他兩位。

　　“喔，認(rèn)識，”他說，“他們是我的朋友。”

　　“那樣的話，”警察告誡說，“你最好把他們從這里弄走。”

　　“好的，警官。”那男子回答說，接著就開始瘋狂般地做起劃槳的動(dòng)作來。

　　英語幽默笑話：As If Awakening From A Dream

　　A competition which subject is on giving up drinking is proceeding. One of lecturers says excitedly, " Alcohol can break down conjugal(婚姻的) relation, even cause your wife to leave you… "

　　A man shouts out at the news, "Give me another bottle of Brandy."

　　以戒酒為主題的演講比賽正在進(jìn)行，一個(gè)演講者動(dòng)情地說：“酒精可以破壞夫妻關(guān)系，甚至導(dǎo)致妻子離開自己的丈夫……”

　　這時(shí)一個(gè)男人大聲喊：“再來一瓶白蘭地!”

　　英語幽默笑話：離婚

　　A husband and wife,both 91,stood before a judge,asking for a divorce."I don't understand,"He said,"Why do you want a divorce at this time of life?"

　　the husband explained "Well , you see,We wanted to wait until the children died."

　　有一個(gè)丈夫和妻子都是91歲，他們站在法官面前，要求離婚。“我不明白，”法官說，“你們?yōu)槭裁吹搅诉@把年紀(jì)還要離婚?”

　　丈夫解釋道：“嗯，你是知道的，我們以前是喲等到孩子們都死了。”

　　英語幽默笑話：A Man Who Said No 說不的男子

　　A friend of mine noticed a man staggering about in the Times Square subway station. A well-dressed Wall Street type, his coat was unbuttoned, a briefcase dangled from his hand and he'd obviously had one too many.

　　Asked if he was all right, the man gave a slurred but affirmative response. However, my friend simply could not see someone brave the rough maw of a New York subway without trying to help. He followed the chap, and again asked, "Are you sure you're all right? What subway are you looking for? Do you need help getting home?"

　　At last, the object of his attentions snarled, in a low voice, "Leave me alone! I'm an undercover cop!"

　　我的一位朋友看到一個(gè)男子在時(shí)代廣場的地鐵車站搖搖晃晃地走。那個(gè)人穿著時(shí)髦，敞著懷，一個(gè)手提箱在他的手里懸吊著，很明顯他是多喝了一杯。

　　我朋友問他怎么樣，那男子含糊而肯定地回答說沒問題。然而我朋友就是不能眼看著有人在紐約地鐵獨(dú)入是非之地而置之不顧。他跟在那家伙的后面，又一次問道：“你肯定你沒事?你在找哪個(gè)地鐵站?你需要幫忙回家嗎?”

　　他所注意的對象終于忍耐不住了，對他低聲咆哮道：“你給我走開!我是便衣警察!”