下面是學(xué)習(xí)啦小編整理的英語(yǔ)幽默笑話(huà)短，希望對(duì)大家有幫助。

　　英語(yǔ)幽默笑話(huà)短：理發(fā)師

　　Harry: "My big brother shaves every day."

　　哈里：“我哥哥每天都刮臉。”

　　Henry: "My brother shaves fifty times a day."

　　亨利：“我哥哥每天刮50次臉。”

　　Harry: "Is he crazy?"

　　哈里：“他瘋了嗎?”

　　Henry: "No, he's a barber."

　　亨利：“沒(méi)有，他是一名理發(fā)師。”

　　英語(yǔ)幽默笑話(huà)短：年少無(wú)知

　　Jimmy is three years old.

　　吉米3歲了。

　　One day, he was gazing out of the window when the night fell. He suddenly shouted, "Mum, mum, come close the window!"

　　一天，他正在窗口觀望，夜幕降臨。他突然喊道：“媽媽?zhuān)瑡寢專(zhuān)靵?lái)關(guān)窗!”

　　"Why? It's not cold, sonny."

　　“為什么?天不冷呀，寶貝。”

　　"Yes, mum, but the night will come inside."

　　“是的，媽媽?zhuān)珊谝箷?huì)進(jìn)來(lái)。”

　　英語(yǔ)幽默笑話(huà)短：快速靠岸

　　A guy I know was towing his boat home from a fishing trip to Lake Huron when his car broke down. He didn't have his cell phone with him, but he thought maybe he might be able to raise someone on his marine radio to call for roadside assistance. He climbed into his boat, clicked on the radio and said, "Mayday, mayday." A Coast Guard officer came on and said, "State your location." "I-75, two miles south of Standish." After a very long pause, the officer asked, "How fast were you going when you reached shore?"

　　在休倫湖釣完魚(yú)后，我的一個(gè)朋友開(kāi)車(chē)拖著他的船回家。路上車(chē)壞了。 他沒(méi)帶手機(jī)，不過(guò)，他想，也許他可以通過(guò)海事無(wú)線廣播來(lái)請(qǐng)求公路援助。 于是，他爬到他的船里面，啟動(dòng)了無(wú)線裝置，喊道，“求救，求救”。一名海岸護(hù)衛(wèi)隊(duì)警官作出了回應(yīng)，“報(bào)告你的位置”。“I-75號(hào)公路，Standish的南面兩英里”。沉默了好一會(huì)之后，警官問(wèn)我的朋友，“你的船靠岸時(shí)開(kāi)得有多快?”

　　英語(yǔ)幽默笑話(huà)短：冰箱里的小兔子

　　A lady opened her refrigerator and saw a rabbit sitting on one of the shelves, "What are you doing in there?" she asked.

　　一位女士打開(kāi)冰箱門(mén)，發(fā)現(xiàn)一只兔子坐在其中的一層隔板上，就問(wèn)它：“你在那里做什么?”

　　The rabbit replied, "This is a Westinghouse, isn't it?"

　　兔子回答：“這是Westinghouse對(duì)不對(duì)?”(Westinghouse，西屋電氣公司)

　　The lady confirmed, "Yes."

　　女士確認(rèn)道：“沒(méi)錯(cuò)。”

　　"Well," the rabbit said,"I'm westing."

　　兔子說(shuō)：“那就對(duì)了，我就是要往西邊去。”

　　Rabbit: Are you sure this bottle of special carrot juice will cure me?

　　兔子：你確信這瓶特制胡蘿卜汁能治好我的病?

　　Doctor: Absolutely. No rabbit ever came back for another.

　　醫(yī)生：當(dāng)然咯，凡是喝過(guò)的兔子沒(méi)有一只來(lái)要第二瓶的。

　　Baby Rabbit: Mommy, where did I come from?

　　兔寶寶：媽咪，我是從哪兒來(lái)的呢?

　　Mother Rabbit: I'll tell you when you're older.

　　兔媽媽?zhuān)旱饶汩L(zhǎng)大點(diǎn)再告訴你。

　　Baby Rabbit: Oh, Mommy, please, tell me now.

　　兔寶寶：噢媽咪，現(xiàn)在就告訴我吧，求您了。

　　Mother Rabbit: If you must know, you were pulled from a magician's hat.

　　兔媽媽?zhuān)喝绻阋欢ㄒ?，那我告訴你你是從魔術(shù)師的帽子里被拽出來(lái)的。

　　英語(yǔ)幽默笑話(huà)短：我們分享一切

　　An elderly couple goes to Burger King, where they carefully split a burger and fries.

　　一對(duì)老夫婦在漢堡王餐廳吃飯，他們小心翼翼地將漢堡和薯?xiàng)l分成兩份。

　　A trucker takes pity on them and offers to buy the wife her own meal.

　　一個(gè)卡車(chē)司機(jī)非常同情他們，就提議想給老太太單獨(dú)點(diǎn)一份。

　　"It's all right," says the husband. "We share everything."

　　“沒(méi)關(guān)系的。”老先生說(shuō)，“我們分享一切。”

　　A few minutes later, the trucker notices that the wife hasn't taken a bite.

　　幾分鐘后，卡車(chē)司機(jī)注意到老太太還沒(méi)動(dòng)口吃一點(diǎn)東西。

　　"I really wouldn't mind buying your wife her own meal," he insists.

　　他再次對(duì)老先生說(shuō)，“我真的不介意請(qǐng)您妻子吃一頓……”

　　"She'll eat," the husband assures him. "We share everything."

　　“她會(huì)吃的，”老先生向他保證，“我們分享一切。”

　　Unconvinced, the trucker implores the wife, "Why aren't you eating?"

　　司機(jī)不太相信，懇求老太太，“你為什么不吃一點(diǎn)?”

　　The wife snaps, "Because I'm waiting for the teeth!"

　　老太太咂咂嘴，“我在等他的假牙。”

　　英語(yǔ)幽默笑話(huà)短：I Am Going to Shop 我要去購(gòu)物啦

　　“Cash, check or charge?” I asked after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.

　　我?guī)蛠?lái)購(gòu)物的女士包好東西后，問(wèn)道：“是付現(xiàn)金、支票還是記賬呢?” 當(dāng)她找錢(qián)包的時(shí)候，我注意到她的包包里竟放著一個(gè)電視遙控器。

　　“Do you always carry your TV remote?” I asked.

　　我問(wèn)：“你一直都隨身帶電視遙控器的嗎?”

　　“No,” she replied. “But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him.”

　　她回答說(shuō)：“不是啦。但我老公不樂(lè)意跟我一起來(lái)購(gòu)物，所以我決定拿走他的遙控器來(lái)懲罰他。”

　　英語(yǔ)幽默笑話(huà)短：圣誕老人的愛(ài)好

　　What does Santa Claus like to do in his garden?

　　Answer: he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe.

　　圣誕老人喜歡在花園里做什么?

　　答案：鋤地。(英文里Hoe 和ho同音。hoe是鋤草之意，ho則是圣誕老人的笑聲。)

　　英語(yǔ)幽默笑話(huà)短：鉛筆

　　What do you do if one of Santa’s reindeer swallows your pencil?

　　Answer: use a pen.

　　若圣誕老人的馴鹿吃掉你的鉛筆該怎么辦?

　　答案：用原子筆

　　英語(yǔ)幽默笑話(huà)短：1000元的腦筋急轉(zhuǎn)彎

　　On Christmas Eve Santa Claus met an honest politician and a kind lawyer while riding up in an elevator of a very exclusive hotel.

　　Just before the doors opened the three of them noticed a 1000NT bill lying on the floor. Which one of them do you think picked it up?

　　圣誕節(jié)前夕，圣誕老人和一清廉的政治人物，以及一心地善良的律師在一家高級(jí)飯店一同等電梯，門(mén)還未開(kāi)前，三人同時(shí)看到地上有一張新臺(tái)幣1000元的鈔票，猜猜誰(shuí)會(huì)將它撿起?

　　Answer: Santa of course! Why? Because everybody knows that the other two don’t exist!

　　答案：當(dāng)然是圣誕老人啦!為什么?因?yàn)榇蠹叶贾懒硗鈨烧卟⒉淮嬖凇?/p>

　　英語(yǔ)幽默笑話(huà)短：法官與小偷

　　It was the Christmas season and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner,

　　“What is your offense?”

　　“I did my Christmas shopping early this year,” cried the prisoner.

　　“There’s nothing wrong with that,” said the Judge. “How early were you doing this shopping?”

　　“Before the store opened,” answered the prisoner

　　圣誕佳節(jié)到來(lái)，法官心情愉悅的問(wèn)受刑人：

　　“你做了什么壞事啊?”

　　“我今年圣誕節(jié)購(gòu)物早了些。”犯人回答。

　　“那并不事件壞事”，法官說(shuō)：“到底多早之前啊?”

　　“商店開(kāi)門(mén)之前。”犯人答道。

　　英語(yǔ)幽默笑話(huà)短：The Three Stages of Man男性成長(zhǎng)三階段

　　He believes in Santa Claus.

　　He doesn’t believe in Santa Claus.

　　He is Santa Claus!

　　相信圣誕老人的存在。

　　不相信圣誕老人的存在。

　　自己是個(gè)圣誕老人!

　　英語(yǔ)幽默笑話(huà)短：Motivation 動(dòng)機(jī)

　　MY ENGLISH PROFESSOR once launched into a lecture on "motivation." "What pushes you ahead?" he asked. "What is it that makes you go to school each day? What driving force makes you strive to accomplish?" Turning suddenly to one young woman, he demanded: "What makes you get out of bed in the morning?" The student replied: "My mother."

　　我們英文課的教授有一次在課上講“動(dòng)機(jī)”。“是什么推動(dòng)你在人生的路上向前走?”他問(wèn)道，“是什么讓你每天上學(xué)來(lái)?又是什么驅(qū)使你追求成功?”沖著一個(gè)女學(xué)生，他問(wèn)：“是什么讓你早晨從床上爬起來(lái)的呢?”學(xué)生答道：“我媽媽。”