下面是學(xué)習(xí)啦小編整理的英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典幽默笑話，歡迎大家閱讀!

　　英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典幽默笑話：怕老婆的丈夫

　　The ruler of an ancient kingdom wanted to disprove the statement that the men of his domain were ruled by their wives.He had all the males in his kingdom brought before him and warned that any man who did not tell the truth would be punished severely. Then he asked all the men who obeyed their wives' directions and counsel to step to the left side of the hall. All the men did so but one little man who moved to the right. “It's good to see，”said the king，“that we have one real man in the kingdom.Tell these chickenhearted dunces why you alone among them stand on the right side of the hall.” “Your Majesty，”came the reply in a squealing voice，“it is because before I left home my wife told me to keep out of crowds.”

　　古代有一個(gè)國(guó)王，他想證明他領(lǐng)土內(nèi)的男人并非像人們傳說(shuō)的那樣，受到老婆的管制。他把王國(guó)里所有的男人都召到跟前，警告說(shuō)，哪個(gè)男人膽敢不說(shuō)實(shí)話，就會(huì)受到嚴(yán)厲的懲罰。然后，他叫所有聽(tīng)從妻子的命令和意見(jiàn)的男人都走向大廳的左側(cè)。所有的男人都站到了左側(cè)，只有一個(gè)小個(gè)子男人站到了右側(cè)。國(guó)王說(shuō)：“看到我們國(guó)家里還有一個(gè)真正的男子漢，真是令人高興。告訴這些膽小的笨蛋，為什么在他們當(dāng)中只有你一個(gè)人站在大廳的右側(cè)。” “陛下，”那人尖聲地回答：“因?yàn)樵谖页鲩T(mén)之前，我老婆告訴我不要扎堆。”

　　英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典幽默笑話：睡前禱告詞

　　Julie was saying her bedtime prayers. "Please God," she said, "Make Naples the capital of Italy. Make Naples the capital of Italy."

　　Her mother interrupted and said, "Julie, why do you want God to make Naples the capital of Italy?"

　　And Julie replied, "Because that's what I put in my geography exam!"

　　朱莉葉在做睡前禱告。“禱告上帝，”她說(shuō)，“讓那不勒斯成為意大利的首都吧。讓那不勒斯成為意大利的首都吧。”

　　媽媽打斷她說(shuō)：“朱莉葉，你為什么求上帝讓那不勒斯成為意大利的首都呢?”

　　朱莉葉回答說(shuō)：“因?yàn)槲以诘乩砜季砩鲜沁@么寫(xiě)的。”

　　英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典幽默笑話：幾月走的

　　When Jack bowed to someone, he always did it at lightening speed. You shouldn't wait any longer after he has had his head nod. So he was blamed for no manners. Then some warmhearted men taught him, "When you bow to somebody next time, you can count 'January, February, March. until December. Then you can lift your body up. Thus, the ceremony will be perfect.

　　The next day, he met his uncle, he did as the men told him. The bow was so long that it made his uncle feel surprised and escaped away soon . When Jack looked up, he found his uncle gone . So he asked the passer, "Which month did he go away?"

　　杰克給人鞠躬，飛快地一點(diǎn)頭，就算完了。大家都怪他不懂禮貌。于是便有好心的人教他說(shuō)，“下次鞠躬的時(shí)候，你就在心里數(shù)：正月、二月、……一直數(shù)到十二月為止，然后再直起身來(lái)。這樣，禮節(jié)就周全了。”

　　第二天，杰克見(jiàn)到他的叔叔，他便如法炮制。這躬鞠得太久，叔叔吃了一驚，趕緊逃開(kāi)了。杰克抬頭一看，其叔早已不知去向，他便問(wèn)過(guò)路人：“我叔叔幾月走的?”

　　英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典幽默笑話：the important of a second language

　　A cat and her four kittens ran into a large dog. When the kittens cowered, the cat let out a series of loud barks, scaring the dog away.

　　Turning to her kittens, the cat said, "You see how important it is to know a second language."

　　一天，一只貓媽媽領(lǐng)著4只小貓?jiān)诼飞献撸瑓s遇到了一只大狗。小貓們嚇的蜷縮成了一團(tuán)，這時(shí)貓媽媽吼出了一連串的汪汪聲，大狗被嚇跑了。貓媽媽轉(zhuǎn)過(guò)身來(lái)對(duì)幾個(gè)小貓說(shuō)，“孩子們，看看掌握一門(mén)外語(yǔ)是多么的重要呀!”

　　英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典幽默笑話：Easy or Not

　　Pulling alongside our drive-up bank window, a woman was not happy with her position. So she backed up and pulled closer. Still not satisfied, she backed away and tried again. After five attempts, she finally parked the car and rolled down her window. I greeted her with a simple "Good morning".

　　"Good morning," she replied cheerfully. "I'm going to have to use this drive-up all the time. It's so easy!"

　　一位婦女把車沿著我們銀行的驅(qū)車直達(dá)窗口開(kāi)過(guò)來(lái)，可她并不滿意于她停的位置。因此她倒車，靠得更近點(diǎn)。還是不滿意，倒車，再來(lái)。五次努力后，終于她把車停下來(lái)，搖下車窗。我簡(jiǎn)單地問(wèn)候她一聲“早上好”。

　　“早上好，”她愉快地回答說(shuō)，“以后我都要使用這種驅(qū)車直達(dá)窗口。真是如此的方便。”

　　英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典幽默笑話：假如我是一個(gè)經(jīng)理

　　One day in class, the teacher assigned his students to write a composition – If I Am a Manager.All the students began to write except a boy. The teacher went to him and asked the reason.I am waiting for my secretary, was the boy’s answer.

　　一天課上，老師要同學(xué)們以如果我是一個(gè)經(jīng)理為題寫(xiě)一篇作文。所有的學(xué)生都在動(dòng)筆寫(xiě)了，只有一個(gè)男生例外。老師走過(guò)去問(wèn)他為什么不寫(xiě)。我在等我的秘書(shū)。那孩子答道。

　　英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典幽默笑話：A Life for a Life(以“命”抵命)

　　The English author，Richard Savage，was once living in London in great poverty.In order to earn a little money he hadwritten the story of his life，but not many copies of the bookhad been sold in the shops，and Savage was living from hand tomouth.As a result of his lack of food he became very ill，butafter a time，owing to the skill of the doctor who had lookedafter him，he got well again.After a week or two the doctorsent a bill to Savage for his visits， but poor Savage hadn't anymoney and couldn't pay it.The doctor waited for another month and sent the bill again. But still no money came. Afterseveral weeks he sent it to him again asking for his money.Inthe end he came to Savage's house and asked him for payment，saying to Savage，“You know you owe your life to me and Iexpected some gratitude from you.” “I agree，” said Savage，“that I owe my life to you， and toprove to you that I am not ungrateful for your work I will givemy life to you.”With these words he handed to him two volumes entitled，The life of Richard Savage.

　　英國(guó)作家理查德·薩維奇一度在倫敦過(guò)著貧困潦倒的生活，為了賺幾個(gè)錢(qián)，他曾寫(xiě)了有關(guān)他自己生平的故事。但是這部書(shū)在書(shū)店里并沒(méi)有賣(mài)出幾本，薩維奇過(guò)著朝不保夕的日子。由于缺乏食物，他病得很厲害。后來(lái)，由于給他治療的那個(gè)醫(yī)生的高明醫(yī)術(shù)，他才又恢復(fù)了健康。過(guò)了一兩個(gè)星期之后，醫(yī)生給薩維奇送來(lái)了一張討要診費(fèi)的帳單，但是貧窮的薩維奇沒(méi)有錢(qián)來(lái)償付。醫(yī)生等了一個(gè)月后又送來(lái)了帳單，但仍然未索回分文。幾個(gè)星期之后，他又送來(lái)帳單要錢(qián)。最后，醫(yī)生本人來(lái)到了薩維奇的家中，對(duì)他說(shuō)：“你明白，你是欠我一條命的，我希望你有所報(bào)答。” “是的，”薩維奇說(shuō)，“我是欠你一條命，為了向你證明我對(duì)你的診治不是不報(bào)答，我將把我的命給你。” 說(shuō)著這番話，薩維奇遞給醫(yī)生兩卷書(shū)，名叫《理查德·薩維奇的一生》。

　　英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典幽默笑話：What Was It She Wanted?

　　A store manager heard a clerk tell a customer.“No，ma’am， we haven't had any for a while， and it doesn't look asif we'll be getting soon.” Horrified，the manager came runningover to the customer and said，“Of course， we'll have somesoon， We placed an order last week.” Then the manager drewthe clerk aside：“Never， never， never say we are out of anything—say we've got it on order and it's coming. Now whatwas it she wanted?” “Rain.” said the clerk.

　　一個(gè)商店經(jīng)理聽(tīng)見(jiàn)一個(gè)店員對(duì)顧客說(shuō)：“不，夫人，這會(huì)兒沒(méi)有，一時(shí)半會(huì)兒看來(lái)也不會(huì)有。”經(jīng)理驚恐萬(wàn)分地跑到顧客跟前說(shuō)：“當(dāng)然，馬上就會(huì)有的。我們上周訂了貨。”然后經(jīng)理把店員拉到一邊：“千萬(wàn)，千萬(wàn)，千萬(wàn)不要說(shuō)我們沒(méi)有什么——說(shuō)我們已經(jīng)訂了貨，貨馬上就到?，F(xiàn)在你說(shuō)她要買(mǎi)什么?” “雨，”店員說(shuō)。

　　英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典幽默笑話：A preacher is buying a parrot 傳教士買(mǎi)鸚鵡

　　A preacher is buying a parrot

　　Are you sure it doesnt scream, yell, or swear? asked the preacher.

　　Oh absolutely. Its a religious parrot, the storekeeper assures him.

　　Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lords prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm.

　　Wonderful! says the preacher, but what happens if you pull both strings?

　　I fall off my perch, you stupid fool! screeched the parrot.

　　一個(gè)傳教士在買(mǎi)鸚鵡

　　“你確信它不會(huì)尖叫，大叫或詛咒別人嗎?”傳教士問(wèn)。

　　“哦，絕對(duì)不會(huì)。它是一只虔誠(chéng)的鸚鵡。”店主保證說(shuō)。

　　“你看見(jiàn)它腿上的這些細(xì)繩了嗎?當(dāng)你拉動(dòng)右面的這根，它會(huì)背誦天主經(jīng)，當(dāng)你拉動(dòng)左面的那根，它會(huì)背誦贊美詩(shī)”

　　“太棒了!”傳教士說(shuō)，“但是如果我同時(shí)拉動(dòng)兩條繩子，會(huì)發(fā)生什么呢?”

　　“我會(huì)從樹(shù)干上掉下去的，你這個(gè)笨蛋!”鸚鵡尖聲說(shuō)道。

　　英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典幽默笑話：How can I get into heaven 我怎么才能上天堂

　　"If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the poor, would I get into heaven?" I asked the children in my Sunday school class.

　　"No!" the children all answered.

　　"If I cleaned the church everyday, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would I get into heaven?"

　　Again, the answer was, "No!"

　　"Well, " I continued, "then how can I get into heaven?"

　　A five-year-old boy shouted out, "You gotta be dead!"

　　“如果我把房子和車賣(mài)了，在車庫(kù)舉行義賣(mài), 并把所有的錢(qián)給窮人，我能進(jìn)天堂嗎?”我問(wèn)主日學(xué)校的孩子。

　　孩子們齊聲回答：“不能!”

　　“那如果我每天都打掃教堂，給院子的草坪割草，并且把東西都收拾得干凈整潔，我會(huì)上天堂嗎?”

　　回答還是：“不能!”“好吧， ”我繼續(xù)問(wèn), “那我要怎樣才能升天堂呢?”

　　一個(gè)五歲的男孩兒叫道：“你得死了才行!”

　　英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典幽默笑話：I Want Her to go Nuts

　　Mrs. Flinders decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets and a ruby pendant."

　　"But you're not wearing any of those things."

　　"I know," said Mrs. Flinders." It's in case I should die before my husband. I'm sure he'd remarry right away, and I want her to go nuts looking for the jewelry."

　　福林德斯夫人決定讓人給她畫(huà)肖像。她告訴那位肖像畫(huà)家說(shuō)：“畫(huà)我?guī)е@石耳環(huán)、鉆石項(xiàng)鏈、祖母綠手鐲，還有紅寶石垂飾。”

　　“但你現(xiàn)在沒(méi)帶這其中的任何一樣飾品。”

　　“我知道。”福林德斯夫人說(shuō)，“萬(wàn)一我先我丈夫死去，我肯定他會(huì)立刻再婚。我要讓那個(gè)女人為尋找這些珠寶而發(fā)瘋。”

　　英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典幽默笑話：是哪兩個(gè)詞?

　　What Are The Two Words?A very nice old lady had a few words to say to her granddaughter.“My dear，” said the old lady，“I wish you would do something for me.I wish you would promise me never to use two words.One is‘lousy’and the other is‘swell’.Would you promise me that? “Why，sure，Granny，”said the girl.“What are the two words?”

　　一個(gè)非常高貴的老夫人有幾句話要對(duì)她的孫女說(shuō)。“我親愛(ài)的，”老夫人說(shuō)：“我希望你能幫我一個(gè)忙。我要你答應(yīng)永遠(yuǎn)不要用兩個(gè)詞。一個(gè)是‘討厭的’，另一個(gè)是‘極好的’。你能答應(yīng)我嗎?” “噢，當(dāng)然，奶奶。”女孩說(shuō)：“是哪兩個(gè)詞?”