下面是學(xué)習(xí)啦小編整理的爆笑英語(yǔ)笑話，歡迎大家閱讀!

　　爆笑英語(yǔ)笑話：the formula for water

　　An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?""Sure. That's easy," said one man."What is it?""H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O.""What, what?" reasked the instructor."H to O," explained the chemistry expert.

　　生化戰(zhàn)爭(zhēng)課的老師在課堂上問(wèn)士兵們：“誰(shuí)知道水的分子式?”“當(dāng)然，太簡(jiǎn)單了。”一個(gè)士兵回答道。“是什么?”“H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O.”“什么，什么?”老師又問(wèn)道。“H to O，”化學(xué)專(zhuān)家解釋道。

　　爆笑英語(yǔ)笑話：frog 青蛙

　　Frog The science teacher lecturing his class in biology said, "Now I'll show you this frog in my pocket." He then reached into his pocket and pulled out a chicken sandwich. He looked puzzled for a second, thought deeply, and said, "That's funny. I distinctly remember eating my lunch."

　　老師正在給學(xué)生上生物課：“現(xiàn)在，我將要給你們看我袋子里的這只青蛙。”接著，他把手伸進(jìn)口袋，卻拿出了一份雞肉三文治。老師滿臉困惑地看了一眼，沉思了一會(huì)兒，說(shuō)道：“真奇怪。我明明記得我已經(jīng)把午飯吃掉了。”

　　爆笑英語(yǔ)笑話：相親 Blind Date

　　After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave.When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died.""Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!"

　　和盲約對(duì)象呆了一晚上后，男人再也受不了了。他事先安排了個(gè)朋友給他打電話，這樣他就能借故先離開(kāi)了。當(dāng)他回到桌邊，他垂下眼睛，裝出一副陰沉的表情，說(shuō)：“有個(gè)不幸的消息，我的祖父剛剛?cè)ナ懒恕?rdquo;“謝天謝地!”他的約會(huì)對(duì)象說(shuō)，“如果你的祖父不死，我的祖父就得死了!”

　　爆笑英語(yǔ)笑話：Lawyer and Engineer

　　A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer said, "I'm here because my house burned down, and the insurance company paid for everything."

　　"That's quite a coincidence," said the engineer. "I'm here because my house were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything."

　　The lawyer looked somewhat confused. "How do you start a flood?" he asked.

　　一個(gè)律師與一個(gè)工程師在加勒比海邊釣魚(yú)。律師說(shuō)：“我到這里是因?yàn)槲业姆孔颖淮蠡馃耍?a href='http://www.yishupeixun.net/live/cai/baoxian/' target='_blank'>保險(xiǎn)公司賠償了我所有的損失。”

　　“這太巧了，”工程師說(shuō)，“我是因?yàn)榉孔颖缓樗疀_垮了，保險(xiǎn)公司也賠償了所有的損失。”

　　律師看起來(lái)有些困惑，“你是怎么引起洪水的?”他不解的問(wèn)。

　　爆笑英語(yǔ)笑話：預(yù)報(bào)天氣的印第安人

　　The Indian Who Could Foretell the Weather Two men were travelling in a very wild and lonely part of America. For days they had not even seen a house， only a few huts made of wood， or tents made of skins. Then one day they met an old Indian who earned his living by trapping animals for heir fur. They found that he knew their language and they had a little conversation with him. One of them asked him if he could tell them what the weather would be like within the next few days. “Oh yes，”he said.“Rain is coming， and wind.Then there will be snow for two days， but after that there will be bright sunshine.” “Is n't that wonderful?” said one man to his friend.“These old Indians know more of the secrets of Nature than we do with all our science. They have not been spoiled by civilization.” Then he turned to the old Indian. “Tell me，”he said，“how you knew all that.” The Indian replied，“I heard it on the radio.”

　　有兩個(gè)人在美洲一個(gè)非?；臎銎У牡貐^(qū)旅行。好多天來(lái)，他們連所房子也沒(méi)看到，只看見(jiàn)幾個(gè)木棚子和皮帳篷。一天，他們遇到一個(gè)靠獵取獸皮謀生的印第安老人。他們發(fā)現(xiàn)他懂得他們的語(yǔ)言，就和他聊了一會(huì)兒。其中一個(gè)人問(wèn)他，能否告知近幾天的天氣如何。 “哦，行啊”，他說(shuō)。“就要下雨了，還要刮風(fēng)。接著還得下兩天雪。這以后，就是大晴天了。” “這不是太神奇了嗎?”一個(gè)旅行者對(duì)他的朋友說(shuō)。“這些印第安老人深知大自然的秘密，比我們有科學(xué)知識(shí)的人知道的還多。他們并沒(méi)有被現(xiàn)代文明所迷惑。”接著他轉(zhuǎn)向印第安老人： “請(qǐng)問(wèn)，”他說(shuō)，“你是怎么知道這一切的呢?” 印第安老人答道：“我是從無(wú)線電里聽(tīng)來(lái)的。”

　　爆笑英語(yǔ)笑話：A Problem in Arithmetic

　　Bill is a good student and an intelligent boy. He likes to study arithmetic, and he can do all of the arithmetic problems in his book easily.

　　One day on his way to school Bill passed a fruit store. There was a sign in the window which said, "Apple-Six for five cents." An idea came to Bill and he went into the store. "How much are the apples?" he asked the store.

　　"Six for five cents." "But I don't want six apples." "How many apples do you want?" "It is not a question of how many apples I want. It is a problem in arithmetic." "What do you mean by a problem in arithmetic?" asked the man.

　　"Well, if six apples are wroth five cents, then five apples are worth four cents, four apples are worth three cents, three apples are worth rwo cents, two apples are worth one cent and one apple is worth nothing. I only want one apple, and if one apple is worth nothing then it is not necessary for me to pay you."

　　Bill picked out a good apple, began to eat it, and walked happily out of the store. The man looked at the young boy with such surprise that he could not say a word.

　　比爾是一個(gè)好學(xué)生，也是個(gè)聰明的孩子。他喜歡學(xué)數(shù)學(xué)，課本上所有的數(shù)學(xué)問(wèn)題他都能不費(fèi)勁地解答。

　　有一天，在上學(xué)路上，比爾經(jīng)過(guò)一家水果店。該店窗戶上有個(gè)招牌上寫(xiě)著：“蘋(píng)果--五美分六個(gè)。”比爾腦筋一轉(zhuǎn)，進(jìn)了店門(mén)。 “蘋(píng)果怎么賣(mài)?” “五美分六個(gè)。” “但我不想要六個(gè)。” “你想要幾個(gè)?” “這不是我想要幾個(gè)的問(wèn)題。這是個(gè)數(shù)學(xué)問(wèn)題。” “數(shù)學(xué)問(wèn)題?你說(shuō)這話是什么意思?”

　　“你看，如果六個(gè)蘋(píng)果五美分，那么五個(gè)蘋(píng)果四美分，四個(gè)蘋(píng)果三美分，三個(gè)蘋(píng)果二美分，二個(gè)蘋(píng)果一美分，一個(gè)蘋(píng)果就不要錢(qián)。我只要一個(gè)蘋(píng)果，如果一個(gè)蘋(píng)果一分錢(qián)也不要的話，那我也就沒(méi)必要給你錢(qián)了。”

　　比爾揀了一個(gè)好蘋(píng)果，開(kāi)始吃了起來(lái)，然后興高采烈地邁出了店門(mén)。那個(gè)售貨員吃驚地望著這個(gè)小男孩，一句話也說(shuō)不出來(lái)。

　　爆笑英語(yǔ)笑話：Lose One Pound減掉一磅

　　I complimented one of my co-workers on having lost ten pounds. However, I couldn't resist bragging that when I was 17, 1 weighed 225 pounds and today I tip the scales at 224. 1 added, "That's not bad for a man of my age."

　　Overhearing this, a woman remarked, "You mean to say it took you all this time to lose one pound?"

　　我稱(chēng)贊我的一個(gè)同事減肥10磅?？墒牵医蛔】湟f(shuō)我17歲時(shí)，體重225磅，而目前體重是224磅。我還說(shuō)：“這對(duì)我這樣年齡的男子來(lái)說(shuō)，是不錯(cuò)的。”

　　一個(gè)女子聽(tīng)到了這些話，她說(shuō)道：“你是說(shuō)你花了這么長(zhǎng)時(shí)間才減了1磅?”

　　爆笑英語(yǔ)笑話：The doctor lives downstairs醫(yī)生住在樓下

　　"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me."

　　He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs."

　　“醫(yī)生”她沖進(jìn)屋后大聲說(shuō)道。“我想讓你坦率地說(shuō)我到底得了什么病。”

　　他從頭到腳打量打量她，然后大聲說(shuō)：“太太，我有三件事要對(duì)你說(shuō)。第一，您的體重需要減少大約50磅;第二，如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口紅，您的美貌將會(huì)改變。第三，我是一位畫(huà)家——醫(yī)生住在樓下。”

　　爆笑英語(yǔ)笑話：它們是從美國(guó)直接帶來(lái)的

　　Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.

　　At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."

　　一位中國(guó)老婦人在美國(guó)看望女兒回來(lái)不久，到一家市銀行存女兒送給她的美元。在銀行柜臺(tái)，銀行職員認(rèn)真檢查了每一張鈔票，看是否有假。

　　這種做法讓老婦人很不耐煩，最后實(shí)在忍耐不住說(shuō)：“相信我，先生，也請(qǐng)你相信這些鈔票。這都是真正的美元，它們是從美國(guó)直接帶來(lái)的。”

　　爆笑英語(yǔ)笑話：He is really somebody他真是一個(gè)大人物

　　My uncle has 1000 men under him.

　　He is really somebody. What does he do?

　　A maintenance man in a cemetery.

　　我叔叔下面有1000個(gè)人。

　　他真是一個(gè)大人物。干什么的?

　　墓地守墓人。

　　爆笑英語(yǔ)笑話：請(qǐng)把胡子還給我

　　A man who sold brooms went into a barber’s shop to get shaved. The barber brought one of his brooms. After he had shaved him, he asked for the price of the brooms.

　　“Two pence,” said the man.

　　“No, no,” said the barber. “I will give you a penny, and if you don’t think that is enough, you may take your broom back!”

　　The man took it and asked what he had to pay his shave.

　　“A penny,” said the barber.

　　“I will give you a half penny, and if that is not enough, you may put my beard on again.”

　　一個(gè)賣(mài)掃帚的人去理發(fā)店修面。理發(fā)師從他那里買(mǎi)了一把掃帚。當(dāng)理發(fā)師給他修面后，問(wèn)一下他掃帚的價(jià)格。

　　買(mǎi)掃帚的人說(shuō)：“兩個(gè)便士。”

　　“不，不。”理發(fā)師說(shuō)：“ 我只出一個(gè)便士，如果你認(rèn)為不夠的話，可以把掃帚拿回去。”

　　賣(mài)掃帚的人拿回了掃帚，隨后問(wèn)修面要付多少錢(qián)。

　　“一便士。”理發(fā)師說(shuō)。

　　賣(mài)掃帚的人說(shuō)：“我給你半個(gè)便士，如果不夠的話，請(qǐng)把我的胡子還給我。”

　　爆笑英語(yǔ)笑話：相親

　　After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave.When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died.""Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!"

　　和盲約對(duì)象呆了一晚上后，男人再也受不了了。他事先安排了個(gè)朋友給他打電話，這樣他就能借故先離開(kāi)了。當(dāng)他回到桌邊，他垂下眼睛，裝出一副陰沉的表情，說(shuō)：“有個(gè)不幸的消息，我的祖父剛剛?cè)ナ懒恕?rdquo;“謝天謝地!”他的約會(huì)對(duì)象說(shuō)，“如果你的祖父不死，我的祖父就得死了!”