下面是學(xué)習(xí)啦小編整理的爆笑英語(yǔ)冷笑話(huà)，歡迎大家閱讀!

　　爆笑英語(yǔ)冷笑話(huà)：Whose father was the stronger

　　Will and Bill were quarrelling about whose father was the stronger.

　　Will said, "Well, you know the Pacific Ocean ? My father's the one who dug the hole for it."

　　Bill wasn't impressed, "Well, that's nothing. You know the Dead Sea ? My father's the one who killed it!"

　　維爾和比爾在爭(zhēng)吵，誰(shuí)的爸爸是更強(qiáng)壯的一個(gè)。維爾說(shuō)：“你知道太平洋嗎?那個(gè)坑是我爸爸挖的。”

　　比爾不屑地說(shuō)：“那沒(méi)什么。你知道死海嗎? 那是我爸爸打死的。”

　　爆笑英語(yǔ)冷笑話(huà)：Persistance 纏住不放

　　Returning from a golf outing(遠(yuǎn)足，短途旅行) , my husband was greeted at the door by Sara, our four-year-old daughter. Daddy, who won the golf game? You or Uncle Richie?

　　Uncle Richie and I don't play golf to win, my husband hedged(避免作正面答復(fù)) . We just play to have fun.

　　Undaunted, Sare said, Okay, Daddy, who had more fun?

　　丈夫打完高爾夫球回來(lái)，我們四歲的女兒莎拉在門(mén)口迎了上去。爸爸，誰(shuí)贏了高爾夫球比賽，是你還是理查叔叔?

　　我和理查叔叔打高爾夫球不是為贏，丈夫推諉說(shuō)。我們打球只是為了好玩而已。

　　莎拉毫不氣餒，又問(wèn)：那么，爸爸，誰(shuí)覺(jué)得更好玩呢?

　　爆笑英語(yǔ)冷笑話(huà)：Knights & Nights 黑暗時(shí)代

　　Teacher: Why do we sometimes call the Middle Ages the Dark Ages?

　　Betty: Because they had so many knights.

　　老師：為什么有時(shí)我們稱(chēng)中世紀(jì)為黑暗時(shí)代呢?

　　貝蒂：因?yàn)槟菚r(shí)有許多騎士。

　　爆笑英語(yǔ)冷笑話(huà)：Who is Stupid 誰(shuí)愚蠢

　　A teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"

　　Little Johnny then stood up.

　　The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Johnny?"

　　"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

　　一個(gè)老師在對(duì)學(xué)生們講心理學(xué)，“誰(shuí)認(rèn)為自己蠢就站起來(lái)?”她一開(kāi)始就說(shuō)。

　　小約翰尼站了起來(lái)。

　　“你認(rèn)為你很蠢嗎，小約翰尼?”老師問(wèn)。

　　“不是的，老師，我只是不喜歡看你一個(gè)人站著。”

　　爆笑英語(yǔ)冷笑話(huà)：The teacher cried 老師哭了

　　The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled. His father knew it, but his grandma doted on(溺愛(ài)，寵愛(ài)) him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum(亂發(fā)脾氣) . Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.

　　When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door. "Was school all right?" she asked, "Did you get along all right? Did you cry?"

　　"Cry?" John asked. "No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!"

　　六歲的約翰嬌生慣養(yǎng)。他的父親知道這一點(diǎn)，可他的祖父母仍然寵著他。這孩子幾乎寸步不離他的祖母。他想要什么不是哭，就是鬧。

　　他第一天上學(xué)才離開(kāi)祖母的懷抱。約翰放學(xué)了，他奶奶在門(mén)口接他并問(wèn)道：“學(xué)校怎么樣?你過(guò)的好嗎?哭了沒(méi)有?”

　　“哭?”約翰問(wèn)，“不，我沒(méi)哭，可老師哭了。”

　　爆笑英語(yǔ)冷笑話(huà)：Which Month Did He Go Away

　　When Jack bowed to someone, he always did it at lightening speed. You shouldn't wait any longer after he has had his head nod. So he was blamed for no manners. Then some warmhearted men taught him, When you bow to somebody next time, you can count 'January, February, March. until December. Then you can lift your body up. Thus, the ceremony will be perfect.

　　The next day, he met his uncle, he did as the men told him. The bow was so long that it made his uncle feel surprised and escaped away soon . When Jack looked up, he found his uncle gone . So he asked the passer, Which month did he go away?

　　杰克給人鞠躬，飛快地一點(diǎn)頭，就算完了。大家都怪他不懂禮貌。于是便有好心的人教他說(shuō)，下次鞠躬的時(shí)候，你就在心里數(shù)：一月、二月、……一直數(shù)到十二月為止，然后再直起身來(lái)。這樣，禮節(jié)就周全了。

　　第二天，杰克見(jiàn)到他的叔叔，他便如法炮制。這躬鞠得太久，叔叔吃了一驚，趕緊逃開(kāi)了。杰克抬頭一看，其叔早已不知去向，他便問(wèn)過(guò)路人：我叔叔幾月走的?

　　爆笑英語(yǔ)冷笑話(huà)：Big hands 大手

　　Teacher: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?

　　Student: Big hands.

　　老師：如果我左手上有7個(gè)桔子，右手上有8個(gè)桔子。那么我有什么?

　　學(xué)生：大手。

　　爆笑英語(yǔ)冷笑話(huà)：I want a nightmare 想做壞夢(mèng)

　　Before the final examination, Tom told his mother, "Mom, I had a dream last night that I'd passed today's exam."

　　"Don't trust dreams, dear. It is said what you experience in dreams usually turns out to be the opposite." Mother replied.

　　"Then I do hope I'll fail the other subjects in my dream tonight," Tom said.

　　在期末考試之前，湯姆告訴他的母親：“媽媽?zhuān)易蛱焱砩献隽艘粋€(gè)夢(mèng)，夢(mèng)見(jiàn)我通過(guò)了今天的考試。”

　　“不要相信夢(mèng)，親愛(ài)的。據(jù)說(shuō)夢(mèng)中的經(jīng)歷通常與現(xiàn)實(shí)相反。”媽媽答道。

　　“那么，我真希望在今晚的夢(mèng)中，我的其他功課都不及格。”湯姆說(shuō)。

　　爆笑英語(yǔ)冷笑話(huà)：Its part of the game 我在扮演媽媽

　　Mother: Mary, why do you yell and scream so much? Play quietly like Eddie. See, he doesn't make a sound.

　　Mary: Of course he doesn't. Mom, it's part of the game we are playing. He is Daddy coming home late, and I'm you.

　　媽媽?zhuān)含旣?，你為什么這樣大喊大叫的? 為什么不能像艾迪那樣安安靜靜的玩兒呢?你看艾迪一聲兒都不出。

　　瑪麗：媽媽?zhuān)袭?dāng)然不會(huì)出聲了，因?yàn)槲覀儌z正在玩爸爸回家遲到的游戲呢，他扮演爸爸，我扮演你。

　　爆笑英語(yǔ)冷笑話(huà)：I Taught the Teacher 我教老師

　　Mother asked her little boy, Darling, what did the teacher teach you today?

　　Nothing, Mum, answered the son proundly, instead, she asked me how much one plus two was, and I told her three.

　　母親問(wèn)她年幼的兒子：寶貝，今天老師教了你些什么?

　　兒子驕傲地說(shuō)：什么都沒(méi)教，媽媽。她反倒問(wèn)我一加二等于幾，我告訴她等于三。