趣味經(jīng)典英語笑話四則

　　下面是學(xué)習(xí)啦小編整理的趣味英語笑話四則，希望大家喜歡!

　　經(jīng)典英語笑話：古老的中國智慧

　　Once upon a time, in ancient China, the emperor was seriously ill. None of his esteemed physicians could find a cure, until an ancient sage revealed that only the blood of a living Foo bird could restore the imperial health.

　　很久很久以前在古老的中國，皇帝病得很重，所有德高望重的御醫(yī)都沒辦法醫(yī)治，直到后來才有一位智者透露，只有活福鳥的血才能恢復(fù)皇帝的健康。

　　Now the Foo bird was extremely rare, almostlegendary,and the greatest hunters in the land were assigned the task of capturing a specimen-but before they left on their quest, the ancient sage warned them that if one of them were fortunate enough to catch the bird, he should on no account clean or change his clothing till he had presented his prize to the emperor.

　　問題是福鳥本來就很少見，幾乎只是傳說而已，于是全國各地最好的獵人都被指派進(jìn)行捕捉福鳥的工作。但在他們出發(fā)之前，那名智者警告他們，要是有人有幸捉到一只福鳥的話，無論如何在送到皇帝手中之前，絕不可以清潔或換掉身上的衣服。

　　The hunters scoured the empire, and after several months, the greatest of them spotted a magnificent Foo perched high in a tree. Using all his skill, the huntsman snuck up on the bird and managed to seize it by the claws, but soon the startled creature left a huge odious blob of excrement on the hunter's shoulder.

　　獵人們搜遍了整個(gè)帝國，幾個(gè)月后，其中一名本領(lǐng)最好的獵人不經(jīng)意看見了一只福鳥棲息在一棵樹上。他用盡所有技巧偷偷接近那只福鳥并抓住了它的腳爪，但那只受到驚卟的福鳥馬上在他的肩膀上拉了一大團(tuán)臭氣熏人的鳥糞。

　　Though the stench was almost unbearable, the woodsman remembered the sage's injunction and carried his double burden all the way back to court. By that time, the odor had only become worse, and the hunter was deeply embarrassed.Finally, he felt that he could not enter the emperor's presence in such a state, and wiped the offending substance from his shoulder.

　　雖然臭味難當(dāng)，但獵人仍記得智者的訓(xùn)示，便連同身上的鳥糞護(hù)送福鳥回宮。那時(shí)鳥糞的味道更難聞了，獵人也覺得非常尷尬。最后他覺得不能那個(gè)樣子去見皇帝，于是他把肩膀上令人作嘔的東西擦拭掉了。

　　Instantly, the Foo bird fell over dead, the emperor took a turn for the worse, and the hunter was clapped in irons.And the moral of the story is: If the Foo shits,wear it!

　　就在那一刻福鳥便倒地身亡，皇帝的病情也更加惡化，而那名獵人則立刻被關(guān)進(jìn)牢中。這個(gè)故事的寓意就是：“福鳥在你身上拉尿，你就扛著。”

　　經(jīng)典英語笑話：用臉去敲鐘

　　Quasimodo had just died, so the rector was looking for a new hunchback to ring the great bell of Notre Dame cathedral.But the first man who applied for the job was not only a hunchback, but armless as well.

　　鐘樓怪人剛?cè)ナ?，因此教區(qū)的神父正在找一位駝背的人來敲巴黎圣母院的大鐘。但是第一個(gè)去應(yīng)征的不僅是駝背，而且連手也沒有。

　　'Of course, I'd like to give you the job," said the priest,"but how will you manage it?" "Never fear," replied the dauntless paraplegic. "Just watch;! "

　　“當(dāng)然，我愿意給你這個(gè)工作機(jī)會(huì)，”神父說道，“可是你怎么去敲鐘呢?”“別怕，”勇敢的殘疾者答道。“待會(huì)看了你就知道。”

　　The two men went up to the bell tower and there the applicant took a run at the great bell, striking it with his face.The effect was magnificent, and the hunchback repeated his performance several times. However, he soon became dizzy and at the next run, missed the bell completely and went hurtling out of the bell tower to crash to his death in the courtyard below.

　　兩個(gè)人走上鐘樓，應(yīng)征者用臉撞那個(gè)大鐘，響了好一陣子，效果良好。駝子又撞了幾次?？墒遣痪盟陀X得頭暈?zāi)垦?，下一次竟然落了空，掉到鐘塔外，跌死在下面的庭院里?/p>

　　The priest rushed down to the crumpled body, over which a policeman was already standing. "Do you know this fellow's name?" asked the cop. "No, but his face certainly rings a bell!"

　　神父沖到跌得皺成一團(tuán)的尸體之處，有個(gè)警察已經(jīng)站在那里。"你知道這個(gè)家伙的名字嗎"察問道。“不知道，但他的臉孔好熟喔!”

　　經(jīng)典英語笑話：介詞問題

　　A new student was just finding his way around Harvard University.

　　一位哈佛大學(xué)新生正在熟悉校園環(huán)境。

　　"Excuse me," he aske an upperclassman, "can you tell me where the library's at?"

　　“對(duì)不起，”他問一位高年級(jí)學(xué)長，“您能告訴我圖書館在哪里嗎?”

　　"What appalling diction," sneered the olderstudent. "I can't imagine how you could have been admitted to Harvard.

　　“好可怕的用字喔!”那名學(xué)長嘲弄他道。

　　Don' t you know better than to end a sentence with a preposition?"

　　"不知道你老弟是怎么獲準(zhǔn)進(jìn)入哈佛的。難道你不知道介詞不要放在一個(gè)句子后面嗎?"

　　"OK. Can you tell me where the library's at, asshole?"

　　“好吧!你能告訴我圖書館在哪里嗎，驢蛋?”

　　經(jīng)典英語笑話：我沒有服藥

　　A fellow who was rather slow on the uptake had been suffering from constipation, so the doctorprovided him with some suppositories.

　　有位理解能力相當(dāng)遲緩的老兄一直為便秘所苦，因此醫(yī)生給他一些利腸的栓劑。

　　A week later, the patient came back to tell the doctor that his condition had not improved.

　　一星期后病人回來告訴醫(yī)生，他的狀況尚未改進(jìn)。

　　"I'm amazed," said the doctor. " Have you been taking the medicine I prescribed for you?"

　　“我覺得好奇怪，”醫(yī)生說。“你有沒有采用我開給你的藥方呢?”

　　"What do you think I've been doing, shoving it up my ass?"

　　“你以為我做什么呢?難道要我把它們都塞進(jìn)屁股里嗎?”

　　"What do you think I've been doing, shoving it up my ass?"

　　“你以為我做什么呢?難道要我把它們都塞進(jìn)屁股里嗎?”