下面是學(xué)習(xí)啦小編整理的經(jīng)典爆笑英語(yǔ)笑話，歡迎大家閱讀!

　　經(jīng)典爆笑英語(yǔ)笑話：The Mean Mans Party

　　The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to the fifth floor and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."

　　"Why use my elbow and foot?"

　　"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-handed, are you?"

　　吝嗇鬼的聚會(huì)

　　一個(gè)聲名狼藉的小氣鬼終于決定要請(qǐng)一次客了。他在向一個(gè)朋友解釋怎么找到他家時(shí)說(shuō)：“你上到五樓，用你的胳膊肘按門鈴。門開了后，再用你的腳把門推開。”

　　“為什么我要用我的肘和腳呢?”

　　“天哪!” 吝嗇鬼回答，“你總不會(huì)空著手來(lái)吧?”

　　經(jīng)典爆笑英語(yǔ)笑話：Ways to Report Death

　　Two brothers, Herbert and James, lived with their mother and a cat named Edgar. James was particularly attached to the cat, and when he had to leave town for several days, he left Herbert meticulous instructions about the pet' s care. At the end of this first day away. James telephoned his brother. "How is Edgar?"

　　"Edgar is dead." Herbert answered. There was a pause. Then James said, "Herbert, you're insensitive, you know how close I was to Edgar -you should have broken the news to me slowly. When I asked about Edgar tonight, you should have said, 'Edgar's on the roof , but I have called the fire department to get him down.' And tomorrow when I called, you could have said the firemen were having trouble getting Edgar down, but you were hopeful they would succeed. Then when I called the third time, you could have told me that the fire-men have done their best, but unfortunately Edgar had fallen off the roof and was at the veterinarian's. Then when I called the last time, you could have said that although everything possible had been done for Edgar, he had died. That's the way a sensitive man would have told me about Edgar. And, oh, before I forget," James added, "how is mother?"

　　"Oh," Herbert said, pausing for a moment, "She' s on the roof."

　　報(bào)喪方式

　　郝伯特和詹姆斯兄弟二人一起生活，家中有一老母并養(yǎng)了一只貓叫埃德格。詹姆斯特別喜歡這只貓。有一次他要外出幾天，臨行前不厭其煩地囑咐郝伯特照顧好這只寵物。出門后的頭一天晚上，他打來(lái)電話詢問(wèn)：“埃德格好嗎?”

　　“它死了，”郝伯格回答。一陣沉默之后，詹姆斯說(shuō)：“郝伯特，你真沒心沒肺，你知道我多么喜歡埃德格----你應(yīng)該把這個(gè)消息慢慢地告訴我。當(dāng)我問(wèn)起埃德格今晚怎樣時(shí)，你應(yīng)該說(shuō)，‘埃德格爬上了屋頂，我已給消防隊(duì)打了電話，讓他們把它救下來(lái)。’我明天又給你打電話時(shí)，你應(yīng)該說(shuō)消防隊(duì)營(yíng)救埃德格遇到了困難，但你相信他們會(huì)成功。在我第三天給你打電話時(shí)，你可以說(shuō)消防隊(duì)員已盡了最大努力，但很不幸，埃德格從屋頂上掉了下來(lái)，被送到獸醫(yī)那里。在我最后一次給你打電話詢問(wèn)，你可以說(shuō)盡管對(duì)埃德格做了一切所能做的努力，它還是死了。這是一個(gè)富有感情的人告訴我埃德格的消息時(shí)所用的方式。哦，趁我沒忘記還有件事順便問(wèn)一下，”詹姆斯補(bǔ)充道，“母親好嗎?”

　　“哦……”一陣沉默后郝伯特答道，“她上了屋頂。”

　　經(jīng)典爆笑英語(yǔ)笑話：

　　One day, John was back home after work. He found that his wife was shaking their daughter who was only half a year old. She said "Da-Dy" to the baby many times. John felt very happy because he thought his wife chose the word "Dady" to teach their baby.

　　During one night several weeks later, John and his wife were waken up by the cry "Dady". His wife said to him, "Darling, she is calling you." Then she turned to sleep.

　　一天下班回家，約翰發(fā)現(xiàn)妻子在搖半歲的女兒，嘴里反復(fù)念道：“爸-爸。”約翰心里感到美滋滋的，他的妻子選擇了“爸爸”這個(gè)詞首先教孩子。

　　經(jīng)典爆笑英語(yǔ)笑話：Goldfish 金魚

　　Stan: I won 92 goldfish.

　　斯丹：我贏了 92 條金魚。

　　Fred: Where are you going to keep them?

　　弗雷德：你想在哪兒養(yǎng)它們?

　　Stan: In the bathroom.

　　斯丹：浴室。

　　Fred: But what will you do when you want to take a bath?

　　弗雷德：但是你想洗澡時(shí)怎么辦?

　　Stan: Blindfold(蒙眼睛) them!

　　斯丹：蒙住它們的眼睛!

　　經(jīng)典爆笑英語(yǔ)笑話：I am acting like a lady 我要表現(xiàn)得像一位女士

　　One day women's dresses were on sale at a department store. A dignified middle-aged man decided to pick a dress for his wife, but soon he found himself being battered by frantic women.

　　一天，一家百貨公司的女裝大減價(jià)，一位高貴的中年男士想給他的太太挑選一件女裝。但是，沒過(guò)多久，他就發(fā)現(xiàn)自己已被瘋狂的女人們撞得踉踉蹌蹌。

　　He stood it as long as he could; then, with head lowered and arms flailing, he plowed through the crowd.

　　他竭力地忍耐著。后來(lái)，他低下頭，揮舞雙臂，擠過(guò)人群。

　　"You there!" challenged a thrilling voice. "Can't you act like a gentleman?"

　　“你干嘛?”有人尖聲叫道，“你難道不能表現(xiàn)得像一位紳士嗎?”

　　"Listen," he said. "I have been acting like a gentleman for an hour. From now on, I am acting like a lady."

　　“聽著，”他說(shuō)。“我已經(jīng)像紳士一樣表現(xiàn)了一個(gè)小時(shí)了。從現(xiàn)在起，我要表現(xiàn)得像一位女士。”

　　幾周后的一天夜里，約翰和妻子被一陣哭聲驚醒了，“爸-爸!”“她在叫你，親愛的。”妻子說(shuō)，然后翻身竟自睡了。

　　經(jīng)典爆笑英語(yǔ)笑話：Sunset

　　Father: This is the sunset my daughter painted. She studied painting abroad, you know.

　　Friend: Ah, that accounts for it! I never saw a sunset like that in this country.

　　日落

　　父親：這幅《日落》是我女兒畫的，你知道，她曾在國(guó)外學(xué)過(guò)畫畫。

　　朋友：啊，怪不得!我在本國(guó)還從來(lái)沒有見過(guò)這樣的日落。