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　　外國趣味笑話：關(guān)于降落傘

　　You are one of two people on a malfunctioning airplane with only one parachute.

　　你是一架失控飛機上兩名乘客中的一名，現(xiàn)在只有一個降落傘。

　　Pessimist: you refuse the parachute because you might die in the jump anyway.

　　悲觀主義者:你拒絕使用降落傘，因為即使你跳下去也會死。

　　Optimist: you refuse the parachute because people have survived jumps just like this before.

　　樂觀主義者:你拒絕使用降落傘，因為曾經(jīng)有人不用降落傘跳下去也能活。

　　Procrastinator: you play a game of Monopoly for the parachute.

　　慢性子:你玩一盤強手棋來決定是否拿降落傘。

　　Lawyer: you charge the airline for one parachute.

　　律師:因為只有一個降落傘，你要控訴航空公司。

　　Doctor: you need to run more tests，and then take the parachute.

　　醫(yī)生:在你拿降落傘以前你要仔細的檢查多遍。

　　Sales executive: you sell the parachute at top retail rates and get the names of the other guy’s friends and relatives who might like one too.

　　銷售代表:你以最高的零售價把降落傘賣給另一個人，然后要來他的親戚朋友的名字，問他們是否也想要一個。

　　Internal Revenue Service: you confiscate the parachute along with the other guy’s luggage and wallet.

　　國內(nèi)稅收員:你把降落傘連同另一個人的行李和錢包一起沒收。

　　Advertiser: you sing that what he need is a neon parachute with computer altimeter for only . 99.

　　廣告商:你唱出他們需要的是一個尼龍降落傘和一個電腦高度計，只賣三十九點九九美元。

　　Engineer; you make him another parachute out of aisle curtains and dental floss.

　　工程師:你用走廊的窗簾和牙線為另一個人再做一個降落傘。

　　Scientist: you give him the parachute and ask him to send you a report on how well it worked.

　　科學(xué)家:你把降落傘給另一個人，然后叫他們寄給你一份降落傘怎樣工作的報告。

　　Mathematician: you refuse to accept the parachute without proof that it will work in all cases.

　　數(shù)學(xué)家:如果不能證明降落傘在任何情況下都能正常使用你拒絕使用降落傘。

　　Philosopher: you ask how he knows the parachute actually exists.

　　哲學(xué)家:你問另一個人降落傘他怎么知道降落傘確實存在。

　　English Teacher; you explicate simile and metaphor in the parachute instructions.

　　英語老師:你會在降落傘的說明書里找出哪里是明喻哪里是暗喻。

　　Comparative Literature: you read the parachute instructions in all four languages.

　　比較文學(xué)學(xué)者:你會通讀降落傘說明上的四種語言。

　　Computer Scientist: you design a machine capable of operating a parachute as well as a human being could.

　　電腦專家:你會設(shè)計一個能和人一樣操縱降落傘的機器。

　　Psychoanalyst: you ask him what the shape of a parachute reminds him of.

　　心理醫(yī)生:你會問另一個人降落傘的形狀會讓他想起什么。

　　Artist: you hang the parachute on the wall and sign it.

　　藝術(shù)家:你會把降落傘掛在墻上，然后在上面簽上名字。

　　Libertarian: after reminding him of his constitutional right to have a parachute，you take it and jump out.

　　自由論者:你會提醒另一個人他擁有憲法賦予的拿降落傘的權(quán)利，然后你拿起來跳出去。

　　Surgeon General: you issue a warning that skydiving can be hazardous to your health.

　　外科醫(yī)生:你會提出跳傘運動有害健康的警告。

　　National Rifle Association: you shoot him and take the parachute.

　　國家槍械協(xié)會會員:你開槍打死另一個人然后拿走降落傘。

　　Police Bigot: you beat him unconscious with the parachute.

　　頑固的警察:你會用降落傘打得另一個人不省人事。

　　Environmentalist: you refuse to use the parachute unless it is biodegradable.

　　環(huán)保主義者:除非能證明降落傘是生物可分解的，否則你拒絕使用降落傘。

　　Sports Fan: you start betting on how long it will take to crash.

　　體育迷:你開始打賭飛機多長時間會墜毀。

　　外國趣味笑話：生日玫瑰

　　A young man was in love with a beautiful girl. One day she said to him: "It is my birthday tomorrow.”

　　一個年輕的男子愛上了一位美麗的姑娘。一天她對他說:“明天就是我的生日了。”

　　"Oh,” said the young man, "I'll send you roses，one rose for each year of your life.”

　　“噢，我要送給你玫瑰，每一朵玫瑰都象征著你生命中所渡過的每一年。”年輕的男子說。

　　The same evening he went to a florist's. As he knew that the girl was twenty一two years old , he paid for twenty一two roses and asked the florist to send them to the girl the next day.

　　那天晚上他就去拜訪了種花人。他知道那個姑娘22歲了，于是他買下了22朵玫瑰并請求種花人第二天把玫瑰給那位姑娘送去。

　　When the young man left the shop, the florist thought: "This young man is a very good customer. I think that my price was too high. I' 11 send ten more roses.”

　　年輕的男子離開了花店，種花人心里想:“這位年青人真是個心地善良的好人。我給他的價格太高了。我要多給他一些花。”

　　He did so. The next morning thirty-two roses were sent to the girl.

　　他確實是那樣做的。二天清晨，種花人把犯朵玫瑰一起送給了那位女孩。

　　When the young man came to see her, she didn't speak to him. And he never knew why she was so angry with him.

　　當這位年輕的男子興沖沖地來看望她的時候，她對他置之不理。當然，他是永遠也不會知道為什么她收到玫瑰反而會生氣了。

　　外國趣味笑話：快樂并不富裕

　　An old rich man died and left his son a lot of money. But the son was a foolish young man, and he quickly spent all the money，so that soon he had nothing left. Of course, when that happened, all his friends left him. When he was quite poor and alone，he went to see Mildred, who was a kind, clever old man and often helped people when they had troubles.

　　一個已故的老富翁留給了他的兒子一大筆財產(chǎn)。但是他的兒子是個愚蠢的年青人，他很快就揮霍完了所有的錢財，變得一無所有了。當然，當他變成了一個窮光蛋的時候，他所有的朋友都離他而去了。他窮困潦倒而又孤苦伶仃，于是，他去看望了米爾德里德，一個和藹、聰明的老人，他經(jīng)常幫助那些深處困境的人們。

　　"My money has finished and my friends have gone，”said the young man. "What will happen to me now?"

　　“我的錢全都花光了，我的朋友也都離開我了，”年輕人說，“我該怎么辦呢?”

　　"Don’t worry, young man,” answered Mildred, "Everything will soon be all right again. Wait, and you will soon feel much happier.”

　　“不要擔(dān)心，年輕人，”米爾德里德說，“一切很快就會變好的。到那時，你又將體會到快樂。”

　　The young man was very glad. "Am I going to get rich again then?" he asked Mildred.

　　年輕人聽后很高興。“你是說我還會變得富有嗎?”他向米爾德里德急切地問到。

　　"No, I didn't mean that，”said the old man，"I meant that you would soon get used to being poor and to having no friends.”

　　“不，我不是那個意思。”老人說:“我的意思是你不久將會習(xí)慣這種窮困和沒有朋友的生活。”