簡(jiǎn)單幽默英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)
“哪里有人,哪里就有笑聲。”從古到今,笑話(huà)是人們生活中不可缺少的“調(diào)劑品”。笑話(huà)使人們?cè)诳贪宓纳钪懈械揭唤z快意和放松，在人們的日常生活中起著重要調(diào)劑作用。下面學(xué)習(xí)啦小編為大家?guī)?lái)簡(jiǎn)單幽默英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)，希望大家喜歡!
簡(jiǎn)單幽默英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)1
One day when women's dresses were on sale at the FarEast Department Store, a dignified middle-aged man decided to get his wife a piece. But he soon found himself being battered by frantic women.
He stood it as long as he could; then, with head lowered and arms flailing, he plowed through the crowed.
"You there!" challenged a thrill voice. "Can't you act like a gentleman?"
"Listen," he said, "I have been acting like a gentleman for an hour. From now on, I am acting like a lady."
一天，遠(yuǎn)東百貨公司的女裝大減價(jià)，一位高貴的中年男士想給太太買(mǎi)一件?？墒?，沒(méi)過(guò)多久，他發(fā)現(xiàn)自己已被瘋狂的女人沖得踉踉蹌蹌。
他竭力忍耐著。后來(lái)，他低下頭，揮動(dòng)雙臂，擠過(guò)人群。
“你干嘛?”有人尖聲叫道，“你難道不能表現(xiàn)得象位紳士嗎?”
“聽(tīng)著，”他說(shuō)，“我已經(jīng)象紳士一樣表現(xiàn)了一個(gè)小時(shí)。從現(xiàn)在起，我要表現(xiàn)得象個(gè)女士。”
簡(jiǎn)單幽默英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)2
At an exhibition of the world's best swordsman, the third-place fencer took the stage. A fly was released, and with an arc of his sword he cut the fly in half. The crowd cheered. Then the second-place man sliced a fly into quarters. A hush fell in anticipation of the world's greatest swordsman.
His blade came down in a mighty arc - but the insect continued on its way! The crowd was aghast. The greatest swordsman had missed his target completely, yet he continued to smile.
"Why are you so happy?" someone yelled. "You missed!"
"Ah," replied the swordsman, "you weren't watching very carefully. They fly lives, yes - but he will never be a father."
在一場(chǎng)世界最佳擊劍手表演中，排名第三的擊劍手上場(chǎng)了。一只蒼蠅放了出來(lái)，劍劃了一個(gè)弧，他將蒼蠅劈成了兩半。觀眾歡呼起來(lái)。緊接著排名第二的人將一只蒼蠅切成了四半?，F(xiàn)場(chǎng)一陣沉默，人們期盼著世界上最偉大的擊劍手出場(chǎng)。
他的劍鋒以一個(gè)巨大的弧線(xiàn)劃了下來(lái)--然而那只昆蟲(chóng)還在繼續(xù)飛行!觀眾被驚呆了。最偉大的擊劍手完全錯(cuò)過(guò)了他的目標(biāo)，然而他還在微笑著。
“你為什么這么高興?”有人嚷道，“你沒(méi)擊中!”
“啊，”劍手答道，“你剛才沒(méi)有很仔細(xì)地看。蒼蠅還活著，是的--但他永遠(yuǎn)也做不成爸爸了。”
簡(jiǎn)單幽默英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)3
An American, a Scot and a Canadian were killed in a car accident. They arrived at the gates of heaven, where a flustered St. Peter explained that there had been a mistake. "Give me $0 each," he said, "and I'll return you to earth as if the whole thing never happened."
"Done!" said the American. Instantly, he found himself standing unhurt near the scene.
"Where are the others?" asked a medic.
"Last I knew," said the American, "the Scot was haggling price, and the Canadian was arguing that his government should pay."
一位美國(guó)人，一位英格蘭人和一位加拿大人在一場(chǎng)車(chē)禍中喪生。他們到達(dá)天堂的門(mén)口。在那里，醉醺醺的圣彼德解釋說(shuō)是搞錯(cuò)了。“每人給我五百美元，”他說(shuō)，“我將把你們送回人間，就象什么都沒(méi)有發(fā)生過(guò)一樣。”
“成交!”美國(guó)人說(shuō)。立刻，他發(fā)現(xiàn)自己毫不損傷地站在現(xiàn)場(chǎng)附近。
“其他人在哪兒?”一名醫(yī)生問(wèn)道。
“我離開(kāi)之前，”那名美國(guó)人說(shuō)，“我看見(jiàn)英格蘭人正在砍價(jià)，而那名加拿大人正在分辯說(shuō)應(yīng)該由他的政府來(lái)出這筆錢(qián)。”
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