摘要：無論你是失去了工作還是女朋友，要不了多久就會有人告訴你，重新振作起來，時間會治愈所有的傷痛。

　　Whether you've lost a job or a girlfriend, it won't take long before someone tells you, Dust yourself off. Time heals all wounds.

　　Yes, but how much time?

　　無論你是失去了工作還是女朋友，要不了多久就會有人告訴你，重新振作起來，時間會治愈所有的傷痛。

　　的確是這樣，可是要多長時間呢?

　　Experts say most people should give themselves a good two years to recover from an emotional trauma such as a breakup or the loss of a job. And if you were blindsided by the event -- your spouse left abruptly, you were fired unexpectedly -- it could take longer.

感情創(chuàng)傷的恢復(fù)期有多長

　　專家說大多數(shù)人應(yīng)該給自己整整兩年的時間以從分手或失業(yè)這樣的感情創(chuàng)傷中恢復(fù)。如果發(fā)生的事情讓你猝不及防──你的配偶突然離你而去，你毫無預(yù)料地遭到解雇──恢復(fù)起來可能需要花更長的時間。

　　That is more time than most people expect, says Prudence Gourguechon, a psychiatrist in Chicago and former president of the American Psychoanalytic Association. It's important to know roughly how long the emotional disruption will last. Once you get over the shock that it is going to be a long process, you can relax, Dr. Gourguechon says. 'You don't have to feel pressure to be OK, because you're not OK.'

　　芝加哥的精神病學(xué)家、美國精神分析協(xié)會(the American Psychoanalytic Association)前主席普魯?shù)墙z?古爾格雄(Prudence Gourguechon)說，這比大多數(shù)人預(yù)計的時間要長。知道感情困擾持續(xù)的大致時間長短很重要。古爾格雄博士說，一旦你克服了那種震驚感，認可了恢復(fù)是一個漫長過程，你就可以放松了。“你不必給自己壓力，覺得自己應(yīng)該沒事，因為事實上你并不是沒事。”

　　Some experts call this recovery period an 'identity crisis process.' It is perfectly normal, they say, to feel depressed, anxious and distracted during this time -- in other words, to be an emotional mess. (Getting over the death of a loved one is more complicated and typically will take even longer than two years, experts say.)

　　一些專家稱這個恢復(fù)期為“認同危機過程”(identity crisis process)。他們說，在這段時間里感到郁悶沮喪、焦慮不安和心煩意亂是完全正常的──換句話說，情緒上是一團亂麻。(專家說，至親至愛的人去世，要從中恢復(fù)是件更復(fù)雜的事，需要的時間一般會超過兩年。)

　　Some people may find they need less than two years to bounce back from a divorce. But experts caution that it probably doesn't pay to ignore the process, hurry it along or deny it, say, by immediately moving across the country to get a fresh start or diving into a new relationship. That will probably only postpone the day of reckoning.

　　有些人也許發(fā)現(xiàn)他們離婚后恢復(fù)的時間不需要兩年。但是專家警告說，忽視這一過程可能會得不償失，比如以搬到遙遠的地方重新開始生活或投入一段新感情的方式加快或拒絕承認這一過程，那樣也許只能讓最終清算日的到來往后推遲一點而已。

　　After all, it takes time to rethink all the things that may be disrupted by emotional trauma, such as one's living situation, finances, professional goals and -- maybe most important -- how a person sees him or herself. There aren't any shortcuts. 'The whole sweep of your life has to be reassessed and rewoven,' Dr. Gourguechon says.

　　畢竟，重新考慮可能被感情創(chuàng)傷所打亂的所有事情是需要花費時間的，比如一個人的生活現(xiàn)狀、財務(wù)狀況、職業(yè)目標(biāo)以及──或許是最重要的──一個人如何看待自己。沒有任何捷徑。古爾格雄博士說：“你的整個生活都必須重新評估、重新編織。”

　　Four years ago, Michael Hassard filed for divorce from his wife of almost eight years and began attending a 'divorce care' class at his Baptist church in Muscle Shoals, Ala. At the first meeting, the instructor said it would take two years to come out of the emotional turmoil.

　　四年前，邁克爾?哈薩德(Michael Hassard)申請與結(jié)婚近八年的妻子離婚并開始參加阿拉巴馬州馬斯?fàn)栃査?Muscle Shoals)浸禮會教堂開辦的“離婚關(guān)懷”班。第一次上課的時候，老師說走出情緒波動期需要兩年的時間。

　　'Hearing that was actually a relief,' says Mr. Hassard, 42 and an engineer at a company that designs and builds chemical plants. 'It gave me a finish line and a goal to work toward.'

　　哈薩德說：“聽到那樣的說法實際上是一種解脫。它給了我一個終點線和一個為之努力的目標(biāo)。”現(xiàn)年42歲的哈薩德在一家設(shè)計和建造化工廠的公司擔(dān)任工程師。

　　Mr. Hassard, who was awarded custody of his son and daughter, had been feeling depressed, angry, resentful and overwhelmed as a suddenly-single parent. He was sitting in class one night and began to see his recovery as the wall he'd had to scale on an Army boot-camp obstacle course. It was going to be tough. There was no way around it. But things would be better on the other side.

　　哈薩德得到了他兒子和女兒的監(jiān)護權(quán)，突然間成為一名單親父親，他曾感到郁悶、憤怒、怨恨、不知所措。一天晚上，他坐在課堂里，開始把他的恢復(fù)看成是他在軍隊集訓(xùn)的越野障礙訓(xùn)練場上必須攀爬過去的一堵 ，翻過去會很艱難，沒有可以迂回包抄的路。但是到了 的另一面，事情會發(fā)生好轉(zhuǎn)。

　　He went home and taped a note, titled 'Two Years,' onto the fridge. It said, 'I am going to get back to normal, and I am going to do it right.'

　　回到家后，他在冰箱上貼了一張紙條，標(biāo)題是“兩年”。紙條上寫道：“我要恢復(fù)正常，我會把這件事做得很好。”

　　Recovering from a divorce or job loss actually involves two overlapping processes. There is the recovery from grief. And there is the even more time-consuming process of rebuilding the structure of your life. Where will you eat dinner? Who will your friends be? After all, if you are married, even if you hate your spouse, 'you know when to show up and when to come home,' Dr. Gourguechon says.

　　從離婚或失業(yè)中恢復(fù)實際上包含兩個交叉的過程，其一是從悲痛中恢復(fù)，另一個甚至更耗時的過程是重建你的生活結(jié)構(gòu)。你會到哪里吃晚餐?你會交哪些朋友?古爾格雄博士說，畢竟，如果你是個結(jié)了婚的人，哪怕你討厭你的配偶，“你也知道何時參加活動，何時回家”。

　　If you saw the loss coming -- say you initiated the divorce -- you are ahead of a person who was caught off guard. A person taken by surprise is 'required to do a lot more rumination,' says Sandra Petronio, a professor of communication at Indiana University-Purdue University, Indianapolis. 'You need to do some type of analysis about what happened to you.'

　　如果你事先知道自己即將失去什么──比如是你提出的離婚──那你會比措手不及的人好一些。在印第安納大學(xué)-普度大學(xué)印第安納波利斯分校(Indiana University-Purdue University, Indianapolis)擔(dān)任溝通學(xué)教授的桑德拉?彼得羅尼奧(Sandra Petronio)說，一個遭受突然襲擊的人“需要更多地深思，你需要對發(fā)生在你身上的事情進行一些分析。”

　　'People start thinking they are crazy because the things they usually do to right their ship -- things like talking to their mother, asking their friends for help, getting some sleep -- don't work anymore,' says Ilene Dillon, a licensed clinical social worker in Kentfield, Calif. 'And you have all these emotions that won't seem to stop.'

　　加利福尼亞州肯特菲爾德(Kentfield)的執(zhí)業(yè)臨床社會工作者伊雷恩?狄龍(Ilene Dillon)說：“你會開始認為自己瘋了，因為通常你為修正自己這艘航船所做的那些事情──諸如和母親交談、找鄰居幫忙、睡一會兒覺這些事情──都不再起作用了，而且你還有所有這些似乎無法抑制的情緒。”